seasonsrpg | [Open Log] Faith alone can't get me where I need to go

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[Open Log] Faith alone can't get me where I need to go

WHO: Jean Kirstein & you
WHAT: Jean's training arc continues, with new skills, old skills and slightly overworking
WHEN: December
WHERE: Specified in the prompts
WARNINGS: will add as needed

A. New Skill Unlocked
[Dayrise, Grand Coliseum] [Warning for Elastic/Extending Limbs]

At first, Jean had only been able to make his fingers longer. It had felt really weird, so he hadn't tried it again for the moment. But with time he got used to the feeling and kept practicing.

So now someone may walk into the coliseum and see Jean with a three times longer right arm, grabbing onto something in the distance. He was still testing how well he could use his fingers when they were so far away from him. Not very well, especially when it was hard to see what he was grabbing.

Another problem was when the arm returned to its regular size, it... kinda came back with a force and ended up slapping Jean in the face. All part of the learning curve. But also very frustrating.

"GAH!"

B. Fire Control
[Dayrise, Grand Coliseum]

Practicing fire was something Jean was more accustomed to, but he was still struggling a little bit with a certain fire skill. So instead of going around throwing fire punches or kicks in the air or forming fire weapons, he's focusing on his breathing.

A tiny ember formed with a short breath. Then a deeper breath and a longer trail of fire, going through the air where he wanted it to go, not catching anything else on fire. Everything was going like he hoped. He could do controlled fire.

Then he took a deep, deep breath and put all his strength into blowing out fire. The goal was that it would just travel through the air, harmless. Just like the other two had.

It went straight to the ground and started burning sand all over instead. It definitely didn't go where Jean intended it to go, so that was still a work in process.

"Fuck."

C. Training, training
[Dayrise, Grand Coliseum]

Does it ever feel like anytime you run into Jean, he has a different weapon? It probably does feel like it, since he has so many different weapons he was trying to master the use of. A sword that he was already pretty good at, a polearm that he was still studying but getting better all the time, and most recently a chain whip that he was really new at.

If he doesn't have a weapon in hand, he's practicing hand-to-hand combat in different kind of forms he's learned from various people or doing simple parkour around some obstacles in Dayrise.

Yeah, it's more common to see him training than not. Recently, he's even gotten more fuel to his training fire, thanks to new arrivals that he very much wanted to keep safe and sound.

D. Exhaustion catching up
[Solarpeak, Dayrise, Blossomcrown]

Of course, when you train too much, eventually you run out of energy, which means Jean is often taking a nap in a little unexpected places. He may be napping at the Solarpeak beach, or maybe he's crashed in the middle of the Grand Coliseum in Dayrise. It's also entirely possible to see him almost falling asleep at some bench in the Blossomcrown Park when he's supposed to be watching one of his and Mikasa's three dogs (a white husky named Snow, a German Shepherd named Hazel and a Pegasus Puppy Akita Inu named Maru).

Yeah, he might be overdoing it, just a little bit.

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[Hijikata hasn't seen Jean ever since the incident with the possessed amulet. Of course he checked on him in the aftermath, but Jean wasn't home when he visited, didn't answer his calls, and only gave him the most bare-bones reassurances that he was OK in response to his text messages. Between Hijikata's police work and the quests he embarked on, it's only now, about a month after the incident, that he happens to run into him at the summer guild's training grounds.

Part of him immediately wonders if Jean has been training here to avoid him, knowing that Hijikata usually trains at the Grand Collosseum, but he dismisses that thought right away. Don't be paranoid now. He probably just needed some time to himself in general. He puts on a smile as he approaches his sworn brother.]

Long time no see. Do you want to give that chain whip another shot?

[The first time they practised with it, right after Jean pulled it out of his chest for the first time, it was a pretty chaotic spar. If not for his Aura, Hijikata would have ended up with some nasty gashes, but he considers it all the more important to help Jean get good at using it. It can do a lot of damage!]

[Jean was avoiding Hijikata, but being at the summer guild training ground wasn't part of it. He just felt like a change of scenery was nice.

Still, it makes Jean a little nervous to see his sworn brother again under normal circumstances. He glances away nervously, but doesn't immediately come up with an excuse like 'actually, I was already done training'. He's holding a polearm to his side, the weapon of choice for today's practice.]

If you don't mind waiting for a bit. I need to take a break.

[To put the polearm away, drink some water. But also...]

We.... probably need to talk, anyway.

[It's awkward, but at least he's done avoiding it. It's been a month. He's had time to do that for a good while now.]

[Hijikata accompanies Jean to the break area, not changing his unusually mellow attitude. More than anything else, he's happy to see Jean again after a long time, and for him to not be evasive anymore.]

Talk? About what? If you mean your little possession stunt, that's water under the bridge. I thought you knew that. Reiner explained what happened.

[It all checked out: The amulet was cursed and made Jean act the way he did. Sure, his words under possession still shook Hijikata and Mukuro up, but as far as Hijikata is concerned, he himself can handle that on his own. Jean did die on his watch, and he does feel that he could have prevented it if only he'd been more careful. Everything else - the anger, the grudge, the vengeance - wasn't really Jean.]

[Jean puts the polearm down, taking a water bottle instead. He listens to Hijikata, but can't find himself agreeing.]

It's not that simple for me. I tried to kill you and even turn you into cinders... if Reiner hadn't been there, who knows what else I would have tried.

[He hasn't made a move to drink the water. He's just holding the bottle tightly.]

Along with everything the ghost said. I didn't mean them, but they still came from me. Said with my voice.

[He still didn't blame either of them. But somehow the ghost still could use it as fuel. Even after all these months after the incident.]

You know you can't burn me, right? And it's not like Mukuro's a pushover either. We'd have taken you down and gotten that thing off you even without Reiner.

[He says it confidently, but Reiner was a huge help - his early warning allowed Hijikata (and Mukuro too, by observing his rection) to brace for something happening, and if he hadn't taken Jean down so fast and decisively, there might well have been injuries at least.]

Okita back home tries to kill me every day, so it's not like I'm not used to that, either.

[He definitely bitched about his sadist workmate to Jean and Mukuro before - the 18 year old envies Hijikata's Vice-Commander position and stops short at nothing, subjecting his surperior to anything from bazooka rockets over poisoned mayonnaise to straight-up occult curses on a daily basis (~~What is it with Jean's sworn sibling both having someone close to them constantly attempting casual murder?!~~.]

As for what the ghost said, yeah, it felt shitty to hear, but Jean, I know what you said back when it happened. I know that you were honest back then, that you weren't holding any hidden resentment. I never doubted that.

[Hijikata's right that they probably could have prevented him from doing any actual damage. But just the fact that they had to bothers him a lot. Just for picking up an artifact.

But having Hijikata's point of view is at least helping. Jean seems to relax, at least a little, as he talks.]

I'm still sorry it happened, and... I just hope Mukuro's alright.

[Considering her history with despair and a bad sibling. Both reasons it has taken so long to talk to her about it. Not that she had wanted to bring it up, either.

Jean should talk to her when he could.

He decides to try and lift the mood, at least a little.]

If you can avoid it, don't get body slammed by Reiner. I felt it for a while after.

[Hijikata snorts. Reiner slamming Jean to the ground did look like it knocked the wind out of him, and he'd hate to end up in the same position (for more reasons than one, because somehow Reiner really brings out his ~~authority kink~~ need to assert dominance simply by existing in his vicinity, even with them being on more decent terms these days).]

I'll do my damndest!

[He turns more solemn as he thinks about Mukuro, though. He made sure she was alright immediately after the incident, but... well, isn't she only ever a given measure of 'alright'? There's not only her complicated relationship with Junko that she still grapples with, but also the lasting ripple effect of his own argument with her almost half a year ago, despite his best efforts to mend the damage. It was only the other month that she threw herself into mortal danger to protect him from a ghoulpie, without any regard for her own survival.]

...

Mukuro's alright in terms of having understood what happened to you. It's just... I'm never completely sure if she doesn't convince herself that she somehow deserved it.

[Now he's said it. He's frankly been concerned about Mukuro ever since Jean's harrowing death at Wolf's Blood Mountain - and he really should have been concerned ever since his argument with her, which happened not long beforehand -, but he's found it hard to express his concerns to Jean. Do I feel guilty for having contributed to her state of mind? Or do I just not want Jean to worry his head off too?]

[Maybe Hijikata should get body slammed to get the authority kink out of his system. Just saying.

Any smile he had fades, talking about Mukuro. To be honest, Jean's been worried about her ever since they came back from the mountain. She had seemed to improve over time, but there was still something about her that made him worry.

Which makes him feel even worse about not talking to her sooner.]

She most likely still blames herself for it. Just like you do. Just like I do. Even if it wasn't really anyone's fault.

[There's an actual worry that he might break the water bottle at this rate.]

But with her history... she must be taking it really hard, still. And I've been an idiot who's ignored her for almost a month now.

[Hijikata finally notices the bottle about to be crushed in Jean's hand, and he opens his own hand in a silent ask for Jean to hand it over for the moment (or to at least notice what he's doing and stop).]

Don't beat yourself up over it. It's hard for us to understand how she feels.

[After all, neither of them has been in a co-dependent, emotionally sadomasochistic relationship with their blood sibling before.]

...

I did the same thing to her earlier this year. I had no idea that she was struggling with something I said for months while I thought we were on the same page about the things we discussed.

[Jean doesn't immediately understand what Hijikata wants, but then he notices the rather worrying shape of his water bottle and hands it over. Safer if it's with someone else right now.

Hijikata is right, though. It was hard to understand what Mukuro had been through. Jean didn't have siblings in the first place.]

We're not doing a very good jobs as her brothers right now, huh?

[It's said sadly, a little resigned.]

Did you talk with her about it?

No, we aren't.

[He sighs.]

I did talk to her about it... or I thought I did, in any case. I felt like we already talked it out the first time around.

[But clearly, Mukuro still felt troubled about the things he said to her, to the point where she made a network post about the usefulness of despair that she filtered away from him. If not for Makoto, he'd never have found out about that. And even after he made an effort to spend more time with her and be there for her, she still almost sacrificed herself to protect him, acting like it was a no-brainer that his life was more valuable than hers.]

I'm still not sure if it got through to her even now. I don't know how to make it any more clear.

[Jean wasn't aware of the post either. Still isn't.

He's very quiet, thinking about what they could do to make things better. Well, to start with...]

I'm going to talk to her, too. To see if it helps at least a little.

Thanks.

[He knows it's not something he needs to thank Jean for - after all, they both want to be there for their sister -, but he feels so at a loss that he's grateful nonetheless.]

Perhaps we can only keep at it. If we consistently have her back and support her, maybe bit by bit her self-perception will change.

[It just seems to be a slower, more arduous process than either of them would've hoped for.]

Yeah... we need to be patient.

[Jean usually wasn't good with 'patience'. But he was willing to try for Mukuro's sake.]

Right. I definitely need to hit something now to shake off these feelings. Are you up for a spar?

Sure I am.

[Sparring will help him snap out of this gloomy mood, too, so he's relieved at the suggestion.]

Let's see how much of a handle you've got on the chain whip by now!

[He doubts they'll encounter any enemies using such a weapon, but it still can't hurt for him to learn how to counter it, too!]

[You never know about this place.]

Ha... I have practiced a bit at least. You might be surprised.

Oh? You sound pretty confident! Show me what you've got!

[A lot can be said about Jean and Hijikata, but not that they can't get their head back in the game at the drop of a head! Chances are they'll spend a good hour sparring (and once again, Hijikata will be goddamn glad for the Aura Sun has left him with).]

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[Open Log] Faith alone can't get me where I need to go

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wrapup and let them train into the sunset?

🎀