[ota] happy (belated) birthday

[at_heart]

WHO: Yuri, Flynn, and YOU!
WHAT: Flynn's birthday and maybe an engagement party, depends on how badly Yuri freaks out sjldkfjs
WHEN: Early/mid June
WHERE: A park near Flynn's apartment
WARNINGS: Nothing unless you actually ask why this party got delayed,

[ So, about a week into June, you might get a quick text message. ]

Sorry about the short notice but
Any chance you could make it to a birthday party sometime this week?
Should've been the 22nd but well
Kind of lost track of time

[ When you actually show up to the park near Flynn's one-bedroom apartment, you'll know where the party is right away: chains of wildflowers string trees together around the clearing, and there's a big buffet table covered with lots of (clearly labeled for different dietary needs) food. The recipes definitely lean Japanese, and most of it's handmade, but there's also a selection of storebought snacks still in their wrappers for some reason. ]


((ooc: Do you have CR with Yuri or Flynn? Are you a friend of someone with CR? Can you rationalize why your character might've been in the neighborhood to hear the sounds of a party going down? ;) Then come on in.

Gifts are optional. Lower Quarter birthdays have always been more about the people than the things!))

Comments

[at_heart]

[ Almost flinching back from that, the touch or the assertion or both. (It's both.) ]

I'm not, Flynn. I'm really, really not.

[bravestknight]

[Draws away his hand as he turns and murmurs.]

I think you are. I love you, flaws and all.

[Taking a breath, he places his hands on his knees and rocks up to stand.]

I think those rings can stay with you. Since I already know, it's time for you to figure it out.

[He turns to offer his hand.]

We can't leave everyone at the party waiting, so let's get back.

[at_heart]

[ Doesn't. Actually say anything for a moment. At least he pockets the rings? But just as Flynn might be prepared to walk away and leave him still crouched on the grass, Yuri murmurs, ]

What flaws, Flynn? What do you think's wrong with me.

[bravestknight]

I think your someone who values yourself less than others and you are definitely stubborn. You choose the path that is the hardest when sometimes there isn't a need.

[He turns and looks at Yuri and moves back kneeling in the grass with him. He isn't going anywhere to be honest and refuses to move now that he was asked.]

But that's okay, because I can do those things so you can move unrestricted.

I'll always have your back, even if we butt heads on the best way to move forward.

[at_heart]

[ —Flynn not leaving him alone with his thoughts might just. Be the biggest relief. Tension he hadn't even realized he was holding in his shoulders drains out of them. ]

Stubborn. Don't value myself highly enough. Make things harder on myself than they have to be.

Is that it?

[bravestknight]

[He sees the tension drain out of Yuri and sits back down, this time in front of him.]

Pretty much. Also, you tend to go off by yourself and try to do things alone.

[He doesn't want to make Yuri feel bad, but if this will help in some way, then he's going to be honest and tell him what he sees.]

[at_heart]

[ Just, the blandest, thinnest smile. ]

Is that everything?

[bravestknight]

[Yeah, he's sticking to the truth. He's not going to sugar coat this for Yuri, because if he did the other would get upset with him.]

Yes. That's it.

1/?

[at_heart]

[ Oh, honey. ]

My turn, then.

2/?

[at_heart]

I'm quick to judge people and I don't forgive easily. I'm cynical and pessimistic. I don't lie outright all that often, but I sure do lie by omission all the time. Like when you first came here and I tried to pretend I hadn't spent six months in a hell dimension — just to name one example.

3/?

[at_heart]

I'm also just — the worst friend anyone could ever have. Got hit by this status ailment that made me say everything I was thinking out loud, and I tried to spend the next three days hiding in my room because every time I opened my mouth something even shittier and more hurtful came out.

I think other people are stupid all the time. Stupid and clumsy and irritating. I've made "friends" with so many people who wouldn't want to be anywhere near me if they could hear what I really think of them. The judgments I'm making even as I tell them I don't have room to judge.

4/?

[at_heart]

Oh, and let's not forget the violent impulses. In Tokyo-F, with no memories, I thought I was maybe a decent enough person for a little while — but then we had our first murder game.

There was this one kid. You'd have liked him. Rich, sheltered, naive. A noble, sorta pompous, but decent. The kind of kid where you could just tell by looking at him that he'd never so much as thrown a punch in his life.

He was playing for a different team. By the time I ran into him, he was soaked through and miserable, clutching some sort of makeshift weapon, terrified, and cautiously relieved to see me. Because we were "friends".

And you know what I thought, looking at that kid? A kid who could've been Estelle's twin?

[ Yuri draws a thin breath. ]

I thought, "Wow. How easy would it be to stab him in the back and just keep going?"

5/?

[at_heart]

And it wasn't a one-off, or anything like that. No. Every time I ran into someone who clearly couldn't defend themselves — someone injured or exhausted or both — that little voice piped up in the back of my head.

For whatever reason, Flynn, people like me. They liked me there, too. I could've killed... so many people.

6/?

[at_heart]

[ Smallest beat. ]

So, you see, when I started buying memories back? I already knew there was something wrong with me. Something wrong with my head. The murders really didn't come as much of a surprise.

7/8

[at_heart]

Which really should've made your list, because you already knew about that part. The "thing" I tend to go off by myself and try to do alone? Usually murder.

[at_heart]

[ The smirk on his face is so fragile. It wavers, then vanishes. ]

You said nobody's perfect? I still think you can do better than whatever's wrong with me.

[bravestknight]

[Yuri. Flynn looks downright offended on his behalf. He reaches out touching one of Yuri's hands and he squeezes briefly letting the silence sit for a moment.]

As far as I'm concerned, Ragou and Cumore don't count. Yuri, you did what you had to in order to make sure that they paid for their crimes. If anything, I can say I was responsible because I couldn't find a way to make them accountable.

You have never turned your blade on someone who didn't hurt others.

Also, you could have hurt people in Tokyo-F more than you did, right? You tried to do your best, even there, right?

[at_heart]

[ Stilling, and the expressions that flit across his face range from the smallest briefest burst of fear to — resignation. ]

I've always been like this. [ Quiet. ] If I hadn't shoved a whole lot of irrelevant trauma at you through that link, you would've felt it. I never had clean hands to dirty, Flynn.

It was always just a matter of time before my outsides caught up with my insides.

[bravestknight]

[Flynn wants to touch Yuri, but he's trying not to distract from their conversation.]

You're too hard on yourself.

[Flynn looks at him forcing himself to keep eye contact.]

Yuri, if I had been there instead of you with Cumore, I don't think the outcome would have been any different.

[He had been tired, frustrated, and angry with the injustice of it all, but Yuri had done what he hadn't had the courage to.]

There's been more than once I've wanted to punch or hurt someone for something they've said to me or something I've seen them do to others. Also, with new people I can't help but think they are being nice because they want something from me.

But, I have to tell myself all the time that I must be full of myself to think that. Thinking it isn't hurting anyone.

[at_heart]

[ And there's that little flicker of fear again. This time it spills out of him, almost like a confession: ]

That's why it had to be me.

[ (He hears the rest of that.) (But the part about Ragou and Cumore—) ]

[bravestknight]

No, I should have been able to do something. You shouldn't have had to do it yourself.

[He touches the other's hand now, just a gentle touch to the back of his hand.]

I will always be angry at myself for that.

[at_heart]

I can take it.

[ Finally reaching out, finally taking Flynn's jaw in his hands. ]

This is the part of our burden I can carry.

[bravestknight]

[Flynn opens his mouth, to protest, to say something but he just lets himself sag forward into those hands.]

Then let me carry something for you. Don't carry everything on your own.

[at_heart]

You're already carrying so much.

[ His voice tight with... every feeling. Frustration and urgency and fear still — but the throughline is love. It's always been love. ]

You think I don't know you never wanted to be commandant? That I haven't seen the way it's weighed on you? How tired you've been, all the time, for months...?

[ His smile's more than a little watery. ]

I told you. You're carrying what I can't.

[bravestknight]

[Flynn is quiet, his body tensing at that, but he just looks up at Yuri, reaches up and pulls him into a kiss. He can't help it, he loves this person beside him.]

We promised each other we'd do what we could. I will carry what I need to in order to make sure that becomes a reality.

[He sits back, letting out a shaky breath.]

I love you Yuri.