[Closed Log] Fireflies are stars that couldn't journey to the skies

[rustyhonesty]

WHO: The Shingeki Cast
WHAT: Firefly catching
WHEN: During November Event
WHERE: Solarpeak Beach
WARNINGS: inevitable talk of death, likely gore and other attack on titan basic content warnings, will add as needed.

Just Shingeki cast seeing appreciating fireflies and catching them in jars while bonding on various levels.

Comments

[rustyhonesty]

"Mmh, in both of them. Somehow, I didn't think about them a lot before seeing them like this, though." Seeing them in numbers like these is definitely different. They basically light up the whole beach without needing additional lights.

Jean looks back to Marco, who looks kinda magical with the fireflies on his hand, smiling in their glow. "Yeah?"

[sunspotted]

Marco agrees that this many fireflies feels surreal. It's like the sky has fallen down and the stars are floating around them - or something poetic like that. Marco lowers his hand a little, only dislodging one firefly as he cups his other hand over them, making the light intensify a bit.

He's not looking at Jean, but his smile is sad.

"I know you told me you were fine but... I'm still worried about the fact that you died here..."

[rustyhonesty]

It doesn't occur to Jean that the glow he might be reminded of is the glow that they both had on when they met. Not until Marco speaks again.

Honestly, if he hadn't been glowing back then, Marco wouldn't have heard about Jean's death yet. It's not something he would have wanted for him to find out so soon after arrival. Honestly, it was probably better this way than Marco learning about it from someone else.

"It's already been several months since I died. I won't claim I'm completely fine and over it, but I don't at least think about it as much as I used to."

Jean looks back at the fireflies. "The Segments are pretty dangerous. That's where I got killed. In the Winter one."

[sunspotted]

Marco understands not being over it. His own memory of his death is visceral in his mind, and sometimes he wakes up grasping his other arm to make sure it's still there, that his skull is still whole.

"What happened?" He asks softly. He won't push it if Jean doesn't want to explain how it happened, but he still has to ask at least once.

[rustyhonesty]

Jean is quiet for a moment, wondering what he should say. There's always the option of not wanting to talk about it, but that doesn't really feel right to him.

"I was out on a expedition with two of my friends. It was supposed to be a quick observation type of thing, but instead we were caught in a series of storms and ended up on a very dangerous mountain."

He's come to accept the fact that there was nothing he could have done to prevent them from ending up there, no matter how much he tried to replay the trip in his mind. It was just very unfortunate.

"We encountered creatures called werewolves and ended up fighting them. One of them slashed me, giving me fatal wounds. But that wasn't what killed me."

[sunspotted]

As Jean speaks, Marco listens, but he also gently starts moving towards Jean. He doesn't care if the fireflies on his arm fly away, but either way his goal is to sit down next to Jean, since he's talking about his death.

Marco slowly lowers himself to the ground, setting the jar between his legs, and with his firefly-free other hand, reaches up to rub Jean's back a little.

He doesn't say anything just yet, giving Jean a soft, sad look.

[rustyhonesty]

It comforting to have Marco close. Jean gives him a very sad smile, mostly to appreciate him being there and rubbing his back. It might have been a while but it was still a tough subject for sure.

"There was an earthquake. It was strong enough to break a part of the cliff - the part I was standing on. I tried using my gear to save myself but ended up making things worse. So I fell to my death. Luckily I lost consciousness before that happened."

The only lucky thing about the whole situation. Jean touches his chest gently. The scars there felt like they were burning.

"It took three days for me to be revived. I was fully healed, except for the scars that the werewolf inflicted on me."

[sunspotted]

"And that's when you woke up in... the flower yard." He's had that explained at least, by someone familiar. He gives Jean's back another little rub.

"I'm sorry, but thank you for telling me. Our deaths were different but... even if you came back from yours, it's still hard to deal with. I have nightmares about it." He assumes the same is for Jean.

"If you ever need to talk about it..."

[rustyhonesty]

Jean nods to confirm and brings out his phone that has his flower charm still attached. A pink peony. "The flower's still there, too. As if I need a reminder."

Not that he's been to the flower yard since. He sees no point in that. It was a depressing place in its own way.

Jean shifts his focus back to Marco. He appreciates the offer, of course, but he needs to extend it back. Especially with how recent Marco's own death was. "You know, you can always talk to me, too, if you need it. I know it's not easy to talk about, but it might do you good, too."

[sunspotted]

After a moment, Marco shifts his arms, letting the fireflies take flight as he reaches for his own phone. There's an orange flower charm attached to the phone as well. He tilts it so Jean can see.

"In case something happens to me," he tells Jean softly. He's letting him see what the flower is, so he can recognize it. "Not that I intend to get into that kind of trouble." He tucks his phone back into his pocket, going silent as he considers Jean's words.

"I'm not... sure what there is to talk about," He admits haltingly. "It was terrifying, and it was painful. It was worse because my friends were leaving me behind for a Titan. Even if Reiner and Galliard have explained it to me..."

He had told Jean that he'd run into Reiner a little while ago, but Marco hadn't wanted to talk about it too much. Had just left it at that things were "fine".

[rustyhonesty]

Jean memorizes Marco's flower. As sad as the thought of ever needing it was, it was good to know. There's a sad look on his face as he remembers Mikasa waiting for him to return to the flower yard. He didn't want that for anyone, nor did he want to wait on someone else. But he understands what Marco means and nods, pocketing his own phone.

Marco did tell him he finally reached Reiner, even if by sheer coincidence. Jean hadn't asked for details, figuring Marco would tell if he wanted to. But it sounded like they got the worst out of the way, even if probably not all.

It was probably a mess, anyway.

"Did you... at least get a reason?"

[sunspotted]

Marco nods, taking a deep breath that sounds suspiciously like a sniff. He's cried so many times over this, though, that he's determined not to cry this time. Especially since things are supposed to be better, now.

"I heard something I shouldn't have," He says softly. "I was already figuring it out, if I'm honest, so I... had to go. It's -" He almost says it's not his fault, meaning Reiner, but then he shakes his head.

"I'm still upset about it. But it's Marley's fault, and that stupid war we ended up in. Nobody chooses to kill people like that for fun," he says, unknowingly echoing Bertholdt's words from long after he died. "I don't know if I'll ever... forgive him. But I don't want to be angry anymore. He was - is - my friend."

He takes a deep breath, looking at Jean and giving a sad smile.

"So, I'm trying to let it go."

[rustyhonesty]

There's a definite rush of relief washing through Jean's emotions. The feeling of vindication. It's mixed in with the sadness of the whole conversation they've been having, but it's there.

Jean had been right all along. About what Marco would do. He hadn't just imagined it to make himself feel better.

"That's what I've been doing. Moving past the hate and anger. I will never forgive Reiner... but I can still be his friend", Jean admits while smiling, sadly. "Because I thought about... What you would do. That you'd at least try to let it go and start again."

Jean's been carrying Marco with him even in these new worlds.

[sunspotted]

Marco's surprised, a little bit, and then laughs softly.

"You knew what I would do even before I did it," he accuses jokingly, raising a hand to rub at his eyes. Okay, he teared up, but he didn't start crying - that's a plus in his book.

"... I did hit him. Twice. The second time with a rock. But we still talked and hopefully things will be better. That's why I came out here tonight."

He sighs. "How can we hope to make things better if we don't try to be better, after all?"

[rustyhonesty]

Jean grins a little at the joke accusation. But then he's more serious again, listening to what Marco has to say. It's not surprising to hear about the hits (except the rock part). Marco had been furious when Jean told Reiner was there.

"Let me guess... Reiner made absolutely no move to defend himself?"

He hadn't when Jean hit him because he was shocked about Marco. So seeing the actual Marco probably made him freeze up even more.

"But you're right. Someone has to take the first step. Might as well be us."

[sunspotted]

"He didn't," Marco confirms sadly. He also hadn't noticed Reiner muttering let him at the time; it would have broken his heart and been reported to Jean if he had realized it.

He looks up at the fireflies in the sky again, giving a deep sigh.

"My room mate - Galliard. He's from Marley too," he tells Jean. "And I think the reason it worked out so well is because he was there. He told Reiner the blame lay at the people sending them out. Reiner seemed to take it to heart."

Marco clears his throat a little. "So, if you run into him, be nice? He can be a little sulky sometimes, but he's got a good heart."

[rustyhonesty]

Marco's words leave Jean silent for a while. He remembers the end of his and Reiner's first conversation.

Jean. Blame me. Not Annie, not anyone else. It was my fault. Just blame me.

It should have always been 'Marley' that's to blame. Not that he would have thought about that back then. He had been too angry and didn't know anything about the outside world. Well, he didn't know about it much even now. Just that Marley existed and Reiner's from there.

"That's good. It made me annoyed he tried to take all the blame. Of course, I blamed it on all of them, but... now I know better, at least."

At least he learned.

"But sure. I don't plan on making enemies with anyone just because they're from a different place and supposedly enemies."

[sunspotted]

"He tries to do that. He always has, you remember." Marco thinks back to broken straps on his ODM gear and It's my fault, Commander, I helped him put it on. Getting between Eren and Jean's fights to try and keep them calm.

"He'll have to live with the guilt of what he's done for the rest of his life. Anytime I think about getting angry, I try to imagine living with that, and it doesn't last long." He shakes his head, a little, trying to get rid of the sad expression after he contemplates it.

Then he beams. "Good! I think you two will get along."

[rustyhonesty]

Live with the guilt. Yeah, Jean can relate to that. Not on the same level as Reiner, for sure, but vaguely.

"That reminds me that Reiner stopped me from making a mistake I'd probably have never properly recovered from, earlier this month."

He hasn't really told anyone but Mikasa about it. So only a few people knew (her and those involved). It still bothers him quite a bit. "I tried to kill two people that are very important to me, while I was possessed by something."

[sunspotted]

Marco tilts his head at the first statement, confusion crossing over his face. Then Jean mentions trying to kill someone and he looks startled.

"What - possessed? What happened?!" He asks, concern etched across his face.

[rustyhonesty]

"We were on a quest in the Summer Segment, Reiner and me. It was about finding some useful artifacts. Well, turns out those artifacts are possessed by ghosts that want to fulfill a wish they couldn't do when they were alive", Jean explains, drawing lines idly into the sand while he does.

"... the one possessing me wanted to avenge his death. But he knew that the person who killed him was dead, too. So he... looked through my memories and found out who I was with when I died. So he decided they would do."

Just his luck to be stuck with a lunatic ghost. A very annoying lunatic ghost at that.

"Even if it wasn't their fault."

[sunspotted]

Well, that's a frightening concept. He knows the segments are dangerous, but it's useful information to have if he ever goes out with someone on a quest. Marco shifts a bit closer, concern still clear on his face. He reaches out and rests a hand on Jean's shoulder.

"So the ghost was trying to make it back to them, and Reiner stopped you...?"

[rustyhonesty]

Jean shakes his head.

"I... he? ... a message was sent to the them, asking to meet at the Sunwaning bridge. Reiner had no clue what was going to happen, but naturally he followed since I was acting weird."

The message had been simple. Just asking for Mukuro and Hijikata to meet him there and that it was important. And they listened and came to meet their younger brother.

"So we met. I took my sword and launches myself at them without a warning. Reiner was able to hold me back. Somehow they got the artifact away from me and everything returned to normal."

[sunspotted]

He can see that it had been terrifying for Jean. And, he's sure, terrifying for those siblings of his as well. If Jean had sent a message like that to Marco? He wouldn't have questioned it, and wouldn't have suspected Jean at all.

He squeezes Jean's shoulder.

"I'm glad everyone was physically okay," he offers softly. "How are you doing?"

[rustyhonesty]

Jean raises his hand to put on top of Marco's. Mostly for his own comfort, but also as a gesture that he appreciates it.

"I mean, I know it's not my fault it happened. I do wonder if I need to work on my mental strength or something, but even then it could have happened, you know?"

It's not an actual answer to exactly how he's doing, but probably tells a lot about how much he's been thinking about it.