seasonsrpg | [closed] levi, no: vol.1 (bad at communication)

...

[ The truth is... there was some extra strain. He was fine, he thinks, but it's not like his leg had been making any progress since the first month or two anyway. The brace is mitigation, not a treatment. So does it really matter that much whether he's careful?.. He'd probably need something like that for the rest of his life, anyway. ]

[ He's a little upset by the thought, but he's also aware he got off easy there. He could have lost the leg entirely. From what Gabi told him, he was in much worse shape back home, too, and there was no getting better at all, not with the level of technology and medicine available to them. All they could do was mitigate it too, with whatever means they could. Coming to Ellipsa was fucking lucky on that front, too. ]

You could have just told me the truth. That you want me to go but you're worried I'll hurt myself. And then I would've told you to eat shit.

[ It's as much of a realistic portrayal of events as it is an attempt to lighten the mood. But it would have ended up much the same way, wouldn't it? Hell, maybe the mission would have been easier on him with both Hange and Eren there, at least mentally. Not being turned into a statue was an... unfun endeavor, considering he lowkey hates his quest partner despite acknowledging they make a decent team. ]

[ He sighs. ]

But it didn't.

[ That's what matters, right? ]

[ #noregrets #yolo #lookonlyforward ]

[ He does get it, though. Hell, he had gotten all twisted in knots over them going to the beach earlier that month. Not to acknowledge their worry would have been hypocritical at best. And he never intended for them to suffer like that. It was supposed to be a petty spat, a comeback they could both bitch and later laugh about, not... whatever this was. ]

...Sorry for worrying you.

[Hange had been worried, perhaps more than necessary, but they accept the apology with no resistance. They had also been in the wrong, after all, perhaps more-so seeing as their decision to not say anything and fuck off into the wilderness is what caused this whole episode to begin with.]

I was worried, but it wasn't all your fault. I didn't know that sometimes the phones won't work when you're far away..

[So even this technology has its flaws too, huh? They don't use pen and paper letters any more, there is no need to, but perhaps they should be keeping something like that around as a backup just in case?]

[The peach gets set down, the uneaten side now resting on the table as Hange uses both hands to quickly grab one of Levi's, slightly sticky fingers wrapping around his own.]

I'm sorry I didn't tell you, even though I was trying to spare your feelings. Don't worry, I won't do it again! If something similar happens I'll just tell you, and then I'll bitch when you ignore it anyway.

[It will be opposite day, like all the times Levi bitches when Hange immediately does something he says not to do. Though they feel this was slightly more serious than, say, picking up lobsters on the beach.]

Next time they offer up a long mission outside of the city, let's just go together, yes?

[ The phone thing was news to him, too. But this is exactly why he doesn't trust modern technology! Letters are clearly superior! ]

[ Levi follows the peach with his eyes, somewhat glad that it wasn't set the juicy side down though he'll probably need to clean the table anyway -- but before he can extrapolate what this means for his immediate future, it's already too late. ]

[ He flinches slightly, grimacing as he feels the stickiness against his hand. It makes him want to throw them out the window and peel his skin off up to the elbow immediately, but Hange looks so earnest in their apology that he endures it, not pulling his hand out of their grip against the entirety of his instincts yelling at him. It's not that much worse than holding someone's bloody hand, right... ]

[ It's fine. He was going to shower anyway. It's fine. ]

[ ~~Why does this look and sound like some kind of a proposal...~~ ]

...I'd like that.

[ He says simply, expression lightening somewhat, though there's still a little bit of strain and barely disguised bristling at the moist, sticky peach hand. ]

We did say we'd go out to explore again.

[ Just another promise to keep, then. ]

[~~it's a promise to go adventuring again, that's way better than a proposal~~]

Yes, we did! It will be fun, and we'll even be making money on the side. Let's be sure to check next month's mission board, right Levi?

[Future plans set in motion, Hange lets out a sigh that seems to let all the tension evaporate from their shoulders, a soft smile brewing as they finally release Levi's hand in order to grab the peach once again and take another bite.]

[Oh, now that they're in a better mood-]

Thanks for the peach, by the way! Want some?

[Hange's hand extends to hold it out at face level. If he wants some...]

[ ~~IT REALLY IS~~ ]

Sure.

[ He's absolutely more excited about it than he sounds, promise! ]

[ Levi shakes his hand off a little (in vain, because the stickiness clings to him like a glove), his cheek twitching slightly as there's a peach being shoved in his face, and he leans away from it with a hint of a grimace. Gross. ]

...No.

[ He's still just sort of holding his dirtied hand awkwardly in the air, not wanting to touch anything else and pass the stickiness onto it. He'll just... try to use his feet to scoot his chair backwards a little, so hopefully he can release himself from the dusty feet prison and actually get up. ]

I'm going to shower.

[ Which could be a cue for Hange to leave, but he also isn't exactly going to be upset if they decide to stick around, because, well. He could probably use some sleep after over a week of pretty much not doing it. ]

[More peach for Hange then! After giving a little shrug they go back to munching on the fruit quite contently.]

Okay.

[Hange at least picks their feet up from the chair, letting them hover there as Levi now has room to move the chair away and go do his thing. He didn't mention anything about kicking Hange out, so they decide to just... stay there.. happily eating the fruit as he goes to shower. They'll even was their hands once done!]

[ Will they also clean the table and floor where the fruit juice inevitably dripped? That is the question. Levi does map the exact spot that will need to be sprayed and wiped in his mind, though, so he can just return to it later. ]

[ He grabs some clean clothes from his room and retreats to the shower, which as usual takes him somewhere between three and five minutes before he's sticking his head out the door grumpily. His hair looks damp. ]

Got any fresh bandages?

[ He'd gotten pretty good at washing up without getting them wet, but he hadn't gone to the medical center after returning and after the whole Hange onslaught he doesn't want to keep the old ones on for any longer than necessary. ]

[They did in fact wipe down the table where the peach was sitting! They know Levi all too well after all! The one spot on the floor got missed, however.]

[Hange happens to be exiting the kitchen as Levi's head pokes out. Bandages? That can only mean one thing...]

You're injured? Where?

[My guy did you sit through that whole conversation just now and neglect to mention that you actually did hurt yourself??]

[ Awww. Even after being so mad at him. ]

[ Also, if he had hurt himself, that's totally how it would have went, so he can't even blame them for it. But also: Hange, pls. ]

[ He dead-stares at them for a moment and uses his wrapped-up hand to point at the adhesive patch over his eye. It's probably starting to fray a little bit, even if of course it still looks pretty clean because of course it does. ]

Still the same place. They usually change it when I go in for "physical therapy", but I missed it.

[ Since he was out on a mission. Which also counts as physical therapy, right? ]

[ Really, he'd been told it was already safe to remove it a couple weeks back, but something just held him back. There was still some plausible deniability while he was wrapped up. Maybe he'd get better. (He knows he won't. He got as well as he was going to at this point.) Taking it all off meant embracing his new reality, just like he already partially had with his leg, and with everything going on he just hadn't felt quite... ready for it. ]

[Oh. Nothing new, so that's good. But the facial injuries should have healed by now... at least as well as they are going to. Perhaps this world and its technology can offer more improvement than their own world ever could, but the skin should have healed over by now. It's been months..]

...I have some in my apartment if you want them, but are you sure you even need it? I imagine it's healed over well enough by now..

...

[ They're right, of course. He's being -- he's not even sure. Stupid. Cowardly. Conceited, maybe. He already knows what he's going to see when he takes it off, so what's the hold up? If it hadn't magically fixed itself by now, it's not going to just because he keeps it under wraps. ]

...yeah, you're right.

[ He ducks back into the bathroom, not bothering to shut the door again, and rolls up his sleeves, staring at himself in the mirror in silence for a few moments. He was going to have to do it soon anyway. Maybe this is that final little shove he needed. ]

[ No time like the present, right? ]

[ He sighs and finally starts to unravel the bandage around his hand. ]

[ It feels... odd. Somehow, when it was all bandaged tight, it didn't necessarily feel like he was missing anything, every inch of his skin comforted by multiple layers of gauze, but now that it's off, he's suddenly hyper aware of it. ]

[ He tosses the bandage in the rubbish bin and and sticks his mangled hand into the sink to finally wash it properly with soap instead of getting wiped down with antiseptics. It's probably clean enough, but he's been under a lot of stress as is, and obsessively scrubbing his skin seems to help. ]

[ At least it's fully healed by now, ends of the stumps covered with smooth skin in a way that it almost looks like normal fingertips. Just... way too short. ]

[Hange hangs around in the hallway for a moment, at first debating whether to snoop or simply leave him to it, before opting to quietly move towards the open door, watching silently as Levi throws the bandages away and begins to clean his hand.]

[They have both seen their fair share of mangled limbs in their line of work, but it's different when it's your best friend's, different when it's your own. Hange continues their silent watch from the doorway, allowing Levi the space but being within reach if he needs assistance.]

[At least until the scrubbing seems to never end and they become concerned that it may cause too much irritation on the newly-aired skin, at which point they move closer towards the sink, lightly gripping Levi's palm with thumb and index finger in order to lift it up and away from the flow of water..]

It seems to have healed well. The doctors here did a great job. Does it hurt to touch?

[Some amputees are lucky and the nerves behave as they normally would. Some experience pain with touch. For some, the pain is never-ending. Now that the constant pressure from the bandages is released, it is important to analyze whether it causes any physical discomfort before crossing the bridge of any mental distress associated with it.]

If it hurts, tell me. I'll gather more bandages.

[ He doesn't jolt, not exactly, but it's definitely like that touch pulled him out of some sort of a spiraling fixation, as he looks almost surprised for a moment before his expression is back to the usual neutrality. ]

[ Luckily, Hange's fingers don't feel sticky this time, so he lets them hold on, figuring the way it healed so cleanly must tickle their scientific curiosity. It certainly looks less gruesome than such injuries normally did back home, not that it brings him much joy. ]

...No.

[ In truth, it does hurt sometimes, a dull ache that's an echo of the pain from when the wounds were fresh, but it doesn't seem to be related to it being touched, or... anything, really, so he figures he might as well not worry them until it proves to be a problem. (Didn't they just agree on open communication? Oops. But listen, this is totally different. There's nothing that can actually happen to him because of this. Right?) ]

[ Well, there's a portion of it that he can share, maybe. He wiggles the stumps a little for emphasis. ]

Feels like it's still there, sometimes.

[ He may have poured some tea into his lap at some point, thinking he was holding the cup properly only to discover there was no support on one side. He's getting used to it, now, but he's not surprised that it takes time. At least he hasn't had any such fuckups while with his gear, but he imagines the fact that he's been using reverse grip in most situations anyway probably helped. ]

[Hange continues to hold on to the hand, lightly touching the base of the missing fingers to further inspect them while avoid the healed-over tips. It certainly looks better than anything they could have hoped to achieve in their own world, one of the few things they can be thankful for due to arrive here as they did.]

I'm just glad it wasn't infected. I'm sure we have the medicines here to thank for that. I did what I could whilst out in the field, but all that mud and river water..

[His injuries were sanitized the best they could be with the supplies scrounged while on the run, but the possibility of infection was always a serious concern for major injuries within the scouts, especially when there was no time and no real supplies in order to treat it effectively..]

[Hange eventually lets go of his hand, watching its movements with a rather solemn expression. It was never nice to see people with missing body parts even if they managed to keep their life. Losing an eye had become limiting enough until the body eventually adapted to it, as someone that uses their hands for so much Hange can imagine how frustrating it must feel to lose that dexterity.]

That was a common complaint of the injured at home. Sometimes they would topple over or reach for things they can no longer grab because for a moment, they forgot that hand or that foot was no longer there.

You seem to manage well enough, though. I wouldn't expect anything less from you.

[To power through when life throws one shitty scenario at you after another, Levi's always had that type of strength in their opinion.]

If it bothers you, maybe those doctors at the medical center can suggest something.

...

[ It's definitely taking too long now, that contact, and he should probably pull away, but he doesn't find it in him to do so. Instead, it seems to make his throat feel tighter for some reason. ]

I'm glad I wasn't awake for that. [ An attempt at humor, this. He's as surprised as Hange is that it didn't end up infected if what they're saying is true -- and knowing them, the only reason for it to be untrue is if it was actually worse, but at least he didn't come to smelling like an outhouse. Silver linings. More importantly, though, they should take the credit where it's due, because while he agrees this place has probably helped it heal as neatly as it did, it wasn't this place that prevented him from dying. ] ...Gabi said I'm still alive years after the war, so you must've done something right.

[ As usual, what's meant to be a compliment sounds like anything but, but there's hoping that they will read through his innate harshness as usual. ]

[ Absent-mindedly, he almost closes his remaining fingers on Hange's, but they finally let go, and he lets his hand drop down to his side instead. At least he's not trying to clean the invisible dirt off of it anymore. ]

...I always manage.

[ And isn't that the truth. He's rarely happy about it or whatever, but he makes do, somehow. He rolls his visible eye a little and raises his good hand to start peeling at the corner of the adhesive bandage over his eye. ]

If they could regrow body parts, I imagine they would've done so by now.

[ Or maybe they'd just need to go to the magical instead of the medical section and request it, but that's a surprise discovery that might help us later! ]

Yeah.. it was honestly for the best..

[To not have to suffer through the pain, or to at least not be forced into experiencing it in real-time. There were the physical parts of course, from the injury itself and then being pummeled by rocks and water, Hange needing to pull and tug at bleeding wounds in order to stitch them up, but unconsciousness also spared Levi from the emotional pain brought about by it. Spared the bitterness of betrayal as former comrades and subordinates had them staring down the barrel of a rifle. The impending doom coinciding with the realization that the very same people they would have given their own lives for if necessary had no qualms about leaving their corpses to rot on a river bank, the final layer to the shit-sandwich being their beloved Zeke fucking Yaeger crawling around on the ground with not even a scratch on him.]

[Yeah, Levi. Be glad you weren't awake for most of it.]

...

["I always manage". If the conversation were more lighthearted, Hange may commend him on his perseverance and tenacity, but in this instance all it serves is to leave them uncharacteristically silent as an uncomfortable knot settles in their gut.]

[Reminded of the memory portals, Hange had been able to glimpse at little snippets of a time into Gabi's future, seeing her and Levi experiencing what the healing world had to offer, but even then, that's what he'd been doing, right? Managing.]

[Just as he always had, from growing up in that undercity, to losing Isabelle and Furlan, losing squad after squad. At least for a time they had been managing through it together, with losing Erwin and their other friends, losing the naivety their isolated island had bestowed upon them, the potential of war an annihilation and all that, but it was at least a small comfort to know that somebody else was there beside you to have your back when needed, or give you a little push.]

[But the future's not like that, is it? It isn't that Hange is vain enough to think that he'd mourn their loss more than any of the others, but for being the last one to go (and being so adamant about it too) they know they bear a sizeable portion of that responsibility. Surely Levi must have been relieved that the fighting was over, the world was moving on, and with Gabi and the others there he wouldn't be lonely, but Hange has to wonder... was he happy? Or was he managing, because he still carried all the expectations of those dedicated hearts he had collected one by one.]

...

[Who knows how much time has passed, Hange's jaw tensed and lost in those thoughts as they blankly watch fingers picking apart adhesive from skin until something, a movement or sound perhaps snaps them back into the moment.]

[At least here, right now, he doesn't need to manage alone.]

Here, let me do it.

[They won't push it if met with resistance but Hange reaches out, intending to use a hand to rest along his jawline for stability as the other reaches up to silently continue peeling away the gauze and bandages, choosing to focus on that rather than those feelings of uncertainty simmering within. Hadn't it been less than ten minutes since they'd been at each other's throats over something that now seemed so trivial?]

[ He may not have experienced it in real time, but he has a fairly good idea from the bits and pieces he's heard -- in the forest, when Hange was talking to themself, when everyone was fighting over making an alliance, then on the ship, when they were watching over him, and the few sparse conversations they had inbetween along with snippets from the others. He always knew they were strong, but that had to hurt like hell. ]

[ He wonders if having to kill their former comrades pursuing them was the beginning of Hange's suicide charge. ]

[ They bared their soul to him in that forest, and he only managed to really do the same during their last moments together. ]

...

[ Levi hasn't lived that future, but he thinks he has a pretty good idea about it by now. ]

[ He couldn't say he was never happy. That wouldn't be fair. To Gabi, to Falco, who did everything to make him feel less alone in the world while the rest of their squad moved on with their lives. To all of their fallen comrades who never got to experience the outside world. To Hange, and everyone else who died to make sure said world would continue existing. No, he'd feel it sometimes. Maybe fleeting, maybe one day he would smile again, at the brats' shenanigans or the evening sky or there being too many goddamn books in the house. ]

[ But some of those wounds would never fill, would they? There was just so much loss in his life, from his loved ones to eventually even his strength, though perhaps by then it would feel like the lifting of a curse. All those hearts he picked up ended up too heavy long before he could finally stop. On some level at least, he would always be... managing. ]

...

[ Hange's been quiet for a while now, and Levi is about to ask if they suddenly need to shit or something when they finally move. ]

You don't need to... [ He starts, but does nothing to stop their hand, wincing slightly as they pick up where he left off before deadpanning, ] I think that part's stuck on my eyebrow.

[ The adhesive isn't strong enough to actually rip all of it out, but it's definitely unpleasant tugging at it. ]

[ That fight really was kind of silly, wasn't it?.. ]

[If they were feeling more like themselves, Hange would tell Levi to suck it up and deal with it, telling him that it's better to rip it off and get it over with. Hairs grow back, eventually! Thankfully though his eyebrow hairs get to live another day, or most of them at least, as Hange is feeling... sentimental, or whatever the word for this is.]

[They take their time to peel away the adhesive, doing their best to press down on the eyebrow with a finger so that some of them detach or simply break in half as opposed to ripping all the hairs out from the root, though a loss of some is inevitable.]

...It doesn't look too bad, considering.

[Enough of the skin is becoming visible now that the scarring can be seen, a permanent reminder of his run-in with Zeke.]

Just be glad I can sew a face better than I can my clothes! Hah..

[It isn't really that funny at all, but it is true that they have absolutely massacred cloaks or socks in the past trying to patchwork the holes. Nothing can be done about it at this point, and it's not as though either of them were super invested in appearances, but hopefully he can accept the new additions that will now be on view...]

[ He wouldn't even kick a fuss about it. He's lost fingers, after all, some hair would hardly be worth a mention. But Hange chooses to be gentle with him anyway, and he's not sure how he's supposed to take it. ]

[ In the end, he just stands there quietly as they peel away the tape and gauze, exposing the rest of his face to the world. ]

[ He'd gotten used to the bandages by now, but the large scar looks alien on his face in the mirror. Absently, he lifts his good hand, brushing the tip of his index finger along it, feeling the little ridge that didn't use to be there. ]

[ He realizes Hange had been quiet since their attempt at a joke. ]

...It looks fine.

[ Surely they don't feel bad about saving his life? Because that's what it is. That's what it represents, as far as Levi is concerned. It's a permanent reminder that his friend wouldn't let him die. Anything Zeke related can fuck right off. ]

[ He pulls his hand away from his face, exhales, and finally tries to open his eye. He doesn't expect it to work, but he still feels a twang of something like disappointment as his his eyelashes part, revealing a clouded cornea, and his field of vision doesn't seem to change. ]

[ Maybe he'd let himself hope the people here who gave him back his leg, fragile as it was, would have done something with his eye as well. As if he wasn't incredibly lucky to even be alive to begin with. ]

[ He moves his hand in front of himself a few times just to confirm the obvious, then lets it drop to his side. ]

Figures. [ He says softly, then turns his face toward Hange, leveling them with a deadpan just in case they were still beating themself up over something that wasn't even their fault; ] Guess now we match.

[ It's not particularly funny either, but it's technically true too. ]

[There is no guilt over saving his life, it would be repeated a thousand times over if necessary, but there is sympathy attached to a very visible reminder of when everything went irreversibly wrong.]

[As the last of the bandages are removed Hange drops them on to a counter-top to dispose of later, observing as Levi flexes a hand before his face. They don't expect the damaged eye to work either, if there had been improvement then surely Levi would have mentioned it after one of those times when the dressings were reapplied, but Hange also understands more than anybody else the need to just try, to open it and look around, to enjoy a moment of foolish hope where you tell yourself that maybe, by some miracle, your eyesight will return to normal.]

[It won't, they both know it, but it's still worth it to try.]

My left, your right, we do make a matching set. Maybe we need to make standard issue eyepatches and include them as part of the scout's uniform.

[Another half-hearted joke, but after a moment of consideration Hange reaches up to remove their glasses, and then the eyepatch strapped around their head. After years of healing any damage to the eyelids or skin around the afflicted eye is rather minimal in comparison, though Hange chooses to keep it closed as they hold out the eyepatch.]

I prefer to keep it covered because it looks cool!

[Yep, totally the most valid reason! But also:]

...Although I can no longer see out of it, it isn't as if all the nerves stopped working. Sometimes bright light can bother it and give me a headache, so I usually keep it on. Plus like I said, I think it gives off some rather mysterious vibes! But maybe it won't be a problem for you.

[ He exhales a little louder than usual which passes for a sound of amusement. ]

...It's not the kind of injury you tend to get while fighting normal Titans.

[ People died more often than they lost something like an eye. Now limbs, limbs was a different matter; few of those who survived getting grabbed by a Titan tended to return without an arm or a leg or with broken bones. ]

[ He looks in a mixture of alarm, confusion and disbelief as Hange promptly offers him their eyepatch. He folds his arms and stares down at it for a moment. ]

"Mysterious"? You look like a sea robber.

[ Look, he's seen posters with pirates around the city and all, he totally knows what he's talking about. ]

[ Except, don't mind him, he'll totally be donning an eyepatch at least for missions when he realizes he's much more prone to poke himself in the eye with things now that it's uncovered and he's still blind in it. ]

[ For now, though, he just turns away to wash his face properly, entirely ignoring the generous offer. Ouch, that must sting, but it's nothing they're not used to. ]

The sea-robbers also look mysterious and interesting, though! I heard they live on boats, and sail wherever they want to. Apart from all the crime, what's not to like?

[Evidently Hange does not know pirates very well, but they looked cool on those picture box ads that play every now and again!]

[They hold the eyepatch out for a little while longer, still expecting Levi to take it and try it on, but that moment never comes and he turns to start washing his face instead so fine, whatever! Be eyepatch-less and uncool! Hange waits a few moments longer before putting it back over their own eye with a huff. Don't mind them, just hanging out and leaning against the wall watching as Levi continues to wash up.]

Uh-huh. They also shit overboard and never bathe.

[ No, actually, that would appeal to Hange wouldn't it? Just kidding. But still, they always need to water off those tense emotional moments with some rudeness, right? ]

[ At least, their presence means that he doesn't get stuck in a neurotic spiral of scrubbing this time; once he's content that his entire face is clean and there's no gunk left in the eyelashes on his injured side, he reaches out for a towel to dry off. ]

Have you ever cleaned that thing?

[ He's referring, of course, to the eyepatch, which isn't exactly a piece of clothing that gets laundered with the rest. See his point, Hange? If you want him to give it a try, better get him a new one. Maybe one that looks exactly the same, though, just to keep that idea of matching going. ]

Surely they take a dump in a bucket first and then throw that overboard. Seems unsafe, otherwise.. can you imagine being caught in a storm, and you're trying to squat off the side of the boat?

[Actually.. the imagery of that is pretty amusing to be honest. But of course Levi would get caught up on the cleanliness of the experience, and not the adventure!]

I clean it.

[The eyepatch gets adjusted into a better position, before the glasses are once again placed over it.]

I have a few spares that are the same colour, if you're wondering if I wear the same one every time. Do you want one of those?

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1/2

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AND WE MOVE ONTO EYEPATCH ARC IG

IG!!

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cw: amputation description

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i didnt mean to make a tag about removing tape into sad but here we are :')

too bad, i cryed,,

we cry together

;;

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