Hijikata Toshirou (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
mayoninofukucho) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
seasonsrpg2023-08-01 11:50 pm
mayoninofukucho) wrote in seasonsrpg2023-08-01 11:50 pm
Entry tags:
Fate/Hate Boner, Part... I Lost Track
WHO: Hijikata and OPEN
WHAT: Hijikata tries to deal with his spectacular fuck-up!
WHEN: August 1st (a couple of days after Medusa first turned into Gorgon)
WHERE: Sunwaning and/or Solarpeak
WARNINGS:Unwarranted Manpain (OK no, he'll try to take responsibility!!)
[OOC: This is yet another little chapter of the ongoing drama between Hijikata, Medusa, and Ozymandias (and their friends and affiliates, and innocent bystanders too)!
Associated posts (for anyone who would like to follow along at home):
OOC Plotting
Hijikata starting the whole shitshow by siccing Medusa on Ozymandias
Ozymandias live-shaming a consequently petrified Hijikata
Quest: Going Gorgon
This installment is mostly for people who want their characters to give him a talking-to in person, but rest assured that he's got the pet-shaming sign on him, and further additions are being retroactively added!]
[When Hijikata regained consciousness he was at home, not at the Secret Getaway, and in front of him was his mentee Shoto, caught between concern and relief... not his suddenly tall-as-a-house, winged and snake-bodied Servant Medusa.
Naturally the most important items ("Why am I here", "What date is it", "How did you get me unpetrified") were addressed first, and all the answers - that Shoto took him home from Solarpeak after Ozymandias brought him there, that a couple of days elapsed between now and when he last saw Medusa, that Shoto sacrificed White Amaryllis, the sword forged out of his admiration for his mentor - drove it home more and more deeply that he made a colossal, terrible mistake.
Hijikata wanted to stay with Shoto, somehow make up for his sacrifice, reassure him, answer his many questions... but he simply couldn't leave Medusa alone out there in that state. So he made up a convincing lie (another thing to feel bad about later, because damn it, why does this boy put so much trust in him), promising to be back very soon, and set out - not to where he said he'd go, but towards the Summer Guild's headquarters.
Shoto-kun said she's in the Jungle of Judgement. I just need to teleport to the Temple of Life, and then--!
And then what?, a voice in his head asks. Medusa - no, Gorgon - is draining his mana. All of it. He felt her suck it all up like a giant maelstrom when she first transformed out there, and he can still feel it now, despite the distance between them. The remaining two Command Seals on the back of his hand - the third smudged and blackened, as if it was burned up - are testament to their bond still existing. Shit. Rider...
He stops, trying to form some kind of plan, but it comes back down to just: I'm her Master, I need to help her. But how can he do that now when he can't even summon enough of a fireball to light a cigarette anymore? Maybe he can undo this with another Command Spell..? He stares at the red triple tomoe (now just a double tomoe, really). Won't this only make it worse..? But this is my duty, isn't it?
(If anybody notices his weird behaviour... please stop this man. He's done enough!)]
WHAT: Hijikata tries to deal with his spectacular fuck-up!
WHEN: August 1st (a couple of days after Medusa first turned into Gorgon)
WHERE: Sunwaning and/or Solarpeak
WARNINGS:
[OOC: This is yet another little chapter of the ongoing drama between Hijikata, Medusa, and Ozymandias (and their friends and affiliates, and innocent bystanders too)!
Associated posts (for anyone who would like to follow along at home):
OOC Plotting
Hijikata starting the whole shitshow by siccing Medusa on Ozymandias
Ozymandias live-shaming a consequently petrified Hijikata
Quest: Going Gorgon
This installment is mostly for people who want their characters to give him a talking-to in person, but rest assured that he's got the pet-shaming sign on him, and further additions are being retroactively added!]
[When Hijikata regained consciousness he was at home, not at the Secret Getaway, and in front of him was his mentee Shoto, caught between concern and relief... not his suddenly tall-as-a-house, winged and snake-bodied Servant Medusa.
Naturally the most important items ("Why am I here", "What date is it", "How did you get me unpetrified") were addressed first, and all the answers - that Shoto took him home from Solarpeak after Ozymandias brought him there, that a couple of days elapsed between now and when he last saw Medusa, that Shoto sacrificed White Amaryllis, the sword forged out of his admiration for his mentor - drove it home more and more deeply that he made a colossal, terrible mistake.
Hijikata wanted to stay with Shoto, somehow make up for his sacrifice, reassure him, answer his many questions... but he simply couldn't leave Medusa alone out there in that state. So he made up a convincing lie (another thing to feel bad about later, because damn it, why does this boy put so much trust in him), promising to be back very soon, and set out - not to where he said he'd go, but towards the Summer Guild's headquarters.
Shoto-kun said she's in the Jungle of Judgement. I just need to teleport to the Temple of Life, and then--!
And then what?, a voice in his head asks. Medusa - no, Gorgon - is draining his mana. All of it. He felt her suck it all up like a giant maelstrom when she first transformed out there, and he can still feel it now, despite the distance between them. The remaining two Command Seals on the back of his hand - the third smudged and blackened, as if it was burned up - are testament to their bond still existing. Shit. Rider...
He stops, trying to form some kind of plan, but it comes back down to just: I'm her Master, I need to help her. But how can he do that now when he can't even summon enough of a fireball to light a cigarette anymore? Maybe he can undo this with another Command Spell..? He stares at the red triple tomoe (now just a double tomoe, really). Won't this only make it worse..? But this is my duty, isn't it?
(If anybody notices his weird behaviour... please stop this man. He's done enough!)]
no subject
I think... there are a lot of people who can answer that question better than I can. Others more familiar with what being a Servant entails, and how best to fix this. It would be irresponsible of either of us to wildly speculate when there are better sources of information and ideas.
If they think you need to use more command spells, or go out there and talk her down, or use any magical items, or anything else, then you should do what they suggest with as little risk to yourself as possible. I'll help however I can. I have about six more days before my next experiment is scheduled, anyway. And I can delay it if I have to.
I know that "just wait" is probably hard to hear. But it's the surest way to not make matters worse. [ And possibly the most fitting punishment. ]
That doesn't mean do nothing, though. You need to figure out what caused you to make those mistakes and then start thinking about how you might make it up to her if she doesn't have her own suggestions. You'll have to work through whatever feelings you have about the fact that she might not be able to trust you again, at least not for a while, so that you don't make it her problem.
After she's back to herself, she'll feel a lot of things. [ Saya's eyes go a bit distant. She knows a lot about this. ] Many of them will be ugly. It will be hard to watch her go through them. You'll have to let her, without trying to fix her or try to convince her that she shouldn't feel them because of what you did. You'll have to be patient. Care about her even if she tries to tell you not to, even if she wants you to do it from a distance.
I'll help with that, too. No one knows better what it's like to lose control of yourself and hurt others in a haze. If she wants to talk to me, I'll sit with her and listen. Being with those who get it helps.
Do all that, and I think she'll be able to trust you again. I would.
[ She rests her hand over his to attempt to stop his fidgeting. And gives him a soft smile. ]
And once that happens, you must be worthy of that trust. That's the hard part.
no subject
What really, truly gives him a metaphorical gut punch, however, is the small half-sentence about Saya's next hibernation-stopping experiment being less than a week away. She has that hanging over her head, and here she is, dealing with my bullshit! Granted, in the best case it may be easier for Saya to focus on someone else's problems right now than on her own, but even so, she had more than enough on her plate without him creating more issues in this world!]
...
[He'll follow Saya's advice and reflect on what led to him misjudging Medusa's feelings so egregiously, how he can make it all up to her, how he can support her as she grapples with what happened, how he can regain her trust, and how he can accept it if he fails to do so. He tries to send a warm impulse through her hands as a small sign of gratitude, but he doesn't even have enough mana left for that. He's all out, reduced to a truly normal human, and he feels exhausted.]
Saya, thanks. Your experience... I'm sure it'll help my Rider.
[It absolutely sucks that Saya knows what it's like to lose control of herself and become a menace to public safety, but part of him can't help but feel grateful that Medusa won't have to feel alone in that experience.]