Levi "rudeboi" Ackerman (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wingbound) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
seasonsrpg2023-06-05 09:34 pm
wingbound) wrote in seasonsrpg2023-06-05 09:34 pm
[closed] HANGE, NO: VOL.1 (TITAN FIREBALLS)
WHO: Eren, Hange, Levi, innocent wildlife
WHAT: THE TITAN EXPERIMENTS (REGRETFULLY) RESUME. CAN EREN USE HIS FIRE POWERS IN TITAN FORM? LET'S FIND OUT.
WHEN: the day after the family dinner, some hours after Levi's talk with Hange re: staying in Ellipsa
WHERE: some empty open area, perhaps near the bridge at a Segment
WARNINGS: flesh mecha tomfoolery (and all the usual AoT bullshit)
WHAT: THE TITAN EXPERIMENTS (REGRETFULLY) RESUME. CAN EREN USE HIS FIRE POWERS IN TITAN FORM? LET'S FIND OUT.
WHEN: the day after the family dinner, some hours after Levi's talk with Hange re: staying in Ellipsa
WHERE: some empty open area, perhaps near the bridge at a Segment
WARNINGS: flesh mecha tomfoolery (and all the usual AoT bullshit)
no subject
[But then Eren asks is Levi will stay too and the former Captain will find two people staring at him, waiting for an answer.]
[They hadn't really discussed it in their earlier conversation. Hange staying was obvious, they had nothing to go back to. Then the topic moved on to telling Eren, because he didn't have much of a future either and the two of them wanted to offer him something to grasp on to. But they never spoke about what Levi would do. Hange simply assumed he would stay. Hoped he would stay. Their world carries on regardless of what happens here and a few years after that time, he'd still be alive, still have Gabi and the others for company. Most of them are already here too. But you know who won't be back in Paradis, or wherever it is that he settles? Not Hange. Not Eren.]
[Were they wrong in that assumption? Or was this just Levi opting to keep his feelings to himself?]
...What do you mean 'maybe'? Just say yes or no, it's not hard.
[Are you going to leave them here once the world is safe? Or are you going to stay and be part of this future they will try to build?]
no subject
It's hypocritical, though; Eren isn't honest with his feelings these days, not with Levi and not with anyone else. He's not entirely honest with himself. Feelings are hard to access and when he does, he ignores them a lot of the time. We don't do that here, damnit! At least not for a few more weeks when metal titans happen, whatever.
He just keeps his mouth shut when Hange chimes in. Good job, Captain.
Once again he's caught looking back and forth between them. He looks away, though. Maybe he'll just leave. Not that he'd go far, but…well, he considers it for a minute. In the end, he stays, partially because he's curious how Levi is going to respond. (He could wager a guess.) ]
no subject
[ He shifts awkwardly, subconsciously moving his weight to his healthy leg, a natural reaction to an impending fight even if there isn't going to be one, or at least, not the physical kind. Probably. It's... not quite squirming under scrutiny, but for Levi, it's honestly pretty damn close. ]
[ Maybe he took it for granted that Hange could read his mind all this time, expecting them to know all about his plans and feelings that he never expressed or mentioned because surely he doesn't need to. Maybe they've been bothered by something they hadn't shared with him and he accidentally tripped into it with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the face, as he usually does. ]
[ Damn it. ]
Tch... [ He looks just as uncomfortable as he feels. ] Didn't think you'd need to ask.
[ ...and that's still not an answer. This is the kind of situation where he'd let Hange take over and do the talking for him, except he can't do that, because Hange is the one he's talking to, and it's going to shit. Okay. Talk. With words. He can do this. He frowns and looks away, as if irritated. ]
I have no reason to leave.
[ I have all the reasons to stay. ]
no subject
But ever since the conversation earlier, the more that Hange thinks back on it the more the wording provokes a sense of uneasiness.
"You can stay. Live out your life."
"Once this world is sorted out, you can choose to stay."
It was never we can stay. With though seed of doubt planted, that 'maybe' began to sound less like 'Maybe I want to but I don't know how to express that' and more like 'Maybe if I put more thought in it I can make up my mind on what I wish to do' which honestly felt worse than hearing a definitive decision one way or another.]
You only said that I could stay if I wanted to, and that we'd tell Eren. It's not as though I can ask you to stay. It would be selfish, even for me.
[Because Hange often makes decisions on Levi's behalf, roping him in to some activity or scheme because they're either confident that he'll end up enjoying himself eventually, or because they simply want his company. But this isn't like signing him up for a titan capturing expedition, or dragging him out to be social with all their squadmates, or commandeering his space to pinch some tea and chat while reading reports. You can't ask a friend to give up on returning to their actual life in favour of hanging around in some pseudo-afterlife with you, no matter how much you may wish to.]
No, we're the ones that have no reason to leave. You do. You didn't mention anything so how are we supposed to know? Right, Eren?
[Right, Eren? Back Hange up here. He was the one who asked about it, so evidently he didn't know what Levi was thinking either!]
no subject
Obviously Eren is aware that with Hange's death, the closest friend Levi had left is gone. He's aware, too, that somehow this world can heal injuries in a way theirs can't. He doesn't know how bad those injuries actually were, but he knows they were worse the first day here than they are now, so...even Eren can infer.
He also knows that he burned a significant chunk of the world to rubble. Seeing the reminder everyday probably sucks. (Still better than letting Marley and the world come kill everyone on the island, as far as he's concerned, whoops.)
Anyway, he knows this is better. Levi knows this is better. Why won't he just tell them?
He shouldn't be surprised when Hange drags him back into the conversation, but somehow he still is. He looks at them, then at Levi, then off at a tree in the distance. Well, if he's gonna end up pissing Levi off about something, there are worse things it could happen over. ]
...right.
[ Eren is highly aware he has no right to ask either of them for anything, not ever again. Even if they keep showing up for some reason (stay tuned, he'll figure out the reason in the next arc), he shouldn't ask them for things. But Hange won't ask it. And Eren's already done so much damage, this ask won't really hurt.
Ugh, fine.
He looks back at Levi. ]
Then stay, Captain.
[ Say it, wow, it's not hard. ]
bad at feelings 2: electric boogaloo
[ Hange is spiraling, and then so is Levi, because he had also expected an immediate, correct interpretation of whatever bullshit he chose to say, and when that never happens, it's suddenly not all as clear and obvious as he thought a moment ago. ]
[ Was he the only one thinking they were building something here, them and everyone else? Did Hange somehow think their friendship was onesided, that they were forcing him into things -- like they could actually make him do anything if he didn't choose to follow their orders -- and that he's just going along out of what, some kind of displaced pity, or obedience to the chain of command? Do they really think seeing them, hell, and Eren, again mean so little to him that he'd run back to the world they left behind just because it's -- what, more real somehow? -- this is all real -- or just more familiar, or because he fucking craves being carted around like a burden? ]
[ Why else would they be telling him what his reasons are or aren't? ]
Do I? [ He sounds about the same as usual, but with some straining, some brief notes of coldness, anger, disappointment could probably be made out. It's not directed at either of them, though, not really. Maybe it's himself, maybe it's the world, their fates, it's hard to say. But he really has nothing left back there, not in the moment he was snatched from. He thought they knew that. ] Don't you think we've already given everything we had?
[ Wasn't it their turn to be free from that hell? ]
[ His debts are paid, thanks. The ones that matter, anyway; the rest he's perfectly capable of carrying on here. Hange, they even gave their life. Eren too, though in a twisted way, he took way more than he gave, but it still hurt. Wasn't it enough? ]
[ And it would probably continue to get worse, and he'd probably continue somehow missing a straight answer yet again, except for once (when it concerns communication!), Eren actually comes through, that simple statement freezing the whole snowballing trainwreck on the rails. ]
[ He gives him a long, flat look, as if he'd said something completely obvious. Then he looks at Hange, simultaneously hurting over letting them think otherwise -- shouldn't he know better, shouldn't he be able to make a better effort -- and the fact that they did think it in the first place. Then at the fucking lake. ]
[ It really shouldn't be this hard, should it? ]
[ Then stay. ]
I am. [ He grumbles, not looking at either of them. ] If they let me.
[ He hadn't thought about himself when he asked, not yet, too focused in his mind of what he thought was saving Hange, and Eren, in some way at least because he couldn't back home. He hadn't asked, and he didn't want to just assume, but... Olwen did say "everyone who wants to", right? So maybe that would be enough... ]
[ I want to. ]
shingeki no happiness here
[Every time they thought they'd done all they could, whenever they felt like giving up, that shitty world of theirs dumped more misfortune in their laps. Raised the stakes even higher, leaving them no choice but to strive on forward through all the hurt to protect what they could.]
[When you put it like that, it seems really fucking stupid to even entertain the thought that someone would want to go back to it. But they'd been at the dinner the night before, and Gabi had been telling Hange all about her life once the dust had settled, with Levi and Falco. It sounded nice, peaceful almost. Maybe the two of them had talked about it here. Maybe he wanted to go back to that.]
[This time it's Hange's turn to refrain from looking at either of them, opting to turn and face the lake instead, focusing on the ripples as water gently washes against its banks. ]
['Then stay Captain'. 'I am. If they let me.']
Right...
[The glasses come off for just a moment, Hange wiping their eye with a sleeve (it's just dust! honest!) before turning back around to face the two of them. They really had been thinking the worst for no reason, huh..]
Then let's stay.
[Hange looks at Eren, then to Levi, then back at Eren.]
All three of us, let's stay.
[Their focus turns back to Levi. Since this entire conversation was brought about due to miscommunication and people not letting the others know what they feel clearly enough:]
I want you both to stay.
no subject
Well, Armin and Mikasa also gave everything, didn't they? But Armin isn't here and Mikasa doesn't know and won't ever have to. Hange and Levi don’t get to forget. Even Eren can't forget the things he's known for years and can't change.
He didn't hear the things from Gabi, the future, Levi staying with her and Falco. Ultimately, though, would that be worth going back to, a world Eren ruined and a reminder of that, Paradis still full of Jaegerists, much of the world burned to rubble, injuries that don’t ever heal?
Hange is right here. Seems like a no brainer.
Eren doesn't factor himself into this equation, not really, the same way he hasn't factored himself into anything much for the past several years. He's the villain, a monster, an obstacle. They should hate him. He's aware that they don’t, though it will be weeks before it really sinks in because he's Eren, but he still thinks of himself as just...sort of here.
But that doesn't mean he wants any of them to leave. Even if they did hate him!
He's visibly surprised when Hange looks at him directly.
I want both of you to stay.
What! Feelings? Who asked for that? Aren't they just here to set shit on fire? He can feel his face go too warm, the holdover from when he was an overly emotional kid who turned red at everything. Stupid, really. ]
Then I guess we do whatever we can to stay. To make this world somewhere we can stay.
[ It's funny, saying something like that as if he could really commit to it. As if he couldn't lose his shit and hurt people. But for now it's fine. ]
no subject
[ It's a no brainer indeed. ]
...yeah.
[ If they all want to stay, they'll just have to do their damnedest to make sure this place remains standing. Not that he ever considered doing anything less, but... the motivation is definitely stronger now. ]
[ And he looks between Hange and Eren, and at the lake again, and struggles to spit out any more words even though he knows he should, especially with Hange opening up like this, actually voicing their feelings aloud, feelings so strong that they had stared at that lake for just a little too long. And now Levi's doing the same thing, trying to ignore the way that the sparkly, too-blue waters seem to make his eye itch. ]
[ It's probably just the sunlight. ]
You-- [ He sighs and glances between them again until finally settling on Hange, because they kicked this shitshow off even though it was technically Eren who asked the question. Then he scowls and tries again. ] Don't just go assuming you're afterthoughts, shitty four-eyes.
[ You of all people should know better. Don't do it again. ]
[ But it's still so odd, so foreign, to actually express it. Has he ever even uttered the words "I want" before? Not without it being some kind of an order or declaration, probably. He hasn't exactly let himself want things for a long time. ]
[ Maybe when his mother was still alive. ]
[ And does he dare to do it now? When there's still a bunch of what-ifs that may determine whether or not this thing they want will actually happen? What if he jinxes it somehow, what if everyone around him just dies again no matter the world? ]
[ I want us all to stay, too. ]
[ Well. There's hoping Hange's interpret-o-meter is working again, and they understand what he's feeling. ]
no subject
Mmm, we'll do what we can. It's why we're here, after all.
[Whatever needs doing to 'save' this world, although they aren't sure yet how they are achieving that exactly.]
[Next it is Levi's turn to answer, and Hange watches tentatively as he speaks. 'Don't just go assuming you're afterthoughts, shitty four-eyes.' Perhaps anybody else would be offended by such a crude response, but thankfully after their lull in confidence received a swift kick in the ass, that interpret-o-meter appears to be working in full swing once again. 'Of course you guys aren't afterthoughts.' 'Of course I will stay with you guys, you really thought that little of me?' 'I want to stay.' It means something like that, right Levi?]
Ah.. lesson learned. Sorry, Levi.
[It feels rather silly now they're done with- well, whatever the fuck this was- but even Hange was surprised by their own reaction, truth be told. It's been a while since they've spiraled into a self-pity party and feelings of inadequacy (those are usually reserved for when nobody else is around, thanks very much!) ]
[For a rather prolonged moment it looks as though Hange is itching to say more, fidgeting as they often do when something is on the tip of their tongue, waiting to be released.]
[Maybe the best thing to do would be to air any further worries over the matter, or at least acknowledge that maybe there are consequences to not talking about the entire 'going out in a blaze of glory' situation in favor of burning the candle at both ends, because you're fairly certain you're going to be re-dead(?) soon anyway, only to be told that actually, you don't have to be, and suddenly you've had actual prospects for a future dumped in your lap and you actually have no idea what to do with it, or what your friends think of it, or if they may have awkwardly been longing to go home, because at least it's home even if it's hell, and you overthought it so you started thinking the worst, and-- yeah, maybe you should acknowledge all of that.]
[But we don't do that here. No, the true Survey Corps way is to laugh awkwardly and repress those silly things called emotions in favor of setting shit on fire.]
...Ha. Haha!
Well, I guess if we're going to stay, that means we've got to master these powers correctly, huh Eren?
[By 'we' Hange means 'you' btw]
no subject
But even Eren isn't so obtuse that he can't read between the lines on this one. "Don't go assuming you're afterthoughts" is the same thing as saying he wants to be here. Why he couldn't just say that is a little beyond Eren, who is a pretty straightforward person. (Just kidding, he's a manipulative liar as much as he's anything anymore.)
He's not versed enough in how Levi is to include himself mentally in this equation, not yet. That will be a few weeks yet. But he doesn't really mind. Levi doesn't actively want him to fuck off forever and that's good enough. It's more than what he deserves for the things he's done/will do. They coexist. Levi's not pissed at him 24 hours a day. Good enough for him.
AND apparently that's enough of whatever this was! He's thankful for the shift, for Hange turning it back to what they came here to do. Feelings? Haha, we sure don't do that here
for a couple more months! ]I…yeah, but I still don't know that I can do it unless I'm just a human. I'll try.
[ Joke's on all of them since "mastery" includes "put out fires" and there's a big ass metaphor here about how bad Eren is at doing that. ]
wrap i guess,
...tch.
[ We don't do that here indeed, although the unacknowledged things may come back to bite them all in the ass once again later. For now, though, it's all safely shoved down to not be mentioned again, and it's time for less talking and more doing. ]
[ And there Eren goes again with his "I don't know if I can do it", and isn't that entire conversation an odd deja vu to that time he needed to master hardening. Levi stares at him for a moment in what's probably meant as encouragement. ]
You will do it.
[ It... somehow sounds kind of like an order, honestly! But he's trying! ]
[ He glances at Hange. ]
Signal if you need me to step in. [ He will, of course, use his own judgement as well, if necessary, but considering that Eren hasn't been squashing people while in titan form here, there's decent chances it won't be. ]
[ And with that, he'll be zipping away to his post so he can watch the experiment with some distance between them, as usual. ]