seasonsrpg | semi-open 💐 I had to fall to lose it all

{ this is fine. both of them can just poke at food for now, though it seems ayato is getting a little further. he's sticking with just bread for now for a reason.

but he isn't blind, eyes following the changes kaveh makes when he cuts into the food, instead moving to his coffee. }

Are you sure you want me to answer that?

[ kaveh takes a sip. the caffeine helps... or so he tells himself. ]

Yes. He's going to ask questions about the encounter, [ he swallows. ] and that video was only a fraction of it.

{ his eyes finally lower this time, and he picks at the toast again }

I'm well aware, which is why I wanted to write my thoughts out in advance.

…what did you end up with? [ writing, that is. ]

[ kaveh keeps his mug up, mostly to hide his expression. ]

{ he stays quiet for a long moment, eyes drifting to the side. }

Everything from the tactics we tried to... the effects it gave when it connected.

{ this is a whole other level of torturing yourself, really. he watched the video on repeat, trying to write anything and everything he could from memory while thoma and ayaka slept. there was no need for sound, after all. }

...did we experience the same things? [ it's not like kaveh would know. he died before ayato, so anything that happened after that is a mystery. ]

{ he doesn't know what is better or worse to say, so he keeps it vague. }

More or less. { but it takes a while for those words to come. because to be fair, kaveh doesn't need to know that helplessly watching and knowing you can't do anything while your friend suffers is likely worse for him than experiencing it first hand would have been. }

... [ more or less. the hesitation tells him that might not be entirely true, but he's not going to press the matter for both of their sanity. ] If that's the case, then I'm sorry. [ he wouldn't wish what he felt on his worst enemies. ] And we're asking him what can and will be done about the mansion? the sooner the better?

{ he appreciates that, at least. letting them linger on the topic wouldn't be good for either of them. }

If you're going to apologise, I should as well. So perhaps we should leave that there? As for the rest... yes. Ideally we want a way for no one else to get inside. I'm also curious to know if it existed before or surfaced after the Tragedy of Greed.

Ideally. [ said quietly. ] ... [ kaveh is quiet for a few moments, but then he shakes himself free of his thoughts to continue their conversation. ] Tragedy of Greed?

Exactly. The incident that rendered this world as it is now. { his voice quietens now, as though he's worried about the words he says next. or rather, kaveh's reaction to it. } It may have been the end result of one of the people who stole seasonal powers.

[ kaveh arches a brow. ] ...stole seasonal powers? Do you think you could tell me a little bit more about that?

I thought you knew. { but maybe his memory is all messed up as well. } The reason Darkness exists stems from an event that happened here in the past. People with seasonal powers killed others with them to gain further power. It seemed to have tipped the balance, however, as those who succeeded started to change, shall we say? Accounts showed that some exploded into lava, or other natural disasters. I wouldn't discount this being a possibility.

{ as he explains this though, his voice is still kept quiet, like he's walking on eggshells. }

[ ...ah. he thought that's where this might be going. he frowns, setting his mug down. ] I'm guessing that you think it's possible that that creature might be one of those people then? [ is there a way to... exterminate it? to prevent it from getting out and continuing to expand and, presumably, seek power?? he wants to ask that, but he merely wets his lips and goes quiet. ] Hopefully Olwen will be able to give us more insight based on what you show him.

{ he exhales } I would say anything is a possibility here, when there are so many unknowns. But yes, it's why I have so many notes. Considering I've researched the history here, it made sense to give a certain hypothesis or two as well.

I... I guess that might explain some of it's abilities. [ and how it was able to make them feel. he swallows the bile rising in his throat, reaching for his mug of coffee to hastily try to rinse that awful tang from his mouth. ] If you need more information to forward along to him, then I did have Mehrak scan it when we first encountered it in the room, so he could... he...

[ oh, right, mehrak...
he hasn't pieced mehrak back together yet. ]

[ once again kaveh feels sick,
but it's more than a physical reaction. ]

[ he's emotionally disgusted with himself for letting something happen to mehrak and, not only that, leaving him in disrepair for... so long... ]

[ it's been only a few days, sure, and he's probably in no state to even try to work on him, but... b- but... ]

N- Nevermind.

{ he swallows when he sees the reactions kaveh gives, as he comes to his own realisations and corrects himself. honestly, most things taste awful, and while ayato has picked at the toast he hasn't eaten much other than those few nibbles. }

I recall more than enough, so don't... don't worry about the information side of things. I came here to remind you to focus on yourself first. I can do most of the talking today. Is there anything you need?

[ kaveh feels himself start to fall apart. n- no. he can do this. he has to do this. he'll fix mehrak. he just needs time. kaveh nods almost robotically at ayato, clearly only half paying attention at this point, but he brings a hand to his forehead to act as a veil as tears roll down his cheeks to drop either onto the table or into his coffee. ]

No. [ he says a little too quickly. ] I... I have what I, I need... I just, the rest is up to me.

{ he grits his teeth, because as much as kaveh may try to bring a barrier between his face and ayato, the table getting wet alongside the way his voice changes is enough of a sign.

he has seen him cry before, after all. }

You don't have to pretend to be alright if you aren't yet, Kaveh. { what a fucking hypocrite. he's aware of it this time, at least, when his hand reaches out only to drop towards the table. he can't bring himself to actually touch him, if only because he knows what it felt like to be grabbed as well.

so his hand just clenches on the table and he looks away. }

[ save, of course, for the occasional sniffle kaveh doesn't respond. he needs to pull himself together first, which takes a little bit longer than he'd like. eventually though... ] But I do, because I can't imagine I will ever be alright. [ he slides a thumb under his eyes to swipe at the tears, looking across the table at ayato with a heated stare. his anger isn't directed at ayato. it's at himself, because moving on has always been difficult for him. kaveh had already been lugging around enough baggage... and now he's got more. a lot more. ] ...that's not something I can just bounce back from. Maybe if it was... quick and painless, but... [ his tone cracks and he goes quiet, shaking his head. ] but it wasn't...

{ he can feel the stare on himself, but he doesn't look. he can't. }

I'm aware.

{ that's all he can bring himself to say though, despite all the words kaveh puts into explaining why he's trying to normalise himself for this. he can't give words of comfort, that it 'will get better' because he's struggling to see how as well at the moment. }

I still don't feel right. [ "right". what even is right? he doesn't know. ] I think I might have left a part of myself back at the mansion. [ and, no, he doesn't mean literally ~~even though that's absolutely the case~~. ]

{ his mouth opens. closes. he swallows hard as the words trigger memories of his own to the point his hand moves to his mouth this time.

there wasn't anything left is all he can think, so he takes his time before responding. }

In what way?

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1/3

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