seasonsrpg | [closed] The Bridge of the Lost Redux

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[closed] The Bridge of the Lost Redux

WHO: Wanderer & Childe
WHAT: Bad coping mechanisms See quest here
WHEN: Today
WHERE: Winter Segment
WARNINGS: Angsty bullshit

[Oh, he knows so very well that these trips to the bridge are a waste of his time, and nothing else but him being a stupid idiot clinging to absolutely nothing. Still, in a way, it has become part of his routine. He calculates the dates and timeframes, notes them down and when the time is right he leaves for the bridge with some idiot at his side, who he pays to be his 'plus one'. Wanderer always makes sure And secretly he hopes that, at one point, he is going to be lucky and he will be able to see those he has lost again. And maybe they would talk this time.

Only they never appear. At the end of everything, it just him waiting on top of the bridge for absolutely nothing. And when the timeframe is over he pays the idiot and tells them to get lost as soon as possible.

And this time its exactly the same as it always is. The only difference is that he didn't expect Childe to appear halfway the entire procedure. Especially since Wanderer is quite secretive about it and any worm who dares to open his mouth to others has quite a bit problem.]

Get lost.

[Wanderer doesn't look up from his cellphone, yet the tone of his voice is harsh enough to convey the fact that he really wants Childe to be gone. After all, it is almost time.]

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[Of course he's not going away. While he does know when to let things alone, with Wanderer he always wants you to leave him alone, and you just have to be nosy if you're going to get what you want. Curiosity drives Childe forward, stepping closer to his ex-coworker, not ready to give up quite yet on this. Besides, there's still gaps to fill in his little mental dossier of the other man, though why he cares is a question he still can't even answer himself- maybe it's the shock of what he'd learned. The shock of knowing that inside that little imp body of his, is someone who used to feel, used to care. Someone who actually still cares, in his own way.]

This isn't your first time then, I take it?

[He inches ever so closer, not enough to look over Wanderer's shoulder, but he can kind of tell what he's doing.]

Who are you looking for?

[Wanderer makes quick work of handling everything. He pays the man exactly what he has promised to pay and sends him his own way.

And when that is done he finally moves to turn so he can give Childe the attention he so very much wants.]

Is there something wrong with your ears?

[Really, Childe, you have chosen the worst moment to be curious and to badger him with questions.]

If I tell you to get lost, get lost.

Come now, there's no need to be so hostile. You act as if I don't have a single modicum of understanding as to why you, of all people, would be here.

[He's pretty sure all of the Harbingers, if they even remembered him, wouldn't know why on earth Scaramouche of all people would want to be at this bridge, knowing what it does.]

Relax.

[Oh, but that's not the problem. Wanderer knows very well that Childe would probably know why he is here, yet he is in no mood to talk about it or explain it. He knows very well that this is a very bad coping mechanism and perhaps, if he were in Teyvat, being forced to attend Akademiya classes, things would be different.]

That does not mean you have to interfere. Or are you the sort of idiot who thinks we have a bond now?

Oh, don't worry, I'm under no illusion that we're friends.

[He's not delusional. He still doesn't even really like the guy all that much, and still doesn't care really what Wanderer does or what happens to him. But that doesn't mean he isn't interesting, and he's strong to boot.]

It's just...your presence here alone already tells me a lot. Look, [he begins,] don't be mistaken, I'm not going to give you any pity. But, I hope that one day, you find the one you've been waiting for all this time.

[Said sincerely, without trying to reveal that he may know a little more than what Wanderer is privy to.]

[That remark makes him frown a little.]

What memories of me did you see? Or, if anything, what did you feel?

[Its probably loneliness and anger. An unhealthy dose of yearning for something unknown. Lacking a purpose.]

Heh. If it helps any. [There is a smile around his lips but it is more sad than anything else.] You have so much to live for. [Now he does laugh.] Why would you want to be a Harbinger when you can live a life that is far more...human?

[Childe's ready to walk away, not thinking that Wanderer would try to talk to him anymore. But it seems his words must of struck a chord with him, stopping himself and considering the questions asked of him.]

Hey now, let's go through that one at a time. Listen...

[He doesn't fully understand why Wanderer would ask him a question like that, but no doubt it has to do with his past, his decision to erase himself, and a life he never got to have.]

To me, being a Harbinger helps me find ever more challenging fights, so I can always improve my combat skills. You know me, I'm never one to pass up a fight. I find meaning in chasing my passion, and if anything, I'd say there's nothing more human than always finding a way to stave death off for one more day. Otherwise, I grow too restless- and you know what happens when I get a little bored.

[Chaos happens :D]

But you also ask about what I saw or felt...I felt something devastating. It's why I asked you about the Doctor, because I saw him in your memories, doing something terrible somewhere in Inazuma to you. You'd even said he took everything away, ruined your life...there were flashes of a burning home, a bleeding heart, the Doctor, and horrors I couldn't quite make out. I couldn't make heads or tails of it, but the pain of loss and betrayal nearly overpowered me. I may not be an immortal, divine creation, but I can recognize human emotion when I see it.

[He sighs, because speaking the words aloud brings Scaramouche's existence to the front of his mind, with all its nuances. Things he usually doesn't care to think on, but when he says it, it just seems like this guy got screwed left and right by the Doctor. If that hadn't happened, who would be of become?]

To feel that loss means you had of had something to lose- something you loved. I may not agree with how you decided to handle those feelings, but I get it. It's not easy.

Heh. I hope you realize that your weakness lies in the thing you think of as a strength. It is beyond stupid that you think that your hunger for battles is going to save you in the end. [The tone of his voice isn't a mocking one this time. It is more of a warning than anything else.

When Childe starts to sum up what he has felt back then, Wanderer cocks his head a little, listening.]

If you break...it might not be so easy to get up again. If I break...it will be far less messy. Puppets break, humans...are made of something way more fragile. Tch. You're an idiot to think the other Harbingers think of you as an equal.

[Still, that doesn't mean that a non-existant heart can't break. Wanderer knows he feels too much and he still hasn't entirely accepted that.]

I am quite aware of human emotion as well. And your feelings were...heh, there's a lot of warmth. [A pause.] And the Abyss. And its creatures. But how dreadful that place might be, it pales in comparison to that warmth.

[Wanderer hopes he gets his point across.]

Hmn. It's disgusting how this place allows the dead to live. To offer hope in such a way. Only simple fools would reach out and take it. [Its him, he is the simple fool.] Because who knows...perhaps this time it is justified to have that hope. [It isn't.]

I believe this is what humans mean when there is more than meets the eye, not?

[Deep down, he knows he could die because of his insatiable thirst for battle. He'd accepted that fact long ago, which is why he always swears that he'll find a way to stay alive- the best he can, at least. It's a promise he's kept not only to his family, but to Lumine and Yoimiya. He'll do his best not to break it.

And, he couldn't care less what the other Harbingers think about him. ^^]

You could look at it like that.

[He won't discourage Wanderer from reaching out for anything that gives him warmth and comfort, even if it's pointless to look back on the past and try to seize what's already lost.]

But you know...I think that's probably the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Who knew you were capable of giving compliments like that?

[What was the point he was trying to make? Doesn't matter, all he heard was something something you have a warm heart something something.]

[As expected. The idiot doesn't get it. It is in no way a compliment. Wanderer doesn't do compliments and, if he does, he'll definitely not give them to someone like Childe.]

No.

[He rolls his eyes.]

You're too human. [Every human is too much of a human according to a puppet but that aside...] Your strength is laughable, yet your heart... Hmn. You have far too much to lose. Don't be even more of an idiot.

I know what you're trying to say.

[He looks at Wanderer, smirking. He can't help it, now that he knows what he knows. And he's still tickled pink by the fact that he keeps phrasing it in terms of his heart.]

I get that you're being matter-of-fact here, and you've seen my humanity in its entirety, laid bare with every shadow dispelled, right? But what's more is you understand it, or you wouldn't of said anything at all. So wouldn't you say your heart is just as human as my own?

[You know what? That right there is that one thing that has been bothering Wanderer for hundreds of years. Really, how can you feel so much without having a heart? Why yearning for things that are so human while not being one. Why did his chest ache while there is nothing inside of it?]

I have no heart. [A sigh.] Do I truly have to remind you that I am a puppet?

[He is briefly reminded of Niwa's last words and for a second the look on his face darkens. Still, he forces himself to focus on the conversation at hand and pushes the image away.]

My situation is irrelevant. Just don't be an even bigger fool than you already are.

I appreciate the concern, [he replies, knowing full well it's not actually concern,] but I'll do as I please. Don't worry, I'll do whatever it takes to stay alive. It's even easier here where death isn't permanent.

[As far as he knows so far, at least. But he continues on without giving Wanderer a chance to retort to that- to him, this isn't the real concern.]

But listen, I know we talked about this when you first arrived, but I still think you're taking this heart thing a little too literally. Maybe you should just accept your ability to feel without getting caught up with the fact that you're not human. After all, you're down here waiting for someone you care about from the past to appear before you, so explain that one to me.

Edited (i wanted to change my sentence ;;) 2023-10-19 19:12 (UTC)

[Briefly Wanderer wonders if the other is just being immensely stupid or pretending to be stupid. So you're getting that retort one way or another, Childe.]

Don't confuse advise with concern. [He pauses and pulls a face.] You know very well what I mean.

[Well, Wanderer has learned to accept a lot about himself. The fact that he was never going to be a god or a human, the very painful consequences of his actions, his past and the fact that there were slightly less betrayals than he thought here were. But still, every time he can feel his chest ache he is reminded of that one thing that is missing. And yes, here he is, waiting here for someone who has died a long time ago.

Perhaps he just isn't doing that well.]

Now that's easy for you to say, not? [No, he definitely isn't doing that well. Not even when he should be. After all, this new life might be without purpose, but it is better than the life he had.] There's nothing to explain. I think my sentiments towards this human have been quite clear when we were...connected.

[Clear is an understatement in describing Wanderer's relationship with the person he's referring to here. But if that's obvious, why isn't everything else obvious to Wanderer? Childe doesn't get how he doesn't understand this simple concept, but then again, this is the same guy that still looks at mortals and calls them worms, so he guesses he shouldn't be surprised...]

Yes, one of the swordsmiths of the Raiden Gokaden, right? I figured he wasn't one of the ones you slaughtered all those years ago. This is part of what you meant when you said the Doctor ruined your life, yes?

[Normally Lesser Lord Kusanali would be the one where he was having conversations with like this. She always had a knack for seeing through him at the worst moments possible.

To discuss this matter with Childe of all people was a bit...annoying and unusual. Really, he never should have agreed to team up with him inside that robot. In fact, he should have stayed away from it in general. Reliving all those memories and the entire involvement of others.

Of course, Childe is a fool, but he himself has definitely been foolish as well.]

Heh. If I might be able to summon him he is not even real. [Wanderer shakes his head and chuckles the most bitter chuckle he is capable of. Oh, he is hearing everything Childe says.] A mere illusion. [Eventually he turns halfway.] No. He was... [Wanderer falls silent for a moment and shakes his head.] ...tch.

[Seem to him like he hit the nail on the head. There were far too many memories swirling around in the puppet's head, so much information that he couldn't get most of it straight in the short time that they were connected. But one thing he did gather from it, which is verified by Wanderer's mere existence here at the bridge, and what he told him when he first arrived is that the person he's waiting here for left a huge hole in his heart that he's never recovered from. It explains a lot to Childe about why his former colleague is the way he is, even if the young Harbinger overall doesn't have much sympathy.

Still, he can still remember those feelings of anguish and loneliness, of a broken heart over the loss of someone important. At the very least, he can empathize with that.]

He was someone worth coming back here for.

[He'll finish that sentence for him, even if that isn't what Wanderer was going to say. He debates for a moment on a thought, but would it really do any good to tell him?]

...Someone worth saving.

[It's almost as if he's asking Wanderer to prove him wrong, like he might know something he hasn't revealed completely.]

[He remembers very well how he respond to Niwa's fate when Irminsul showed him. How he had been laughing because he had no idea how to properly process what he has been seeing and, most of all, what Niwa said right before he died.

The one who he always held responsible for the Second Betrayal, never betrayed him at all. He was what he always has been: family.]

Yes. Someone worth saving. Someone who could have lived a happy life.

[If I did not exist.

Despite all that, it was an interesting choice of words Childe used there and Wanderer glances at him briefly..]

But instead he died miserably and hated.

[He almost has to force the words from his mouth.]

That's why you tried to save him, right?

[A lot of things are adding up, and Childe's slowly putting two and two together when it comes to Wanderer's motivations to do what he did. At the very base of it all, that fateful decision he made was at least for the person he's been hoping to see here at the bridge.]

By doing what you did.

[He's sure Wanderer will pick up on what he's just revealed, standing firm and ready for whatever backlash that might produce, or even if he tries to deny it- it doesn't matter to him in the end.]

[Wanderer does pick up on that and the thoughtful expression changes into a more curious one.]

Ah? And what did I do?

[He knows exactly what he did, but please indulge him, Childe.]

[He sure will]

Erased yourself from existence. Or at least, you tried to.

[He won't beat around the bush with this one. No cryptic phrases, nothing of the sort- he's not interested in that right now. Lumine said it was an "accident" but he never bought that for a second. Scaramouche, careless enough with divine power to accidentally erase himself from history? He doubts that. The words careless and Sixth Harbinger don't belong in the same sentence, even if he'd gladly taunt him with such a word.]

Heh. How long did it take you to find out?

[He isn't going to deny it.]

Did you ask Lumine? [A pause.] Or Aether?

[It can't be Lesser Lord Kusanali, that's for sure. Perhaps Childe found out that his memories were different than those of others.]

[He doesn't seem bothered by the fact that Childe's figured it out, but to him that's just fine. And even if it wasn't fine, and Wanderer didn't want this secret out, that just would of led to a great battle, wouldn't it?

He's going to skirt answering who told him though- you don't reveal your sources.]

I pieced it together after finding a discrepancy in my memories versus someone else from Teyvat. They seemed to think that there hadn't been a Sixth Harbinger for hundreds of years, and yet I saw you a a banquet not too long ago. Given what I saw from your memories, your attitude towards the blacksmiths, and your emotional state...it all helped me to put it together.

[Wanderer's eyes narrow a little. That's not going to do, Childe. And, no, he isn't going to fight you.]

Listen. [The tone of his voice is dead serious and he takes a couple of steps forward.] That you know what I did doesn't bother me. If you find yourself surprised at my capability to feel and you wish to mock me over that, feel free to act on it and laugh.

[Yet he wonders if Childe knows how he managed to do what he did. The idea of the Fatui knowing about the fact you are able to manipulate time and memories through Irminsul isn't something that sits well.]

If you do not wish to tell me which sibling told you, fine. But have they told you how I managed to do what I did? A yes or no will suffice.

[He gets why Wanderer would ask that question. Childe instantly understands that the same concerns he had initially when even he thought it might be the Fatui's doing are the ones that might plague his ex-colleague now. It's reasonable to ask, and there's really nothing he can do about it now that Childe knows anyway. Even if he dies here in Ellipsa somehow, he'll come back, with no way to erase what he knows.

So he gives Wanderer a nod, not feeling the need to lie to him about it.]

It's given me a lot of food for thought, like why the Doctor wasn't in the best of moods when he returned to Snezhnaya.

[Naturally, Childe has thought of the worst possible outcome for it all, because why wouldn't he when things involve other Harbingers.]

The last thing that matters to me are the Doctors feelings. What I want to know is what you will do with that knowledge. As the eleventh of the Fatui Harbingers.

[The serious look on Wanderers face remains as it is. Of course, there are things he should take into account. What memories will remain from Ellipsa? What will be forgotten?]

[He shrugs back at Wanderer, as if the answer was obvious.]

That information would greatly benefit the Fatui, and it's my duty to ensure the glory of Her Majesty, the Tsaritsa. Naturally, it would be in our best interests to know and be aware of such an ability.

However, given that the Doctor was a little sour about his experiment failing, I can only assume the worst- that he probably already knows about accessing Irmunsul, and you were his ticket in. Why else would a traitor be allowed to possess a Gnosis?

[Because that NEVER made sense to him. However, if you put it in the framework of that, it makes a little more sense, to him at least.]

But since you fell to the traveler and Lesser Lord Kusanali, it ruined all his plans. And if that's the case, it doesn't matter if I know or not. If Dottore knows, then Jester knows.

[Oh, he doesn't doubt that the Doctor knows about Irminsul. Yet, he is not sure if the Doctor knows what it is capable of.]

Hm. I wonder if you still remember this conversation when you have returned to Teyvat.

[And then he smiles and cocks his head a little to the right.]

I am quite sure that the only thing you do know is that there has never been a Sixth Harbinger. That seat has been vacant for hundreds of years. [Then he takes a step closer.] But in case you haven't forgotten about my existence, feel free to come and punish me for being a traitor. Let them know...but...do not tell them how I did what I have done.

[Just for Lesser Lord Kusanali's sake. Not that he cares, but just in case...]

Oh? You know, you could use a nicer tone of voice when making demands of me. Withholding such information from the Tsaritsa isn't in my job description, either.

[Childe can list plenty of reasons why he shouldn't, and he doesn't even need to add Wanderer into the equation why he shouldn't. He himself isn't sure if Dottore should have such information, though he won't doubt that his comrade will find out on his own eventually anyway- that's how the Harbingers work, and that crafty guy will probably get into Irmunsul one way or another.

But he also doesn't owe Scaramouche anything. And his loyalty to the Tsaritsa is greater than any of the other Harbinger's wills.]

Personally, I really don't care if you're punished for your crimes at this point- as far as I'm concerned, you've already paid the price. I don't think there's anything we could do to you that's worse than what you already did to yourself. I'll think about your demand...but no promises on that.

Ah? Is it kindness you want? [The tone of his voice drips with sarcasm now.] I never knew that. [More sarcasm coming right up.] Perhaps...we all should have hugged it out instead. [And after a slight roll of his eyes he chuckles.] Alas, kindness isn't my forte. So yes, see it as a demand.

[Wanderer knows that his request will probably fall on deaf ears. There might be a small chance that the 11th idiot would keep his mouth shut to the Doctor, yet he is one of the Tasaritsa's most loyal dogs.]

Heh. You are so annoyingly stupid. [The sarcasm has disappeared and all Wanderer can do is shake his head.] If you decide to open your mouth about it, just realize that it will do more harm than you think. [But again, maybe that's just fate. It will happen, despite everything the might try.]

Just, for once, don't be the weak minded idiot you are.

[Sometimes, Wanderer just rubs him the wrong way, rolling his eyes as the building need to deck the puppet in the face starts to show itself in his eyes. The sarcasm he can handle, but just being called an idiot and stupid right to his face is pretty much fighting words as far as he's concerned.]

You know, if we weren't having such a serious conversation, I'd say you were just trying to pick a fight with me here.

[His fingers twitch, wanting so much to bring a blade forward to point at the former Harbinger.]

It's actually pretty cute how you want to protect the world like this. When I first learned of it myself, and what you did to try to save your loved ones, it was so ridiculous that I couldn't help but laugh. But, fine. Talking more about it has already helped me come to a decision. I'll honor your request, since you were prepared to pay the ultimate price. But you better still spar with me, even after you kill the Doctor, deal?

[Wanderer knows that is a very big talent of his: rubbing others the wrong way.]

Everything is a reason to fight for you. You would even fight a pigeon for shitting on you.

[If Childe wants to act like a simpleton, Wanderer isn't going to stop him.]

Heh. Bold words for someone who believes that the Rooster has nothing but the best intentions with his family. [Two can play that game, Childe.] But I will spar with you. Even after dealing with the Doctor.

[He'll probably be dead, but death is the last thing he fears.]

[Good, he's getting what he wants anyway, so he won't mind keeping Irmunsul's secret to himself. But man, this little wretch, he really wants to start a petty squabble, doesn't he? ~~Like Childe wouldn't absolutely want to do the exact same thing plz Childe~~

The Harbinger's eyes narrow at Wanderer, folding his arms over his chest.]

Quiet, you. Though the Rooster seems genuine, I'm well aware that his intentions might be less than altruistic. But what do you expect me to do? I needed help and he offered it, and he's very good to them. If the Rooster wanted to do something to them, all he'd have to do is wait for me to leave Snezhnaya. There's no need for him to be nice about it. You've just got a bitter outlook on life, is all.

[He understands why he's like that though, but still...basically calling him naive like that, it's insulting!]

[Wanderer is good at squabbling, Childe. You know what you are getting yourself into.]

I have been a part of the Fatui Harbingers for at least hundred years. I know how they can be. All cordial and friendly during those banquets while each one of them has their own agenda, their own little schemes. [A shrug.] Tsk. That has nothing to do with my outlook at life...

[Oh yes, he's gonna go there.]

...you are just dense.

C'mon, cut me a little slack. I'm not dense, I'm well aware of Pulcinella's ruthlessness and his tendency to cut losses wherever he sees fit. You forget, there's no reason for him to harm them anyway. Unless you think I'm going to betray the Tsaritsa.

[This guy! He's such a jerk, why was he even being nice to him in the first place?]

I'm not you, who can only live out in the open because you've made everyone forget your existence. You would of had to live in seclusion if it weren't for that little stunt you pulled, or else The Captain himself might of come for you eventually.

[He mulls the other's words over for a couple of seconds. Now he doesn't expect Childe to betray the Tsaritsa, but the Harbingers and their own little agendas are a completely different thing.]

Of course you will not betray the Tsaritsa. You are one of her most loyal dogs. Yet, memory or not, I have betrayed her by turning my back on the Fatui, not? Now what would she have to say about you coming to my aid?

[Because, lets be honest. Even though Wanderer deems Childe weak of mind and weak of body, he does pose quite a challenge when sparring with him. There is no way Wanderer can allow himself to slack off.]

Heh. The Captain himself? How righteous of him would that be, not? But I believe they sent you to look for me, not? As if the Captain would bother with the likes of me. Or you, for that matter.

[He pauses to shake his head.]

As I said, you are free to tell others about what I have done. I will not deny my sins. Write them down, hand them out, let them come. [Then the look on his face changes to a more solemn one.] It was never my intention to make others forget about me, it was my intention to undo my existence.

[If the Tsaritsa shows up here one day, he'll deal with the consequences of not destroying Wanderer later, if they even had any memory of him. It seems to him at this point that retaining the memory of Scaramouche is a rarity so far- only himself and Lumine seem to be the ones who know who he is. Which, as far as he's concerned, is fine. It serves his interests anyway, and what more defining of a Harbinger than to be doing something that's doing them a favor.

He scoffs at the dig with the Captain. Sure, he won't deny it- the Captain hasn't bothered to even notice him yet, but one day he would. It's a silent goal for himself in this moment to prove Scaramouche wrong on that front. But the really important point of it all though is exactly what the puppet says here at the end, to which he sighs. That weight and all the emotions he experienced comes back to press on his thoughts, shaking his head.]

I know. Look, I really don't see the point in pointing your past misdeeds to others, so I'm not going to. What's done is done, and my only concern is our sparring matches from here on out. You know I don't care for the other Harbingers- so until Her Majesty shows up here, I really don't care what the consequences are for "coming to your aid." At this point, I doubt even she cares. What is our existences to a god like her anyway? We're just the pawns in this game. Besides...

[He gives Wanderer a wide grin, not hiding his amusement.]

I'd love to see you square off with any of the Harbingers. I'm just sad that I won't be able to join the battle myself.

[The remark about the meaning of their existence in front of a god's eyes make him chuckle a little harder. Its ironic and stupid at the same time.

But finally he nods. Now he has no great desire to face off all the Harbingers. Of course, he has excellent control of his Anemo strength and he is still as sturdy as he always has been. But to him, only decimating the Doctor is important. If only for karma's sake.]

Hmn. My hunger for battle isn't that great as yours. [But then he grins a little.] Lets just focus on sparring against each other. You know what you know, if you dare to pity me, I will grind your face into the dirt.

[Then he turns halfway and waves his hand.]

Let us meet up tomorrow morning. Before sunrise.

[He returns the smirk with one of his own, fine with that proposal. Folding his arms over his chest, he'll watch Wanderer turn to go, not interested in stopping him.]

Sure. There's nothing like getting in some good exercise right before breakfast. Until then.

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[closed] The Bridge of the Lost Redux

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SORRY THIS IS THE BIGGEST NON-ANSWER EVER

WANDA PLZ

JUST LET HIM COOK

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