seasonsrpg | [closed] levi, no: vol.1 (bad at communication)

[Hange continues to hold on to the hand, lightly touching the base of the missing fingers to further inspect them while avoid the healed-over tips. It certainly looks better than anything they could have hoped to achieve in their own world, one of the few things they can be thankful for due to arrive here as they did.]

I'm just glad it wasn't infected. I'm sure we have the medicines here to thank for that. I did what I could whilst out in the field, but all that mud and river water..

[His injuries were sanitized the best they could be with the supplies scrounged while on the run, but the possibility of infection was always a serious concern for major injuries within the scouts, especially when there was no time and no real supplies in order to treat it effectively..]

[Hange eventually lets go of his hand, watching its movements with a rather solemn expression. It was never nice to see people with missing body parts even if they managed to keep their life. Losing an eye had become limiting enough until the body eventually adapted to it, as someone that uses their hands for so much Hange can imagine how frustrating it must feel to lose that dexterity.]

That was a common complaint of the injured at home. Sometimes they would topple over or reach for things they can no longer grab because for a moment, they forgot that hand or that foot was no longer there.

You seem to manage well enough, though. I wouldn't expect anything less from you.

[To power through when life throws one shitty scenario at you after another, Levi's always had that type of strength in their opinion.]

If it bothers you, maybe those doctors at the medical center can suggest something.

...

[ It's definitely taking too long now, that contact, and he should probably pull away, but he doesn't find it in him to do so. Instead, it seems to make his throat feel tighter for some reason. ]

I'm glad I wasn't awake for that. [ An attempt at humor, this. He's as surprised as Hange is that it didn't end up infected if what they're saying is true -- and knowing them, the only reason for it to be untrue is if it was actually worse, but at least he didn't come to smelling like an outhouse. Silver linings. More importantly, though, they should take the credit where it's due, because while he agrees this place has probably helped it heal as neatly as it did, it wasn't this place that prevented him from dying. ] ...Gabi said I'm still alive years after the war, so you must've done something right.

[ As usual, what's meant to be a compliment sounds like anything but, but there's hoping that they will read through his innate harshness as usual. ]

[ Absent-mindedly, he almost closes his remaining fingers on Hange's, but they finally let go, and he lets his hand drop down to his side instead. At least he's not trying to clean the invisible dirt off of it anymore. ]

...I always manage.

[ And isn't that the truth. He's rarely happy about it or whatever, but he makes do, somehow. He rolls his visible eye a little and raises his good hand to start peeling at the corner of the adhesive bandage over his eye. ]

If they could regrow body parts, I imagine they would've done so by now.

[ Or maybe they'd just need to go to the magical instead of the medical section and request it, but that's a surprise discovery that might help us later! ]

Yeah.. it was honestly for the best..

[To not have to suffer through the pain, or to at least not be forced into experiencing it in real-time. There were the physical parts of course, from the injury itself and then being pummeled by rocks and water, Hange needing to pull and tug at bleeding wounds in order to stitch them up, but unconsciousness also spared Levi from the emotional pain brought about by it. Spared the bitterness of betrayal as former comrades and subordinates had them staring down the barrel of a rifle. The impending doom coinciding with the realization that the very same people they would have given their own lives for if necessary had no qualms about leaving their corpses to rot on a river bank, the final layer to the shit-sandwich being their beloved Zeke fucking Yaeger crawling around on the ground with not even a scratch on him.]

[Yeah, Levi. Be glad you weren't awake for most of it.]

...

["I always manage". If the conversation were more lighthearted, Hange may commend him on his perseverance and tenacity, but in this instance all it serves is to leave them uncharacteristically silent as an uncomfortable knot settles in their gut.]

[Reminded of the memory portals, Hange had been able to glimpse at little snippets of a time into Gabi's future, seeing her and Levi experiencing what the healing world had to offer, but even then, that's what he'd been doing, right? Managing.]

[Just as he always had, from growing up in that undercity, to losing Isabelle and Furlan, losing squad after squad. At least for a time they had been managing through it together, with losing Erwin and their other friends, losing the naivety their isolated island had bestowed upon them, the potential of war an annihilation and all that, but it was at least a small comfort to know that somebody else was there beside you to have your back when needed, or give you a little push.]

[But the future's not like that, is it? It isn't that Hange is vain enough to think that he'd mourn their loss more than any of the others, but for being the last one to go (and being so adamant about it too) they know they bear a sizeable portion of that responsibility. Surely Levi must have been relieved that the fighting was over, the world was moving on, and with Gabi and the others there he wouldn't be lonely, but Hange has to wonder... was he happy? Or was he managing, because he still carried all the expectations of those dedicated hearts he had collected one by one.]

...

[Who knows how much time has passed, Hange's jaw tensed and lost in those thoughts as they blankly watch fingers picking apart adhesive from skin until something, a movement or sound perhaps snaps them back into the moment.]

[At least here, right now, he doesn't need to manage alone.]

Here, let me do it.

[They won't push it if met with resistance but Hange reaches out, intending to use a hand to rest along his jawline for stability as the other reaches up to silently continue peeling away the gauze and bandages, choosing to focus on that rather than those feelings of uncertainty simmering within. Hadn't it been less than ten minutes since they'd been at each other's throats over something that now seemed so trivial?]

[ He may not have experienced it in real time, but he has a fairly good idea from the bits and pieces he's heard -- in the forest, when Hange was talking to themself, when everyone was fighting over making an alliance, then on the ship, when they were watching over him, and the few sparse conversations they had inbetween along with snippets from the others. He always knew they were strong, but that had to hurt like hell. ]

[ He wonders if having to kill their former comrades pursuing them was the beginning of Hange's suicide charge. ]

[ They bared their soul to him in that forest, and he only managed to really do the same during their last moments together. ]

...

[ Levi hasn't lived that future, but he thinks he has a pretty good idea about it by now. ]

[ He couldn't say he was never happy. That wouldn't be fair. To Gabi, to Falco, who did everything to make him feel less alone in the world while the rest of their squad moved on with their lives. To all of their fallen comrades who never got to experience the outside world. To Hange, and everyone else who died to make sure said world would continue existing. No, he'd feel it sometimes. Maybe fleeting, maybe one day he would smile again, at the brats' shenanigans or the evening sky or there being too many goddamn books in the house. ]

[ But some of those wounds would never fill, would they? There was just so much loss in his life, from his loved ones to eventually even his strength, though perhaps by then it would feel like the lifting of a curse. All those hearts he picked up ended up too heavy long before he could finally stop. On some level at least, he would always be... managing. ]

...

[ Hange's been quiet for a while now, and Levi is about to ask if they suddenly need to shit or something when they finally move. ]

You don't need to... [ He starts, but does nothing to stop their hand, wincing slightly as they pick up where he left off before deadpanning, ] I think that part's stuck on my eyebrow.

[ The adhesive isn't strong enough to actually rip all of it out, but it's definitely unpleasant tugging at it. ]

[ That fight really was kind of silly, wasn't it?.. ]

[If they were feeling more like themselves, Hange would tell Levi to suck it up and deal with it, telling him that it's better to rip it off and get it over with. Hairs grow back, eventually! Thankfully though his eyebrow hairs get to live another day, or most of them at least, as Hange is feeling... sentimental, or whatever the word for this is.]

[They take their time to peel away the adhesive, doing their best to press down on the eyebrow with a finger so that some of them detach or simply break in half as opposed to ripping all the hairs out from the root, though a loss of some is inevitable.]

...It doesn't look too bad, considering.

[Enough of the skin is becoming visible now that the scarring can be seen, a permanent reminder of his run-in with Zeke.]

Just be glad I can sew a face better than I can my clothes! Hah..

[It isn't really that funny at all, but it is true that they have absolutely massacred cloaks or socks in the past trying to patchwork the holes. Nothing can be done about it at this point, and it's not as though either of them were super invested in appearances, but hopefully he can accept the new additions that will now be on view...]

[ He wouldn't even kick a fuss about it. He's lost fingers, after all, some hair would hardly be worth a mention. But Hange chooses to be gentle with him anyway, and he's not sure how he's supposed to take it. ]

[ In the end, he just stands there quietly as they peel away the tape and gauze, exposing the rest of his face to the world. ]

[ He'd gotten used to the bandages by now, but the large scar looks alien on his face in the mirror. Absently, he lifts his good hand, brushing the tip of his index finger along it, feeling the little ridge that didn't use to be there. ]

[ He realizes Hange had been quiet since their attempt at a joke. ]

...It looks fine.

[ Surely they don't feel bad about saving his life? Because that's what it is. That's what it represents, as far as Levi is concerned. It's a permanent reminder that his friend wouldn't let him die. Anything Zeke related can fuck right off. ]

[ He pulls his hand away from his face, exhales, and finally tries to open his eye. He doesn't expect it to work, but he still feels a twang of something like disappointment as his his eyelashes part, revealing a clouded cornea, and his field of vision doesn't seem to change. ]

[ Maybe he'd let himself hope the people here who gave him back his leg, fragile as it was, would have done something with his eye as well. As if he wasn't incredibly lucky to even be alive to begin with. ]

[ He moves his hand in front of himself a few times just to confirm the obvious, then lets it drop to his side. ]

Figures. [ He says softly, then turns his face toward Hange, leveling them with a deadpan just in case they were still beating themself up over something that wasn't even their fault; ] Guess now we match.

[ It's not particularly funny either, but it's technically true too. ]

[There is no guilt over saving his life, it would be repeated a thousand times over if necessary, but there is sympathy attached to a very visible reminder of when everything went irreversibly wrong.]

[As the last of the bandages are removed Hange drops them on to a counter-top to dispose of later, observing as Levi flexes a hand before his face. They don't expect the damaged eye to work either, if there had been improvement then surely Levi would have mentioned it after one of those times when the dressings were reapplied, but Hange also understands more than anybody else the need to just try, to open it and look around, to enjoy a moment of foolish hope where you tell yourself that maybe, by some miracle, your eyesight will return to normal.]

[It won't, they both know it, but it's still worth it to try.]

My left, your right, we do make a matching set. Maybe we need to make standard issue eyepatches and include them as part of the scout's uniform.

[Another half-hearted joke, but after a moment of consideration Hange reaches up to remove their glasses, and then the eyepatch strapped around their head. After years of healing any damage to the eyelids or skin around the afflicted eye is rather minimal in comparison, though Hange chooses to keep it closed as they hold out the eyepatch.]

I prefer to keep it covered because it looks cool!

[Yep, totally the most valid reason! But also:]

...Although I can no longer see out of it, it isn't as if all the nerves stopped working. Sometimes bright light can bother it and give me a headache, so I usually keep it on. Plus like I said, I think it gives off some rather mysterious vibes! But maybe it won't be a problem for you.

[ He exhales a little louder than usual which passes for a sound of amusement. ]

...It's not the kind of injury you tend to get while fighting normal Titans.

[ People died more often than they lost something like an eye. Now limbs, limbs was a different matter; few of those who survived getting grabbed by a Titan tended to return without an arm or a leg or with broken bones. ]

[ He looks in a mixture of alarm, confusion and disbelief as Hange promptly offers him their eyepatch. He folds his arms and stares down at it for a moment. ]

"Mysterious"? You look like a sea robber.

[ Look, he's seen posters with pirates around the city and all, he totally knows what he's talking about. ]

[ Except, don't mind him, he'll totally be donning an eyepatch at least for missions when he realizes he's much more prone to poke himself in the eye with things now that it's uncovered and he's still blind in it. ]

[ For now, though, he just turns away to wash his face properly, entirely ignoring the generous offer. Ouch, that must sting, but it's nothing they're not used to. ]

The sea-robbers also look mysterious and interesting, though! I heard they live on boats, and sail wherever they want to. Apart from all the crime, what's not to like?

[Evidently Hange does not know pirates very well, but they looked cool on those picture box ads that play every now and again!]

[They hold the eyepatch out for a little while longer, still expecting Levi to take it and try it on, but that moment never comes and he turns to start washing his face instead so fine, whatever! Be eyepatch-less and uncool! Hange waits a few moments longer before putting it back over their own eye with a huff. Don't mind them, just hanging out and leaning against the wall watching as Levi continues to wash up.]

Uh-huh. They also shit overboard and never bathe.

[ No, actually, that would appeal to Hange wouldn't it? Just kidding. But still, they always need to water off those tense emotional moments with some rudeness, right? ]

[ At least, their presence means that he doesn't get stuck in a neurotic spiral of scrubbing this time; once he's content that his entire face is clean and there's no gunk left in the eyelashes on his injured side, he reaches out for a towel to dry off. ]

Have you ever cleaned that thing?

[ He's referring, of course, to the eyepatch, which isn't exactly a piece of clothing that gets laundered with the rest. See his point, Hange? If you want him to give it a try, better get him a new one. Maybe one that looks exactly the same, though, just to keep that idea of matching going. ]

Surely they take a dump in a bucket first and then throw that overboard. Seems unsafe, otherwise.. can you imagine being caught in a storm, and you're trying to squat off the side of the boat?

[Actually.. the imagery of that is pretty amusing to be honest. But of course Levi would get caught up on the cleanliness of the experience, and not the adventure!]

I clean it.

[The eyepatch gets adjusted into a better position, before the glasses are once again placed over it.]

I have a few spares that are the same colour, if you're wondering if I wear the same one every time. Do you want one of those?

Sure. [ HE INDEED CAN imagine that and his revenge for being forced to do so will be sharing it. ] You start pushing out a big one and the cold ocean spray hits your asshole right before the ship pitches, you slip on the shit and tumble backwards to your watery death.

[ You're welcome, Hange. Then again, they often seem more than happy to partake in his shitty (heh) humor, so maybe it will be a bonding experience instead. ]

[ It's definitely kind of amusing. He might have smirked for a fraction of second there, even, momentarily distracted from the... everything heavy they've been going through here a moment ago. He's still not interested in sea-robber life, though. (Just wait until he hears about the quests with payoff involved, though...) ]

[ At least he looks to be reasonably interested in the other offer. He's still not sure if he'll need it, but it probably doesn't hurt to have one just in case... ]

...Okay.

Sounds like a shitty way to go out. [haha, shitty. yeah the toilet humour hasn't scared Hange off before, it isn't about to start now.] Though don't you think it would be smart to have some rope attached to one of those big sail poles that you tie around yourself before you go about your business, for that very reason?

[That way when you tip overboard thanks to the oceans unwelcome greeting, you won't be left at sea! it seems obvious, really, but if people are making a career out of being sea-robbers they probably don't have that much brain power....]

I'll go get one now. [No time like the present!] I'll be right back, so don't go anywhere.

[Just incase you felt like wandering off on another week-long mission again..]

[ Okay, he... might let out a miniscule chuckle at that. Or maybe it's a huff, it's hard to tell, but he definitely appreciates the addition to his joke. ] Sure. If they're smart.

[ He doesn't have much faith in sea-robbers either, it seems. ]

[ Oh well. It looks like they're done with that topic, and that means it's back to their somber reality. Which... could be worse. Has been worse. At least they're both alive. That alone is better than anything he could have hoped for back home. ]

[ He raises an eyebrow slightly but then simply sits on the edge of the tub and folds his arms, as if saying fine. Whether or not they actually meant for him to not leave the bathroom, apparently that's how it's going right now. (You wander off on a week-long mission once, smh) ]

[ Though he might be absently picking at his scars again by the time they return. ]

Edited 2023-08-18 18:57 (UTC)

[Hange didn't mean for him to stay in that spot quite literally, but hey, if it works.]

[It's several minutes before they appear again, heading straight back to the bathroom and holding out a folded up eyepatch for Levi to take. It's identical to the one that Hange is wearing, but this one definitely doesn't look like it has been worn, or if it has then it has been cleaned well enough afterwards.]

There you go. If you want it.

[ He looks at it for a moment. Somehow, it feels like a milestone, even though nothing new has technically happened. Maybe it's something like finally accepting what happened to him and moving on? But there are so many things he can't ever "move on" from he's not sure it's really going to make much of a difference. ]

...thanks.

[ He takes it and puts it into the inner pocket of his jacket, safe and close for when he needs it, but surely that's not the case at home, right? Imagine the grime that would build up if you just had it on the entire time. ]

[After handing it over Hange leans back against the wall, just watching him fiddle with it for a moment. The injury isn't new, but at the same time there is a rather melancholy feel to it. When it was all bandaged up it sort of felt like it was still healing, that they would come off and then Levi would be Levi again without having to live life with the injuries.

Hange knows what a pain in the ass it is to be missing half your sight, but it's not like you can suddenly grow back eyes, or fingers. And now, it feels final, right?

They let out a sigh, still staring off into space while pondering the whole thing, until it begins to dawn on them that they're just sort of awkwardly standing here, in the bathroom, staring at Levi who is sitting there and not really saying much. His hair looks a little damp... did he shower already, or was he just washing his face before getting distracted byt he bandages? Hange doesn't know, they were too focused on eating peach in the kitchen to pay any attention to how long the faucet had been on.]

Ah.. I'm standing here daydreaming when you were trying to do stuff. You should've just kicked me out, you know! It's not like I'm here to watch you shower or anything!

[That was so weird. Hange why did you say that. Ok time to go for real now..]

...I'll be in the living room.

[ Now it feels final. And really, he knows how lucky he is to be alive, injuries or not. He'd bet all of their friends would rather have a debilitating injury than be dead. He feels ungrateful even thinking about it. And yet, it had always been an immovable aspect of his place in the Survey Corps; him being the strongest, the fastest, the combatant, the superweapon who could do the impossible. It had been who he was. ]

[ Now he's just some guy with a limp and scars and a mangled hand and probably-soon-to-be-graying-hair. He briefly wonders what Erwin would think of them -- of him if he saw him now, if he'd still trust him or maybe feel pity for him instead. ]

[ No, he'd probably be proud, that goddamn closet-sap. ]

...I already did that.

[ His voice sounds odd to his ears, almost as if it's coming from somewhere else, and he stands again, taking an uncertain step toward Hange, and it takes all of his self-control not to grip their sleeve to physically stop them in a gesture that's both uncharacteristically desperate and perfectly genuine. ]

Stay.

[ He doesn't want to be alone, not just yet. Maybe not ever. ]

[ It's... probably fine if they leave the bathroom, though. ]

[Erwin would be proud, wouldn't he?]

[Hange was about to hightail it out of there, until the request comes to stay. The single word is enough to have them halt on the spot, giving it a moment before they turn to face Levi once again, who has moved a step closer by now.]

['Stay? Why? To do what?' Questions that won't be asked because it simply doesn't matter. If Levi wants Hange to stay, they will stay, especially with such a melancholy look on his face..]

[Of course Hange took it to mean 'stay here by his side' so unless Levi makes a point to move elsewhere, it looks as though they are staying in the bathroom for now. Which is fine, but after several moments of prolonged silence it feels like it is going to get awkward if the two of them stay standing here and staring at each other.]

[A quick glance sideways, and Hange reaches over to pick up the comb sitting next to the sink before stepping closer and running it through Levi's damp hair. It short so it doesn't really need combing, but it's something to fill in the time.]

[ He would. As much as Levi is always inclined to question his own worth, the man had never said a mean word about him, not even once. He can't imagine that would change, no matter how much his subconscious wants to insist he's a failure. ]

[ He doesn't know how to express the billion emotions swirling in him at the moment. He just knows that if Hange leaves right now, the everything will hurt worse. ]

[ So he just stands there awkwardly until they decide to make him more presentable, apparently. His part could probably use some minor adjustments, being all tousled from the shower, but otherwise his hair doesn't exactly require much maintenance. ]

[ His eyes dart downward, maybe a little embarrassed by what he can only describe as fussing over him, but he makes no motion to stop it. ]

[Under lighter circumstances Hange may have taken this opportunity to mess with his hair a little, change the parting and try out a new style or something like that, but the mood isn't right for it so they simple keep to his usual style, evening out the parting and combing through the strands to make sure it's free of any knots.]

There. You look cool!

[Even though if Levi were to look in the mirror he'd see that he looks exactly the same as he normally does... spoiler, Levi, you always look cool.]

[The comb is set aside and once again there are a couple seconds of silence... its common to see Levi annoyed, or pissed off, or sarcastic, but it isn't often that they have had to deal with him looking genuinely kind of sad...]

[Hange decides to step forward and pull him into a light hug, one he could easily wriggle out of if he wanted to.]

It's the easiest way to replenish that magical energy you know, after being away from everyone for so many days.

[Yes, the hug simply has a practical use. It has nothing to do with their best friend looking so gloomy and wanting to cheer him up, and wanting to deal with that ache it creates in Hange's chest..]

[ It's probably one of the least cool possible haircuts in this day and age (though of course he doesn't think so... well, seems neither of them do). Unfortunately, he's a little too distraught to catch onto that implication of always looking cool... or maybe he wouldn't normally, either. Sometimes he can be dense about certain things. ]

[ And then he gets a hug, and he tenses a little as always because it's not really something he likes or does but at the same time it feels cathartic, and warm, and he doesn't have it in him to try to get out of it. ]

[ He wonders if Hange can see through his pain the same way they seem to see through his awkward ramblings. ]

[ He hesitates for a moment, then slowly raises his hands, until they're resting lightly, almost carefully on Hange's back in return. ]

[Whether he simply accepted it or decided to go along with the little excuse, Hange is glad that Levi doesn't decide to push away. Maybe it was the argument in the kitchen, maybe it's finally unwrapping the facial injuries and having to face the memories associated with it, but Hange has become an expert on picking up Levi's little cues over the many years, and they can tell when something's eating away at him.]

[And perhaps it's something eating away at Hange too, half an hour ago they were ready to throttle him all due to some stupid mission, and it really does not seem like a big deal now. They used to seperate for missions all the time and end up who-knows-where!]

[Hange lets out a soft sigh, resting their chin upon Levi's shoulder for a moment and just letting the hug do it's thing. It's warm, it's comforting, a nice reminder that everything truly isn't as bad as it seemed earlier on in the day.]

[But all good things must come to an end, Hange being the first one to stand up straight once more and let go, else they may be tempted to simply stay here and catch Levi in a never-ending bathroom hug....]

Sorry I yelled more than I should have, earlier. And I turned the roomba off.

[Does he... does he know about that yet..]

[ It may not be the first time he's ever returned a hug -- perhaps that was sometime after Shiganshina, right? -- but it's a good indication of just how overwhelmed he must feel with everything at the moment. It's just all so much. ]

[ And so he stays there, gingerly holding them back, his cheek rested against their shoulder in return. They could probably really stay like that forever, or at least way too long to be appropriate for a time spent in the bathroom, and he's not sure if he's feeling much better but at least some energy seems to be returning. ]

[ It's actually a surprise when Hange moves away first, but he doesn't cling on, allowing them to slip easily from his hands. Is something the matter -- ]

[ Ah. There it is. ]

...huh? [ At first, he doesn't understand why this is apparently a big enough deal to make them deprive themselves of more hugging. What's so bad about it? Surely they're talking about the same time they had their argument? ]

[ But no. ]

[ He saw the state of his floors when he came in, and while he had simply assumed it was Eren expressing his rebellious streak, it seems the truth is far more nefarious. His ~~roomba face~~ soft expression hardens into a steely deadpan. ] When?

[Yeah.. yeah, that was exactly the expression that Hange was expecting. With how much Levi likes things to stay clean, especially his home, Hange really had hit him where it hurts. Most terrifying scout member when angry, indeed...]

[..Which is funny to think of, because there's something of a role reversal going on right now. The reason for breaking the hug should seem obvious- it keeps Hange out of immediate kicking distance. Maybe they'll take one more step backwards, for good measure..]

...After my messages finally got through to you a few days ago? To be fair, I was really annoyed at you!

[Once they found out he wasn't dead, he was just away, it became an act for Hange's petty revenge.]

But don't worry! Now that you're back, I'll turn it back on!

[closed] levi, no: vol.1 (bad at communication)

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i didnt mean to make a tag about removing tape into sad but here we are :')

too bad, i cryed,,

we cry together

;;

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i'm so sorry

rude boi

only the rudest

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i guess that's a wrap... four months later,,

yes... /wrap...