Levi "rudeboi" Ackerman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wingbound) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
seasonsrpg2024-06-22 12:20 am
wingbound) wrote in seasonsrpg2024-06-22 12:20 am
remember the day of grief
WHO: Levi & various!
WHAT: Hange is gone from Ellipsa. Levi is feeling about it. Feel free to encounter him!
WHEN: June 6/7th and a few days after
WHERE: Solarpeak beach (late day), restaurant/bar in Solarpeak (early evening), Coldreach observatory (late evening), starter apartments building (few days later)
WARNINGS: sads :( also blanket AoT warnings (child soldiers, trauma no therapy, so much death, etc)
::
--1. Sun Sinks Into The Sea - open to anyone.
The thought has always been at the back of his mind. Never take good things for granted; everything can turn to shit in a moment. He'd hoped that they would have more time, though. At the very least, he had hoped that Hange would have more time, live the whole life they deserved to have here. But as always, even the most benevolent looking world has shittiness in it, and his heart sinks like a stone when the realization sinks in.
They're gone.
Somehow, it's almost worse a second time. Back home, cruelty was expected. People died, leaving nothing but memories and sometimes a mangled keepsake behind. But then they were here, and they'd been given hope. Death suddenly wasn't the end. They had another chance.
And now that too was ripped away.
Most of the day passes like in a trance. He stares at the message for what feels like hours, bitches out Olwen and demands Helene names the lake they'd found after Hange (which is approved). But the venting doesn't make him feel particularly better, though he's glad at least now more people will be able to remember their name. It's bittersweet, though. It doesn't bring them back.
He can only hope that Eren's theory is true. Jean and Mikasa did apparently visit other places like this before. Maybe Hange went to a different world rather than death back home.
But he can't know for sure. He might never know.
He goes about his morning tasks mechanically. He holds Erwin, suddenly anxious that he may too disappear as soon as Levi looks away. He cleans all three apartments until his knuckles bleed. He needs to keep moving or it just becomes too much.
Eventually he finds himself retracing the steps they took together, and so he finds himself at the beach of the Great Ocean Lake, crouching just out of the reach of the waves lapping at the shore, staring out into the horizon. A cane rests next to him.
He remembers the day they were all here, him, Hange and the kids, at something called a beach party. Hange had made a whole mess of themself, trying to scoop various sea creatures into a colourful plastic bucket, ignoring Levi's warnings. They'd ended up stung by poison noodles and Levi rushed them to a hospital in a panic with Eren's help. They hadn't learned anything, of course; at least not once the doctor assured there was no real danger.
He looks at the familiar rocks, forming a sort of natural bridge some meters deeper into the water. He can almost see Hange, pants rolled up, tip-toeing like a giant stork in the water, shoving disgusting sea creatures in his face, taking pictures. Slowly, he stands up and heads toward the rocks, jumping from stone to stone with some minor difficulty until he reaches the end of the rocky pier. He picks up a pebble and throws it into the ocean.
He thinks about the words they had spoken to each other the day they convinced him to oversee one of their experiments with Eren and after. As long as I have a say...
"You promised," he whispers under his breath. The ocean breeze stings in his eyes. He picks up another small stone, stands still like a statue for a moment, then lets out a growl of frustration and chucks it so hard it bounces off the water enough times that it's too far to be seen by the time it finally sinks under the surface.
--2. Sorrow In A Glass - open to anyone.
After finally leaving the beach his feet take him to a restaurant nearby where the Scouts had held a meeting of sorts shortly after his arrival. Hange had been excited about the bar, and against his better judgement, Levi sits down and orders the same monstrosity of a drink they had been sipping on back then.
Alcohol doesn't really affect him -- at least this amount isn't going to -- but he supposes it works on normal people. He's usually only seen it make them stupid, Commander Pixis being a notable exception to that rule, but there had to be a reason why they still did it, right? Maybe it made things hurt less. Wouldn't that be nice? He'd almost decided to test that theory, with Olwen tipping him off about Riki's potion, unfortunately the shop was apparently closed for renovating. Maybe he'd do that later. For now, he can still try to feel closer to Hange by taking part in something he knows they enjoyed.
It's probably poison anyway, so if he drinks a couple of them, maybe even he would feel it, right?
You can find him still sitting at the bar an hour later, elbows leaned on the counter, slowly sipping on a rainbow-colored cocktail that seems to go against just about everything from his style (all black today) to demeanor (surly and distant). There are several empty glasses of the same sort on the side by then, but there's not even a flush on his face; just a resigned deadness in his eyes... or maybe that's just his normal expression.
There's a cane leaned against the bar next to him. He's not sure how those things are related -- if they are at all -- but his leg had been hurting worse ever since he returned home from the chat with the city leaders. Maybe he overdid it scrubbing the floors; he had avoided that task for a reason, but now that Eren had moved out and Levi technically felt better he found little excuse not to do it himself. Maybe it's just one of those days. Maybe it's because he's not crying into his drink, and the outside has to match the inside in some way, he thinks bitterly, and sucks down more sickeningly sweet liquid. At least he's alive to feel that pain.
Hange isn't, unless they somehow lucked their way into another place like this. And what are the chances of that?
--3. Always Find Me Among The Stars - open to anyone.
When the shitty booze doesn't make this utter bullshit of a development make any more sense -- why now, why them, why was nobody able to do anything about sending people back to fucking die even though it has been months since the research started -- he heads for the final place that does. He often comes to the observatory -- to think, to reminisce, to simply stare up at the stars because he now could, after spending twenty six years in the dark of a cave. He'd been there to grieve and he'd been there to celebrate, too.
Stars make everything a little easier to bear, always have.
He leans against the railing of the observation deck, eyes on the sky, and blinks a few times to chase away the pain. Absently, he lifts his uneven hand to run his fingertips along the scar on the right side of his face. He has pictures now, at least, and he can probably loot Hange's bolo tie from their apartment, but even if he loses every material thing, he will always have this, a proof of them saving his life.
A proof that they had lived.
His knee starts aching again, and he drags himself over to the area with some chairs and beanbags, carefully settling into one before tilting his head back to stare at the hundreds of little lights again.
I hope you're still out there. You deserved more time.
--4. Picking Up The Pieces
a) (And Pieces, And Pieces) - close CR only!
The next couple of days remind him of the days after Shiganshina. Doing what is necessary, even if you'd rather be doing anything else. He wants to look through Hange's belongings -- if any of them are even still there, he's not sure if it's magic or some kind of secret service cleaning spaces out when someone disappears like this. He does manage to get his hands on some of their scientific notes and supplies and hand them over to Helene to copy, at least (she will let him have the originals back, and he will put the boxes in Hange's room in their new house, because of course they will have a room left for them). Maybe he finds the bolo tie he'd been looking; if not, he could always wish for it through the dandelion.
He can't make himself throw out what he thought to be junk last time he tried to clean the apartment up, with Hange still there. Now they're not, and the boxes still are. It doesn't feel real; just like it hadn't felt real to clear out Erwin's drawers back home. He'd never had to empty the office after that; after all, he never made it back to Paradis after Hange died.
Still, the mess is familiar, and he lingers, thinking of all the times they shared tea -- and sometimes other things -- at the tiny table and on the couch, of all the times Levi ended up nodding off despite having no intention to do so, of the jokes and banter and fights and their warmth.
When he comes back a day or two later, though, it's empty. The key doesn't work anymore either; he has to pick the lock to get in. The furniture the apartment came with is still there, of course, but there's no Hange; he didn't find their weird plant cat, either.
And just like that, the weight finally comes crashing down on him.
Maybe you had followed him, or just spotted the familiar door cracked open and peeked in, but the sight you find is the same; Levi quietly curled up on the right side of a nondescript couch in formerly-Hange's apartment, clutching an empty nondescript mug in his hands.
b) Out Of Sorts - open to anyone who happens to be in the starter building!
A few days later, you might be visiting to check on someone, or simply heading back to your own apartment when something odd catches your attention. A small-badger-sized but pissed off looking furry black animal scurries out of what you may or may not know as Levi and Eren's old apartment and makes a beeline toward either Hange's or Erwin's door, though if you or someone carelessly left their open, it might just dip in there instead.
Regardless, the tiny wolverine goes immediately to the nearest available pillow or cushion, drags it out into the middle of the hallway and murders it in a display of uncontained rage, somewhere between an overexcited puppy with a shoe and a cat breaking the neck of a bird. Then it seems to make actual eye contact with you and growls. It's not clear what the source of its irritation is, but apparently it might not be you.
...Is it wearing a cravat?
--5. Wildcard
(( If you'd like to pester him somewhere else or in a different way, hit me up on disco or![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
jigglyballs and we can hash something out! ))
WHAT: Hange is gone from Ellipsa. Levi is feeling about it. Feel free to encounter him!
WHEN: June 6/7th and a few days after
WHERE: Solarpeak beach (late day), restaurant/bar in Solarpeak (early evening), Coldreach observatory (late evening), starter apartments building (few days later)
WARNINGS: sads :( also blanket AoT warnings (child soldiers, trauma no therapy, so much death, etc)
::
--1. Sun Sinks Into The Sea - open to anyone.
The thought has always been at the back of his mind. Never take good things for granted; everything can turn to shit in a moment. He'd hoped that they would have more time, though. At the very least, he had hoped that Hange would have more time, live the whole life they deserved to have here. But as always, even the most benevolent looking world has shittiness in it, and his heart sinks like a stone when the realization sinks in.
They're gone.
Somehow, it's almost worse a second time. Back home, cruelty was expected. People died, leaving nothing but memories and sometimes a mangled keepsake behind. But then they were here, and they'd been given hope. Death suddenly wasn't the end. They had another chance.
And now that too was ripped away.
Most of the day passes like in a trance. He stares at the message for what feels like hours, bitches out Olwen and demands Helene names the lake they'd found after Hange (which is approved). But the venting doesn't make him feel particularly better, though he's glad at least now more people will be able to remember their name. It's bittersweet, though. It doesn't bring them back.
He can only hope that Eren's theory is true. Jean and Mikasa did apparently visit other places like this before. Maybe Hange went to a different world rather than death back home.
But he can't know for sure. He might never know.
He goes about his morning tasks mechanically. He holds Erwin, suddenly anxious that he may too disappear as soon as Levi looks away. He cleans all three apartments until his knuckles bleed. He needs to keep moving or it just becomes too much.
Eventually he finds himself retracing the steps they took together, and so he finds himself at the beach of the Great Ocean Lake, crouching just out of the reach of the waves lapping at the shore, staring out into the horizon. A cane rests next to him.
He remembers the day they were all here, him, Hange and the kids, at something called a beach party. Hange had made a whole mess of themself, trying to scoop various sea creatures into a colourful plastic bucket, ignoring Levi's warnings. They'd ended up stung by poison noodles and Levi rushed them to a hospital in a panic with Eren's help. They hadn't learned anything, of course; at least not once the doctor assured there was no real danger.
He looks at the familiar rocks, forming a sort of natural bridge some meters deeper into the water. He can almost see Hange, pants rolled up, tip-toeing like a giant stork in the water, shoving disgusting sea creatures in his face, taking pictures. Slowly, he stands up and heads toward the rocks, jumping from stone to stone with some minor difficulty until he reaches the end of the rocky pier. He picks up a pebble and throws it into the ocean.
He thinks about the words they had spoken to each other the day they convinced him to oversee one of their experiments with Eren and after. As long as I have a say...
"You promised," he whispers under his breath. The ocean breeze stings in his eyes. He picks up another small stone, stands still like a statue for a moment, then lets out a growl of frustration and chucks it so hard it bounces off the water enough times that it's too far to be seen by the time it finally sinks under the surface.
--2. Sorrow In A Glass - open to anyone.
After finally leaving the beach his feet take him to a restaurant nearby where the Scouts had held a meeting of sorts shortly after his arrival. Hange had been excited about the bar, and against his better judgement, Levi sits down and orders the same monstrosity of a drink they had been sipping on back then.
Alcohol doesn't really affect him -- at least this amount isn't going to -- but he supposes it works on normal people. He's usually only seen it make them stupid, Commander Pixis being a notable exception to that rule, but there had to be a reason why they still did it, right? Maybe it made things hurt less. Wouldn't that be nice? He'd almost decided to test that theory, with Olwen tipping him off about Riki's potion, unfortunately the shop was apparently closed for renovating. Maybe he'd do that later. For now, he can still try to feel closer to Hange by taking part in something he knows they enjoyed.
It's probably poison anyway, so if he drinks a couple of them, maybe even he would feel it, right?
You can find him still sitting at the bar an hour later, elbows leaned on the counter, slowly sipping on a rainbow-colored cocktail that seems to go against just about everything from his style (all black today) to demeanor (surly and distant). There are several empty glasses of the same sort on the side by then, but there's not even a flush on his face; just a resigned deadness in his eyes... or maybe that's just his normal expression.
There's a cane leaned against the bar next to him. He's not sure how those things are related -- if they are at all -- but his leg had been hurting worse ever since he returned home from the chat with the city leaders. Maybe he overdid it scrubbing the floors; he had avoided that task for a reason, but now that Eren had moved out and Levi technically felt better he found little excuse not to do it himself. Maybe it's just one of those days. Maybe it's because he's not crying into his drink, and the outside has to match the inside in some way, he thinks bitterly, and sucks down more sickeningly sweet liquid. At least he's alive to feel that pain.
Hange isn't, unless they somehow lucked their way into another place like this. And what are the chances of that?
--3. Always Find Me Among The Stars - open to anyone.
When the shitty booze doesn't make this utter bullshit of a development make any more sense -- why now, why them, why was nobody able to do anything about sending people back to fucking die even though it has been months since the research started -- he heads for the final place that does. He often comes to the observatory -- to think, to reminisce, to simply stare up at the stars because he now could, after spending twenty six years in the dark of a cave. He'd been there to grieve and he'd been there to celebrate, too.
Stars make everything a little easier to bear, always have.
He leans against the railing of the observation deck, eyes on the sky, and blinks a few times to chase away the pain. Absently, he lifts his uneven hand to run his fingertips along the scar on the right side of his face. He has pictures now, at least, and he can probably loot Hange's bolo tie from their apartment, but even if he loses every material thing, he will always have this, a proof of them saving his life.
A proof that they had lived.
His knee starts aching again, and he drags himself over to the area with some chairs and beanbags, carefully settling into one before tilting his head back to stare at the hundreds of little lights again.
I hope you're still out there. You deserved more time.
--4. Picking Up The Pieces
a) (And Pieces, And Pieces) - close CR only!
The next couple of days remind him of the days after Shiganshina. Doing what is necessary, even if you'd rather be doing anything else. He wants to look through Hange's belongings -- if any of them are even still there, he's not sure if it's magic or some kind of secret service cleaning spaces out when someone disappears like this. He does manage to get his hands on some of their scientific notes and supplies and hand them over to Helene to copy, at least (she will let him have the originals back, and he will put the boxes in Hange's room in their new house, because of course they will have a room left for them). Maybe he finds the bolo tie he'd been looking; if not, he could always wish for it through the dandelion.
He can't make himself throw out what he thought to be junk last time he tried to clean the apartment up, with Hange still there. Now they're not, and the boxes still are. It doesn't feel real; just like it hadn't felt real to clear out Erwin's drawers back home. He'd never had to empty the office after that; after all, he never made it back to Paradis after Hange died.
Still, the mess is familiar, and he lingers, thinking of all the times they shared tea -- and sometimes other things -- at the tiny table and on the couch, of all the times Levi ended up nodding off despite having no intention to do so, of the jokes and banter and fights and their warmth.
When he comes back a day or two later, though, it's empty. The key doesn't work anymore either; he has to pick the lock to get in. The furniture the apartment came with is still there, of course, but there's no Hange; he didn't find their weird plant cat, either.
And just like that, the weight finally comes crashing down on him.
Maybe you had followed him, or just spotted the familiar door cracked open and peeked in, but the sight you find is the same; Levi quietly curled up on the right side of a nondescript couch in formerly-Hange's apartment, clutching an empty nondescript mug in his hands.
b) Out Of Sorts - open to anyone who happens to be in the starter building!
A few days later, you might be visiting to check on someone, or simply heading back to your own apartment when something odd catches your attention. A small-badger-sized but pissed off looking furry black animal scurries out of what you may or may not know as Levi and Eren's old apartment and makes a beeline toward either Hange's or Erwin's door, though if you or someone carelessly left their open, it might just dip in there instead.
Regardless, the tiny wolverine goes immediately to the nearest available pillow or cushion, drags it out into the middle of the hallway and murders it in a display of uncontained rage, somewhere between an overexcited puppy with a shoe and a cat breaking the neck of a bird. Then it seems to make actual eye contact with you and growls. It's not clear what the source of its irritation is, but apparently it might not be you.
...Is it wearing a cravat?
--5. Wildcard
(( If you'd like to pester him somewhere else or in a different way, hit me up on disco or
no subject
In the end, though, he seems perfectly happy just with Erwin's company. He still feels the same anger and sadness and frustration that had been haunting him for days, but Erwin's deep, rich, gentle voice soothes him, word by word, sentence by sentence, until he inevitably starts relaxing.
By the time the Commander is done with a few chapters, Levi has found his way entirely on Erwin's lap, draped over his torso in a way that has his head and front paws rested on the man's chest (and he has probably poked him with the giant claws more than once, sorry about that). It's probably really damn hot, as furry critters tend to be little furnaces, but Levi at least is unbothered. He's almost dozing by the time his own name gives him a soft start, and beady little mismatched eyes blink up at Erwin blearily.
He lets out a breath that sounds almost like a sigh and settles right back down, content to stay exactly where he is. Erwin can stop if he's tired, but he's certainly not moving anywhere from this spot unless he feels like jostling his fuzzy partner. And Levi will gladly continue listening and letting that voice lull him into calm.
no subject
He thinks he can feel Levi relax a little more - certainly when his little body seems to get heavier, when he starts to shift around (those claws do poke, but Erwin doesn't seem too bothered, or even complains). The weight and the warmth is nice, actually. But then, it would take quite a lot of discomfort for Erwin to have to dislodge Levi - for any reason, in any form.
Since he hadn't been completely asleep, he's happy to keep going, taking that little huff for agreement. Erwin gives him a little scritching at his ears before continuing. At the very least, he's pretty invested himself to carry on for quite a while - until Levi turns back, or he runs out of water and can't continue.
no subject
It's maybe a chapter or two later that Levi starts to really doze off -- and sure enough, as he dips partially into unconscious slumber, the magic finally unclasps. For a moment, it looks like the wolverine is suddenly growing larger... and then it's Levi, his head rested sideways on Erwin's chest and his limbs tucked around him.
The shift does end up jostling him a little and he wakes from that almost-snoozing with a start and a quiet gasp, glancing around in confusion.
I was going to say his clothes shifted with him but it would be kind of funny if due to him being new to this only the cravat managed to stay on... maybe too much of a mood shift though. We gotta do sad things here.He stares at Erwin a moment, sighs out something like an ugh, and plants his face right back into histitschest, a half-muffled grumble following."I had to piss in the litter box."
no subject
"Welcome back, Levi," he murmurs softly before the man collapses into his
titschest.--and then promptly bursts into a laugh, despite himself. If there was any doubt that he's well and truly returned, that would have cleared it all away.
Erwin tries to settle his laughter quickly, not at all forgetting it must have been quite the harrowing thing, but he's still twitching with unreleased chuckles as he sets the book aside and wraps his arms around the smaller man, gathering him closer.
"I'm sorry." Don't snicker don't snicker don't- "That does sound distressing."
no subject
"Oi," he says with a huff and punches him in the tit. Well, more like nudges him in the chest with a fist, since he doesn't want to actually hurt him. "Asshole. It's not funny."
...okay, he has to admit it's maybe a little bit funny. But it had been some very real existential horror for him, and yes, distressing. He wonders if him running around on all fours mean that his human hands had touched the floor.
Maybe he should have a bath just in case.
Still, he accepts the other man's comfort in the shape of an embrace and lets him pull him closer, grumbling more under his breath before sort of relaxing again.
"I don't know what happened. One moment everything was normal, and then I was like that."
no subject
He presses his lips to the top of Levi's head anyway.
"Mm. This place works in strange ways, doesn't it? As adorable as you were, I'm glad your ordeal is over. Especially because it means I won't have to eat the peach cake all on my own."
He could, but it's better that he doesn't.
no subject
He had hoped Erwin might have some more detailed theory or explanation for what happened to him, but it's not like weird shit wasn't going on in this place all the time. Still, he'd like to figure out how to avoid it happening again, if possible.
He seems to bristle slightly at the implication that Erwin would have denied peach cake to his creature form, even if it's probably for the best, and Levi doesn't care that much about cake anyway. But it's the principle of the thing.
"Yeah, and I won't have to shit in your shoes for it."
no subject
"Forgive me. I much prefer having you as you are to share it with."
With enough sad creature eyes, Erwin more than likely would have capitulated and given him some anyway. But it had made sense at the time to wait and see if the magic would wear off sooner than later.
After a few quiet, thoughtful moments, he speaks again.
"You were quite upset earlier," he begins softly. "Has anything else been that difficult since you've been here?"
no subject
Really, Erwin's presence and touch feels like it was what finally turned him back.
"...that's one word for it," he huffs. Difficult. Losing his eye was maybe difficult. Losing someone he loved, again, a second time, was fucking infuriating, devastating, insurmountable. "No. Don't think I've felt this angry since our world."
Perhaps when he heard that Jean died, or when Eren threw everyone into the Paths, he had felt similarly. But maybe there's something extra raw in his emotions reserved only for Hange and Erwin.
Or he hadn't unlocked the ability yet back then.no subject
Perhaps he hasn't been giving this the weight it deserves.
"I'm sorry," Erwin says, quietly. "You shouldn't have to hurt this much again." Levi has paid his price, over and over and over. It serves as a reminder that they can never quite be free of that fear, that no place is truly any sort of utopia. Perhaps one day he will disappear, too, and Levi will be alone again.
The thought twists in his chest, the sharpness of the emotion feels...strangely refreshing, even if it's painful.
"I do wonder...perhaps that is what caused your change. It seems as though you returned once you had calmed enough again."
no subject
You weren't there, he wants to say. You don't know what it was like for us after you were gone. Day after day after week after year. But he doesn't want Erwin to feel any worse about it than he already does. It's not him that Levi is angry at, anyway, and it's not his fucking fault, but he doesn't know, can not know just how much losing him -- and Moblit, and the rest of their damn force save for a handful of kids -- really wrecked them. He doesn't think anybody else could ever know but the two of them.
He hadn't really mourned Hange the first time. There was no time, and he was whisked away into this world as soon as the battle was over. Perhaps he's making up for it now, things just calm and serene enough for the pain to hit him full force.
Slowly, he weasels his hands inbetween Erwin's back and the couch, wrapping his arms around him, and squeezes him a little.
"I'd better fucking not," he grumbles into the other man's shirt. Don't make me let you go a third time. I don't know if I can. I don't want to find out.
He squeezes a little harder, though mindful not to hurt him.
The theory gives him a little pause. That... does seem to be what happened, actually, but he finds it irritating all the same, tensing just a little bit and huffing in offense. He doesn't turn into a creature this time at least, though. Yet.
"So what, I can't even have feelings now? What kind of a shitty joke is that?"
no subject
And Erwin wanted him to live.
He's imagined more than once what sort of man he would've become without him. None of it is good.
Maybe it was selfish of him, in a way. But Erwin Smith has always been a selfish man, and it was within his power as Commander to bend that scenario how he wished. Still, it was Levi, in the end, who set him free.
And now Levi holds him, here, arms snuggling around and his weight heavy and perfect on his chest. Erwin holds him a little more tightly, too, as though if they just hold on tightly enough, whatever power that might spirit one of them away would have no choice but to take both.
One arm winds across Levi's shoulders, the other stroking again through fine black hair. It's so soft, so perfectly familiar now even as he tucks his head to nose into it a little. Despite his earlier condition, Levi still smells like Levi (with maybe just a hint of creature left).
"It is a shitty trick, as though punishing you for the strength of your heart."
no subject
It's maybe, in some subconscious way, his thinking too; as long as they hold on strong enough, nothing can separate them. If only that were true, but he will allow himself a moment to believe it, a moment of touching life and flesh rather than dust slipping from his grip.
The creature probably just smells of fur and wool, as it had to transform into Levi's state of cleanness at the time, but he would likely still be offended to hear it, so it's probably for the best that Erwin doesn't mention it.
"I don't understand," he mutters, tired, annoyed, but apparently more sad than angry now, considering he's still in his human form. "Is it actually punishment? Do you think someone is trying to restrain me?"
Jokes on them, then. Even at his most enraged and worst breakdowns, he has never injured an innocent person by accident. This time, he didn't even have his gear on, there was no threat to anything aside from perhaps the integrity of the couch but he really doubts Olwen or whoever else is monitoring the magic of this place cares that much what newcomers do with their furniture.
No, it had to be something else. Right?
no subject
"Perhaps this new change was just triggered by the strength of your emotion. If these new abilities manifest spontaneously, it would make sense that a shift in your emotional and physiological state could cause it to happen suddenly."
A quiet, careful pause. "Not so unlike the power of your Ackerman lineage."
no subject
It would have been silly to think this place doesn't know about that, he supposes. Could the power inside him latch onto the magic that Ellipsa bestowed on him? In all honesty, that seems likely.
"...you may be right," he mutters, slow, considering. "That's how I discovered I had-- winter abilities. It just happened, on instinct, in a fight."
So if that really was how everything was going to work for him... it's not impossible that a different set of powers could follow the same pattern. If that's even what it is, of course. But then, why couldn't he turn back? He'd had almost perfect control over the water the first time; he just sensed, or maybe knew, what to do. But that wasn't the case with his creature form.
"...I know someone who can turn into a goose at will. Maybe I will speak with him."
Later, though. Right now, he's afraid to leave the comfortable nest of Erwin's arms; he's still choking on upset, and he feels like he might just shrink and grow fur again the moment they stop touching each other.
"This seems like a pain in the ass more than a power, though."
no subject
"It seems likely, then," he murmurs back. The mention of someone turning into a goose of all things has him chuckling softly for a moment. "That could prove enlightening either way, I should think. Maybe I would ask to accompany you."
Who can pass up hearing about that sort of thing?
His arms tighten briefly around Levi's smaller form. Despite the circumstance, Erwin revels in every moment they share like this; Levi always feels perfect in his arms, like he was meant to be there, made to fit.
"Perhaps someday you'll find it to be the thing that you need most." Granted, he can't really think of what that might be, but you never know.
"What was it like? You could understand me just fine, it seems. Did it feel like...you really were that creature?" Please tell him sir, he's very curious.
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"I wasn't planning to meet him," Levi grumbles,
to avoid retcon since it's already threaded,"just call. But if there's plans for demonstration, I'll let you know."It's a pain in the ass, and he would much rather not even do that, but so far he has seen one person change into any sort of an animal before his eyes and it was the cop asshole that's not entirely terrible. He's got mixed feelings about asking for help, but, well. He'll cross that bridge when he gets to it.
Later.
"Tch," he snorts, finding such an occurrence unlikely unless for some reason he goes spelunking in tiny caves, but he supposes there may be other uses for the creature form. It had felt oddly normal, actually.
He thinks for a moment.
"Sort of," he tries. "I was still me, but it didn't feel wrong to be the creature. Only when I wasn't able to do things I normally would. Even the tail felt natural. And... my emotions were a little easier to handle, I think. Simpler, maybe."
So it might have been an unconscious self-preservation effort when his feelings were really stirring up a storm.
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A while is fine. An eternity would be far too short of a time to spend with Levi. Crying might not change anything, but sometimes those feelings are just to difficult to be contained - and Erwin has the best chest for crying into, after all.
He sifts fingers through silky hair again, knowing that helps Levi relax, and hums a little, a deep rumble. "That is fascinating." It'd be an interesting experience...perhaps he should try to work on this magic himself instead of staying buried in books most of the time. But Erwin also has spent so much of his life not getting to read what he wanted, having the experience somewhat spoiled by the knowledge that anything he did read might either be incomplete at best, or an outright lie, at worst. Here...he's been bouncing from subject to subject nonstop and there's still so much more out there.
He voices what Levi seems to already be realizing: "Perhaps instead of preventing you from your emotions, it was protecting you from the worst of them. More precisely...you were protecting yourself."
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"You're saying I did this myself?" he grumbles after a while, voice soft with exhaustion. "How come I couldn't turn back, then?"
Except... he did. It may not have been an entirely conscious effort on his part, but there was certainly nothing else in play here when he shifted back in Erwin's arms.
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Another stroke of fingers, tracing around the curve of his ear. Levi is a solid weight against his chest, heavy and comforting and perfect. Erwin presses his lips briefly to his hair, imagines sending the love in his chest out and over him, soothing.
"You did, once you had calmed enough. I don't know that it will always be that way...perhaps it is only the first time it will trigger with extreme stress, and subsequently you'll be able to control it. But it's possible it might happen again."
Erwin pauses briefly, before adding on, quietly: "Although I hope it will not, because I do not wish for you to hurt like this, even just to find out if it is true."
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Whether Erwin has more magical ability than they thought, or it has nothing to do with magic at all and just the depth of the bond they share, what he's doing does seem to work. Levi's pain is a gentle simmer rather than a roaring inferno, and it seems it will stay that way for now.
He knows Erwin loves him, and still something in his chest does a little flip when the man says he doesn't want him to be hurting. It shouldn't be surprising; he's willing to take on Erwin's pain so he doesn't have to suffer it any hour of the day. And yet, it's still so surreal to have something like this aimed at him instead.
"Easy to say," he mutters, and then he's quiet.
It will get lighter, he knows it will. His wound will heal along the edges. It will never stop hurting, but he will learn to live around it, like he has many times before. He will learn how to keep the sharp parts from poking him too hard and how to do his best to keep it from tearing again. But it will never go away completely.
He wouldn't want it to, anyway. It's the least of what he owes them; remembering.
He stays quiet a while, still, holding onto Erwin, alive, warm, present. He's not sure how much time passes; maybe five minutes, maybe half an hour, but eventually he feels he has to share his thoughts before they push him over the edge again.
"...We bought a house, you know."
It's grumbled into Erwin's chest in melancholy, both arms still around him.
"We were going to tell you this week. You've been saying how you want a bigger place, for all of us. It was supposed to be a surprise."
And then Hange left them.
"Now, I don't know."
Do they keep it as yet another token of their time together, or do they abandon the whole idea now that there's only two of them left? It will probably hurt either way.
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Time slips by in a way they'd rarely had the luxury of when he was alive; uncounted, unhurried. Erwin dozes a little, lulled by Levi's presence, the mutual beating of their hearts. He's grown accustomed to this, to having him close, but he'll never take it for granted.
The grumbling rouses him gently, and he has to play back the words to himself before a gentle surprise takes over. His arms tighten briefly, an excitement flooding in, as he tucks his chin, trying to look Levi in the eye.
"You did?" Erwin can't keep the delighted sound from his voice, doesn't even try. "Levi...that's wonderful."
Few in the Survey Corps ever bothered to think about anything beyond service; the vast majority of them would die before retirement, anyway. And while Erwin had long let go of his quiet dreams ever becoming reality, that didn't mean he didn't entertain them in a private day dream every so often. A home with someone he loves...perhaps raising a family. It would never happen, in part or in full, but maybe here something like that could still be possible. He had Levi, still, and while their simple abodes here were familiar like a barracks...he'd been thinking more and more about their own dwelling for some time.
And they'd gone and done it...to surprise him.
A feeling surges in his chest, but stutters a little, at Levi's brief doubt.
Erwin brushes back some of his hair, cupping against the curve of his cheek with his palm.
"Why not?" he asks gently, curbing some of his enthusiasm.
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And yet, here, it was something they could have. A home. So why wouldn't they?
Levi senses Erwin trying to look him in the eye, and with a small sigh he finally lifts his face out of its nest, resting his chin against Erwin's chest instead, peering up at him with a bit of melancholy.
"It's just... something we were supposed to do together, all three of us," he mumbles, a bit slowly, as if trying to put his feelings into words as accurately as he can. "Hange would probably say to just get on with it anyway, but... it won't feel the same."
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"Mm...I understand." It does hurt, to have made all these plans, only to not be able to see them through together. Of course it does...when that had been stolen from them once before already, too. Erwin can understand Levi's hesitation - maybe it would just exacerbate that sense of loss...but that's never stopped him from moving forward before.
"However, I think you are correct - they wouldn't want you to hold back, not when you've already made the effort with them, to find a place you both want. Of course we'll bring all of their things and keep a space for them, and hope that they return to us. I know it isn't what you hoped for, but neither of us would want you to hold back from something that you've wanted just because we are gone."
Even though it is so, so rare for Levi to express his own wants and wishes, things he desires for himself, there's no need for that now. Not here, when comfort, at least, is so unthinkably easy to attain. After everything he's been through, the very least Levi deserves is a nice and comfortable home. Sure, the apartments are decent enough, but if he can have better, then why not?
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At least in some world, he ended up lucky. And so damn lucky at that.
"Yeah?" He mumbles, slowly, hopefully, as if taking it all into consideration. He was always going to move Hange's belongings in, of course, but hearing Erwin say it makes it feel more real, makes him feel more accepted. "Then alright."
"We'll take them with us."
In whatever shape they're able to do that now. He eyes Erwin seriously.
"Besides, I don't like taking back gifts."
Despite his mixed feelings about it, it had been meant as a present to Erwin. It wouldn't be fair to take it away from him now. It will hurt, yes... but it would hurt anywhere, and maybe the two of them can still make something nice of it.
Make a home.
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we can probs wrap this up soon
okok
they are so cute 😔
they are ;;
;;
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wrap probably?