Levi "rudeboi" Ackerman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wingbound) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
seasonsrpg2024-06-22 12:20 am
wingbound) wrote in seasonsrpg2024-06-22 12:20 am
remember the day of grief
WHO: Levi & various!
WHAT: Hange is gone from Ellipsa. Levi is feeling about it. Feel free to encounter him!
WHEN: June 6/7th and a few days after
WHERE: Solarpeak beach (late day), restaurant/bar in Solarpeak (early evening), Coldreach observatory (late evening), starter apartments building (few days later)
WARNINGS: sads :( also blanket AoT warnings (child soldiers, trauma no therapy, so much death, etc)
::
--1. Sun Sinks Into The Sea - open to anyone.
The thought has always been at the back of his mind. Never take good things for granted; everything can turn to shit in a moment. He'd hoped that they would have more time, though. At the very least, he had hoped that Hange would have more time, live the whole life they deserved to have here. But as always, even the most benevolent looking world has shittiness in it, and his heart sinks like a stone when the realization sinks in.
They're gone.
Somehow, it's almost worse a second time. Back home, cruelty was expected. People died, leaving nothing but memories and sometimes a mangled keepsake behind. But then they were here, and they'd been given hope. Death suddenly wasn't the end. They had another chance.
And now that too was ripped away.
Most of the day passes like in a trance. He stares at the message for what feels like hours, bitches out Olwen and demands Helene names the lake they'd found after Hange (which is approved). But the venting doesn't make him feel particularly better, though he's glad at least now more people will be able to remember their name. It's bittersweet, though. It doesn't bring them back.
He can only hope that Eren's theory is true. Jean and Mikasa did apparently visit other places like this before. Maybe Hange went to a different world rather than death back home.
But he can't know for sure. He might never know.
He goes about his morning tasks mechanically. He holds Erwin, suddenly anxious that he may too disappear as soon as Levi looks away. He cleans all three apartments until his knuckles bleed. He needs to keep moving or it just becomes too much.
Eventually he finds himself retracing the steps they took together, and so he finds himself at the beach of the Great Ocean Lake, crouching just out of the reach of the waves lapping at the shore, staring out into the horizon. A cane rests next to him.
He remembers the day they were all here, him, Hange and the kids, at something called a beach party. Hange had made a whole mess of themself, trying to scoop various sea creatures into a colourful plastic bucket, ignoring Levi's warnings. They'd ended up stung by poison noodles and Levi rushed them to a hospital in a panic with Eren's help. They hadn't learned anything, of course; at least not once the doctor assured there was no real danger.
He looks at the familiar rocks, forming a sort of natural bridge some meters deeper into the water. He can almost see Hange, pants rolled up, tip-toeing like a giant stork in the water, shoving disgusting sea creatures in his face, taking pictures. Slowly, he stands up and heads toward the rocks, jumping from stone to stone with some minor difficulty until he reaches the end of the rocky pier. He picks up a pebble and throws it into the ocean.
He thinks about the words they had spoken to each other the day they convinced him to oversee one of their experiments with Eren and after. As long as I have a say...
"You promised," he whispers under his breath. The ocean breeze stings in his eyes. He picks up another small stone, stands still like a statue for a moment, then lets out a growl of frustration and chucks it so hard it bounces off the water enough times that it's too far to be seen by the time it finally sinks under the surface.
--2. Sorrow In A Glass - open to anyone.
After finally leaving the beach his feet take him to a restaurant nearby where the Scouts had held a meeting of sorts shortly after his arrival. Hange had been excited about the bar, and against his better judgement, Levi sits down and orders the same monstrosity of a drink they had been sipping on back then.
Alcohol doesn't really affect him -- at least this amount isn't going to -- but he supposes it works on normal people. He's usually only seen it make them stupid, Commander Pixis being a notable exception to that rule, but there had to be a reason why they still did it, right? Maybe it made things hurt less. Wouldn't that be nice? He'd almost decided to test that theory, with Olwen tipping him off about Riki's potion, unfortunately the shop was apparently closed for renovating. Maybe he'd do that later. For now, he can still try to feel closer to Hange by taking part in something he knows they enjoyed.
It's probably poison anyway, so if he drinks a couple of them, maybe even he would feel it, right?
You can find him still sitting at the bar an hour later, elbows leaned on the counter, slowly sipping on a rainbow-colored cocktail that seems to go against just about everything from his style (all black today) to demeanor (surly and distant). There are several empty glasses of the same sort on the side by then, but there's not even a flush on his face; just a resigned deadness in his eyes... or maybe that's just his normal expression.
There's a cane leaned against the bar next to him. He's not sure how those things are related -- if they are at all -- but his leg had been hurting worse ever since he returned home from the chat with the city leaders. Maybe he overdid it scrubbing the floors; he had avoided that task for a reason, but now that Eren had moved out and Levi technically felt better he found little excuse not to do it himself. Maybe it's just one of those days. Maybe it's because he's not crying into his drink, and the outside has to match the inside in some way, he thinks bitterly, and sucks down more sickeningly sweet liquid. At least he's alive to feel that pain.
Hange isn't, unless they somehow lucked their way into another place like this. And what are the chances of that?
--3. Always Find Me Among The Stars - open to anyone.
When the shitty booze doesn't make this utter bullshit of a development make any more sense -- why now, why them, why was nobody able to do anything about sending people back to fucking die even though it has been months since the research started -- he heads for the final place that does. He often comes to the observatory -- to think, to reminisce, to simply stare up at the stars because he now could, after spending twenty six years in the dark of a cave. He'd been there to grieve and he'd been there to celebrate, too.
Stars make everything a little easier to bear, always have.
He leans against the railing of the observation deck, eyes on the sky, and blinks a few times to chase away the pain. Absently, he lifts his uneven hand to run his fingertips along the scar on the right side of his face. He has pictures now, at least, and he can probably loot Hange's bolo tie from their apartment, but even if he loses every material thing, he will always have this, a proof of them saving his life.
A proof that they had lived.
His knee starts aching again, and he drags himself over to the area with some chairs and beanbags, carefully settling into one before tilting his head back to stare at the hundreds of little lights again.
I hope you're still out there. You deserved more time.
--4. Picking Up The Pieces
a) (And Pieces, And Pieces) - close CR only!
The next couple of days remind him of the days after Shiganshina. Doing what is necessary, even if you'd rather be doing anything else. He wants to look through Hange's belongings -- if any of them are even still there, he's not sure if it's magic or some kind of secret service cleaning spaces out when someone disappears like this. He does manage to get his hands on some of their scientific notes and supplies and hand them over to Helene to copy, at least (she will let him have the originals back, and he will put the boxes in Hange's room in their new house, because of course they will have a room left for them). Maybe he finds the bolo tie he'd been looking; if not, he could always wish for it through the dandelion.
He can't make himself throw out what he thought to be junk last time he tried to clean the apartment up, with Hange still there. Now they're not, and the boxes still are. It doesn't feel real; just like it hadn't felt real to clear out Erwin's drawers back home. He'd never had to empty the office after that; after all, he never made it back to Paradis after Hange died.
Still, the mess is familiar, and he lingers, thinking of all the times they shared tea -- and sometimes other things -- at the tiny table and on the couch, of all the times Levi ended up nodding off despite having no intention to do so, of the jokes and banter and fights and their warmth.
When he comes back a day or two later, though, it's empty. The key doesn't work anymore either; he has to pick the lock to get in. The furniture the apartment came with is still there, of course, but there's no Hange; he didn't find their weird plant cat, either.
And just like that, the weight finally comes crashing down on him.
Maybe you had followed him, or just spotted the familiar door cracked open and peeked in, but the sight you find is the same; Levi quietly curled up on the right side of a nondescript couch in formerly-Hange's apartment, clutching an empty nondescript mug in his hands.
b) Out Of Sorts - open to anyone who happens to be in the starter building!
A few days later, you might be visiting to check on someone, or simply heading back to your own apartment when something odd catches your attention. A small-badger-sized but pissed off looking furry black animal scurries out of what you may or may not know as Levi and Eren's old apartment and makes a beeline toward either Hange's or Erwin's door, though if you or someone carelessly left their open, it might just dip in there instead.
Regardless, the tiny wolverine goes immediately to the nearest available pillow or cushion, drags it out into the middle of the hallway and murders it in a display of uncontained rage, somewhere between an overexcited puppy with a shoe and a cat breaking the neck of a bird. Then it seems to make actual eye contact with you and growls. It's not clear what the source of its irritation is, but apparently it might not be you.
...Is it wearing a cravat?
--5. Wildcard
(( If you'd like to pester him somewhere else or in a different way, hit me up on disco or![[plurk.com profile]](https://plurk.com/favicon.ico)
jigglyballs and we can hash something out! ))
WHAT: Hange is gone from Ellipsa. Levi is feeling about it. Feel free to encounter him!
WHEN: June 6/7th and a few days after
WHERE: Solarpeak beach (late day), restaurant/bar in Solarpeak (early evening), Coldreach observatory (late evening), starter apartments building (few days later)
WARNINGS: sads :( also blanket AoT warnings (child soldiers, trauma no therapy, so much death, etc)
::
--1. Sun Sinks Into The Sea - open to anyone.
The thought has always been at the back of his mind. Never take good things for granted; everything can turn to shit in a moment. He'd hoped that they would have more time, though. At the very least, he had hoped that Hange would have more time, live the whole life they deserved to have here. But as always, even the most benevolent looking world has shittiness in it, and his heart sinks like a stone when the realization sinks in.
They're gone.
Somehow, it's almost worse a second time. Back home, cruelty was expected. People died, leaving nothing but memories and sometimes a mangled keepsake behind. But then they were here, and they'd been given hope. Death suddenly wasn't the end. They had another chance.
And now that too was ripped away.
Most of the day passes like in a trance. He stares at the message for what feels like hours, bitches out Olwen and demands Helene names the lake they'd found after Hange (which is approved). But the venting doesn't make him feel particularly better, though he's glad at least now more people will be able to remember their name. It's bittersweet, though. It doesn't bring them back.
He can only hope that Eren's theory is true. Jean and Mikasa did apparently visit other places like this before. Maybe Hange went to a different world rather than death back home.
But he can't know for sure. He might never know.
He goes about his morning tasks mechanically. He holds Erwin, suddenly anxious that he may too disappear as soon as Levi looks away. He cleans all three apartments until his knuckles bleed. He needs to keep moving or it just becomes too much.
Eventually he finds himself retracing the steps they took together, and so he finds himself at the beach of the Great Ocean Lake, crouching just out of the reach of the waves lapping at the shore, staring out into the horizon. A cane rests next to him.
He remembers the day they were all here, him, Hange and the kids, at something called a beach party. Hange had made a whole mess of themself, trying to scoop various sea creatures into a colourful plastic bucket, ignoring Levi's warnings. They'd ended up stung by poison noodles and Levi rushed them to a hospital in a panic with Eren's help. They hadn't learned anything, of course; at least not once the doctor assured there was no real danger.
He looks at the familiar rocks, forming a sort of natural bridge some meters deeper into the water. He can almost see Hange, pants rolled up, tip-toeing like a giant stork in the water, shoving disgusting sea creatures in his face, taking pictures. Slowly, he stands up and heads toward the rocks, jumping from stone to stone with some minor difficulty until he reaches the end of the rocky pier. He picks up a pebble and throws it into the ocean.
He thinks about the words they had spoken to each other the day they convinced him to oversee one of their experiments with Eren and after. As long as I have a say...
"You promised," he whispers under his breath. The ocean breeze stings in his eyes. He picks up another small stone, stands still like a statue for a moment, then lets out a growl of frustration and chucks it so hard it bounces off the water enough times that it's too far to be seen by the time it finally sinks under the surface.
--2. Sorrow In A Glass - open to anyone.
After finally leaving the beach his feet take him to a restaurant nearby where the Scouts had held a meeting of sorts shortly after his arrival. Hange had been excited about the bar, and against his better judgement, Levi sits down and orders the same monstrosity of a drink they had been sipping on back then.
Alcohol doesn't really affect him -- at least this amount isn't going to -- but he supposes it works on normal people. He's usually only seen it make them stupid, Commander Pixis being a notable exception to that rule, but there had to be a reason why they still did it, right? Maybe it made things hurt less. Wouldn't that be nice? He'd almost decided to test that theory, with Olwen tipping him off about Riki's potion, unfortunately the shop was apparently closed for renovating. Maybe he'd do that later. For now, he can still try to feel closer to Hange by taking part in something he knows they enjoyed.
It's probably poison anyway, so if he drinks a couple of them, maybe even he would feel it, right?
You can find him still sitting at the bar an hour later, elbows leaned on the counter, slowly sipping on a rainbow-colored cocktail that seems to go against just about everything from his style (all black today) to demeanor (surly and distant). There are several empty glasses of the same sort on the side by then, but there's not even a flush on his face; just a resigned deadness in his eyes... or maybe that's just his normal expression.
There's a cane leaned against the bar next to him. He's not sure how those things are related -- if they are at all -- but his leg had been hurting worse ever since he returned home from the chat with the city leaders. Maybe he overdid it scrubbing the floors; he had avoided that task for a reason, but now that Eren had moved out and Levi technically felt better he found little excuse not to do it himself. Maybe it's just one of those days. Maybe it's because he's not crying into his drink, and the outside has to match the inside in some way, he thinks bitterly, and sucks down more sickeningly sweet liquid. At least he's alive to feel that pain.
Hange isn't, unless they somehow lucked their way into another place like this. And what are the chances of that?
--3. Always Find Me Among The Stars - open to anyone.
When the shitty booze doesn't make this utter bullshit of a development make any more sense -- why now, why them, why was nobody able to do anything about sending people back to fucking die even though it has been months since the research started -- he heads for the final place that does. He often comes to the observatory -- to think, to reminisce, to simply stare up at the stars because he now could, after spending twenty six years in the dark of a cave. He'd been there to grieve and he'd been there to celebrate, too.
Stars make everything a little easier to bear, always have.
He leans against the railing of the observation deck, eyes on the sky, and blinks a few times to chase away the pain. Absently, he lifts his uneven hand to run his fingertips along the scar on the right side of his face. He has pictures now, at least, and he can probably loot Hange's bolo tie from their apartment, but even if he loses every material thing, he will always have this, a proof of them saving his life.
A proof that they had lived.
His knee starts aching again, and he drags himself over to the area with some chairs and beanbags, carefully settling into one before tilting his head back to stare at the hundreds of little lights again.
I hope you're still out there. You deserved more time.
--4. Picking Up The Pieces
a) (And Pieces, And Pieces) - close CR only!
The next couple of days remind him of the days after Shiganshina. Doing what is necessary, even if you'd rather be doing anything else. He wants to look through Hange's belongings -- if any of them are even still there, he's not sure if it's magic or some kind of secret service cleaning spaces out when someone disappears like this. He does manage to get his hands on some of their scientific notes and supplies and hand them over to Helene to copy, at least (she will let him have the originals back, and he will put the boxes in Hange's room in their new house, because of course they will have a room left for them). Maybe he finds the bolo tie he'd been looking; if not, he could always wish for it through the dandelion.
He can't make himself throw out what he thought to be junk last time he tried to clean the apartment up, with Hange still there. Now they're not, and the boxes still are. It doesn't feel real; just like it hadn't felt real to clear out Erwin's drawers back home. He'd never had to empty the office after that; after all, he never made it back to Paradis after Hange died.
Still, the mess is familiar, and he lingers, thinking of all the times they shared tea -- and sometimes other things -- at the tiny table and on the couch, of all the times Levi ended up nodding off despite having no intention to do so, of the jokes and banter and fights and their warmth.
When he comes back a day or two later, though, it's empty. The key doesn't work anymore either; he has to pick the lock to get in. The furniture the apartment came with is still there, of course, but there's no Hange; he didn't find their weird plant cat, either.
And just like that, the weight finally comes crashing down on him.
Maybe you had followed him, or just spotted the familiar door cracked open and peeked in, but the sight you find is the same; Levi quietly curled up on the right side of a nondescript couch in formerly-Hange's apartment, clutching an empty nondescript mug in his hands.
b) Out Of Sorts - open to anyone who happens to be in the starter building!
A few days later, you might be visiting to check on someone, or simply heading back to your own apartment when something odd catches your attention. A small-badger-sized but pissed off looking furry black animal scurries out of what you may or may not know as Levi and Eren's old apartment and makes a beeline toward either Hange's or Erwin's door, though if you or someone carelessly left their open, it might just dip in there instead.
Regardless, the tiny wolverine goes immediately to the nearest available pillow or cushion, drags it out into the middle of the hallway and murders it in a display of uncontained rage, somewhere between an overexcited puppy with a shoe and a cat breaking the neck of a bird. Then it seems to make actual eye contact with you and growls. It's not clear what the source of its irritation is, but apparently it might not be you.
...Is it wearing a cravat?
--5. Wildcard
(( If you'd like to pester him somewhere else or in a different way, hit me up on disco or
no subject
Levi is as used to losing people as he can get, and yet, he never got desensitized to it. Never closed his heart. He loves and he grieves so strongly, even if he doesn't usually show it outwardly, trained in the harsh Underground where one cannot show any signs of perceived vulnerability to anyone who may try to use it. He has lost people again and again and again, and it hurts every time, and he goes out and makes new bonds anyway, because to him, that is what life is. That is how he gives meaning to those who came before.
There's a silence, before he nudges one of his yet untouched drink glasses an inch or two toward Evangeline.
"Want to try it? First thing they ordered in this place." He stares at his own for a moment, closes his eyes with a slight grimace, takes a sip, then stares forward. "This shit is too damn sweet."
no subject
They're both super into monsters, albeit in different ways. She can't exactly judge.
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"They always said sugar helps their brain work," he mumbles, a trace of fondness in his otherwise flat tone. "But I think this just looked too colorful and bright to pass up."
It was quite different from most things available in their world after all, and Hange was always about testing and trying out new things, their thirst for knowledge and joy of discovery seemingly endless.
no subject
Sometimes she's wrong! But most of the time, things in Ellipsa really are as harmless as they seem.
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a jellyfishpoison noodles.He agrees overall, though. Ellipsa really is good for things like that.
no subject
She knows Ellipsa is different from the City, but her instinctual thought processes are mostly unaltered.
no subject
He certainly knows plenty about that. The way he's lived for over twenty years has shaped his thinking so much even after a decade away from it and now over a year in Ellipsa, it hasn't really changed. He's still always on high alert, still expecting shit to hit the fan at any moment, even if he's less able to fight now than he used to be.
...probably still stands a better chance than a lot of people here, though.
"I don't think you can," he grumbles finally, feeling the urge to express his familiarity with the sentiment but unsure how to find the words. "But that's not a bad thing." Especially if it keeps one alive.
no subject
Though, speaking of...
"A couple people have offered to - if I go back home, to try to come find me and take me to their world instead. Has anyone done that for you? I never really know how to respond to that, like 'thanks but I can't get my hopes up'?"
no subject
As much as he'd rather not think about that, she is of course right -- and frankly, he's found plenty of use for it here, especially out on missions. This world was still being threatened by a great danger, even if it wasn't as tangible as his own.
"You could say sure and leave it at that until it happens or not." There's no need to outright throw away the possibility, but it's also not a good idea to come to expect it. As far as they know, it might not even be possible.
"No, I haven't gotten that. I probably wouldn't take it anyway."
He doesn't hate his world as much as he hates the fact his friends (and even some of his kids) are dead in it. If he had to go to a new world on his lonesome, he might as well go back home and help salvage what's left of the world. He wants to stay in Ellipsa because his people are here, first and foremost.
no subject
"Do you still have... things you need to do, I guess is the right way to put it? At home."
no subject
He takes a longer sip from his glass and then rests his chin on a hand, looking up at the ceiling as if in thought. Does he?..
"Not exactly," he mutters, frowning. "I'm in a worse shape there. Not much I can do. But..." He plucks a straw from a paper packaging and stirs the rest of his rainbow-layered drink into a vaguely purple sludge.
He can still make small efforts to rebuild, sure -- nothing that anybody else can't do in his stead, though. He'll never be the irreplaceable force of nature he used to be again, even if he manages to eventually get out of that wheelchair.
"I want to stay here -- any place like this -- because of the people I got back. If I can't have them... might as well stick to a place I belong. Do whatever little I can to make it better. Does that make sense?"
no subject
But that brings up something she's not sure she wants to express... But on the other hand, it feels dishonest not to say it.
"...I get jealous of you guys sometimes, that so many people you know have been brought here. I know it's not anything anyone has control over..."
no subject
He can understand the feeling. He would probably bristle if he found out someone else here had their loved ones around and he didn't, but he'd been lucky enough to arrive with several of his people already here. Speaking of which...
"...I wonder if this place is drawn to familiarity, somehow."
It did seem that once there were two or three people from the same world, others were more likely to show up. Of course, he has no evidence to such a theory.
no subject
But if that's the case, why them and not her? Why not anyone she knows, who deserves to be rescued from their world as much as she does? She doesn't have any answers to this.
"I don't know if I want to get my hopes up that we might figure out how it works and how to manipulate it someday."
no subject
"They say they're working on it," he says, his flat tone making it hard to tell whether he doesn't believe it or if he's simply being himself. "I got some errands from Helene to help it along, but there's nothing to show for it that I know of."
no subject
Whether anything comes of it is another story, but she does genuinely believe they're doing their best to respond to people's wishes.
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He says it as casually as if he were talking about weather and downs the rest of his glass.
no subject
She knows exactly how good Levi is at cursing people out, that would have been incredibly cathartic to watch.
no subject
"Heh. Maybe next time."
Because he doubts he's done showing up to berate the guild leaders just yet. Will probably do it any time one of them disappears or shows up temporarily only to be gone again, like with the Metaverse. He hopes he won't have to see anyone disappear again soon, but he knows better than to expect things will go the way he wants them to.
no subject
It's easier to speak lightly of it - to not think too hard about the loss that would precede them reaming the guild leaders. She knows it'll happen eventually, but she doesn't want to grieve in advance.
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"Sounds good to me."
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"I'll work on my vulgarities in the meantime. Gotta make sure I can keep up with you and all."
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"I've got it covered. But I appreciate any help."
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She wants to participate in the verbal abuse!
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Not that he knows the current level of her swearing abilities! But she did say she needs to work on them, so he's just playing along, really.
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fin-