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- !event,
- attack on titan: gabi braun,
- attack on titan: hange zoe,
- attack on titan: historia reiss,
- attack on titan: jean kirstein,
- attack on titan: levi ackerman,
- attack on titan: reiner braun,
- d4dj: rinku aimoto,
- end roll: kantera,
- everhood: purple mage,
- fate grand order: oryou,
- fire emblem engage: alcryst,
- genshin impact: aether,
- genshin impact: kamisato ayaka,
- genshin impact: tartaglia,
- gintama: hijikata toshirou,
- honkai star rail: caelus,
- my hero academia: midoriya izuku,
- original: chipp,
- original: evangeline,
- original: nenonen,
- original: noah leclair,
- original: shigeru miyata,
- tales of vesperia: judith,
- tales of vesperia: yuri lowell,
- trails into the sky: estelle bright,
- witch hat atelier: qifrey
Event #3: Can't Defeat the Temple


Can't Defeat the Temple
LOGS | NETWORK | OOC | MEMES | NAVIGATION
A new message appears on everyone's smartphones. There's been a change in the Temple of Life: the door has finally opened! No one knows how or why, but the sensors left by quest goers alerted them to it suddenly being open. Preparations are made in each guild to finally explore what's inside it.
Those interested in helping are greeted by researchers in the guilds that will provide everyone with one single use item: Escape Rope: an item they found out about while investigating the temple. Should the Temple really prove to be a place "no one can return from" they should be able to use this rope to escape. It should teleport the person using it (just one) outside of the place they're in (can only be used indoors). Of course the rope can be saved for later use if it becomes unnecessary. Everyone also gets basic climbing and survival items, just in case. They have no idea what to expect inside, but better safe than sorry, right?
The new Teleport Crystal system will get you to the Temple of Life in a minute, but no one is forbidden to use a longer route if they want to travel rather than take the easy route. Once they get to the Temple (the teleport stones take them to the surroundings of the fountain in the courtyard) they will notice a lot of natives collecting various tropical fruits as the area is safe and the fruit are nice and nutritious. Anyone eating a fruit will notice a boost in stamina, too.
All that's left now is to climb the stairs and enter the Temple of Life.
Inside the Temple of Life is a "lobby". It's actually just an empty room made with the same stone as the temple, but it has four different doors, each with a different symbol: lightning strike, snowflake, fire and a hurricane of sand.
Characters inside will notice that the door they walked in from is now gone (of course) and they may feel different as the temple has stripped them off of all their powers, including Seasonal ones. Instead they may feel like they're lighter (their jumping ability has increased to triple their normal one) and that they have three holographic hearts on top of their heads.
There's a holographic display near the doors and a shelf for laser guns. The display says the following:
This is the Gigaman simulator. Welcome, players. Each of you have been given three extra lives. Once all of your total of four lives have been used inside the levels you will get a Game Over. For native participants this unfortunately means you Die.
However, otherworlders! You are in luck. If you die four times inside the simulator you will be thrown out of the simulator, into the courtyard of the temple and you can try again! Dying is painless. Getting hit, unfortunately, is not. You have ten regular hits before you lose a life. Your lives are indicated by the hearts on top of your heads.
Things that will instantly kill you include: lava, falling into an endless pit and spikes.
Please take a laser gun and enter the level. You may bring any other items as well, but your powers will be gone and so will the special effects of the items. Except for the legendary "Escape Rope". That is something that can bypass our system. Keep the rope at hand if you get scared. If you lose your other items inside the levels, do not worry, they will appear outside. However, if you lose your laser gun it will reappear next to you.
Oh and you may keep the laser gun afterwards.
The question is: cAN yOu deFEAt [redacted]?
Well, the choice is yours. Do you enter one of the doors or use the escape rope to get out of the temple?
All of the levels start with a normal room of just the environment of the level. But there, in the starting point of the place, there are natives of Ellipsa sitting around with a look of defeat and desperation on their faces. They're physically fine as the simulator grants you the ability to just ignore hunger and other basic needs, but they're also stuck here. It seems the simulator is just too hard for them to get past. Most of them have no holographic hearts over their head or just one: they're close to dying and don't want to take the risk.
Escape ropes are their only hope of getting out of the place and they promise anything if you give them the item and help them escape.
If you give away your Escape Rope, the only way to leave is to either Game Over or Finish the Level. Good luck, players.
(There are also some natives in various other parts of the game, too scared to go further or go back. They can also be saved by taking them with you to the end and defeating the boss monster together but if they die, they die, so there is a risk in that method.)
The Levels [ Click to Expand ]
All basic monsters and boss monsters are weak to the laser gun. Some can even be jumped on to decrease their health.
Electricity
Design: A factory with plenty of platforms and conveyor belts over bottomless pits (or spikes) that change directions occasionally. The main hazard of the level is the beams of electricity that will damage players. They can be switched around with buttons, but deactivating one beam will activate another.
Instant Deaths: Bottomless Pits, Spikes
Basic Monsters: Ufo Catcher (a claw with googly eyes that will try to drop characters into a pit or spikes), Small Robot (small robots that throw wrenches at players), Slinky (slinkys with googly eyes that won't stop for anything)
Final Boss: Squirmle: A slinky minion mass-producing machine (looks like one of those Worms on String with googly eyes, but mechanical). Occasionally fires electric shocks that stun players for 5 seconds while the minions attack them. Weak to Smokescreen as the sand jams its machinery and makes it temporarily lose the ability to produce minions.
Boss Loot: Laser Gun Upgrade: Electric Shock (damages and has a chance to stun the opponent)
Snowflake
Design: A snowy mountain cave with active waterfalls. The ground is slippery (ice physics!) and some of the platforms have a limit as to how many times you can jump/walk on them (they reappear after a time). Occasionally, while on a normal platform, a strong stream of water will fall on it, intending to push players into a bottomless pit (it can be predicted by a few drops of water before it).
Instant Deaths: Bottomless pits
Basic Monsters: Snowmen (throw very sharp carrots at players), Skeletal Fish (fish that appear from the waterfalls and spit out lasers), Yeti (a monster that will try to stomp on players)
Final Boss: Frosty: A bipedal monster made of spiky ice (doesn't have a distinct form to refer to, just looks like a giant block of animated ice) that breathes a frosty breathe that both damages and makes players go slower. Tries to stomp players by jumping high in the air. Weak to Fire Bullets, as they will melt it little by little.
Boss Loot: Laser Gun Upgrade: Ice Beam (damages and has a chance to slow down an opponent)
Flame
Design: Inside of a volcano where all bottomless pits are lava pits. Platforms are mostly normal, until a notorious section where the only way to get over a lava pit is to jump on disappearing blocks. Learn the pattern and follow it. Occasionally lava rocks will fall from the ceiling (but luckily not during the disappearing block section).
Instant Deaths: Lava
Basic Monsters: Demonic Fireballs (fireballs that jump around from spot a to spot b and hurt a lot when they hit), Lava Bomb (occasional lava rock with googly eyes that can move towards players like a homing missile), Fireman robot (a robot that will try to douse fires with scorching hot water).
Final Boss: Lavadoom: A volcano headed monster (a volcano with eyes, mouth, arms and legs) that shoots fire bullets and lava rocks at players. Occasionally makes part of the floor be literal lava that burns players health little by little. Weak to Electric Shock as it will stun the monster for long enough to turn off the volcano on its head and then you can jump on it.
Boss Loot: Laser Gun Upgrade: Fire Bullets (damages and has a chance to cause burn damage over time)
Sandstorm
Design: A desert area full of bottomless pits and rocks with spikes. The floor is mostly quicksand that can only be crossed if you stay constantly in movement. Late in the level massive sandstorms will block players' view and push them towards the pits and spiked rocks, making movement during it very dangerous.
Instant Deaths: Bottomless Pits, Spikes
Basic Monsters: Walking Cacti (cactus that shoot spikes at players), Angry Missiles (ride the sandstorms and try to hit players), Sandworms (appear from the sand and try to bite the player)
Final Boss: Hurrisand: A bipedal sand monster (looks a bit like a it could be a human, but at the same time has animal features, not to be mixed with a certain Looney Tunes character) that will turn into a literal sandy hurricane that makes it hard to see anything and makes bullets miss. Weak to Ice Beam because it slows it down so that it can't turn into a hurricane.
Boss Loot: Laser Gun Upgrade: Smokescreen (enables easier escape from situations)
You're free to challenge all of the levels and gain all of the upgrades to the laser gun, which you can then use outside the temple as a weapon. Even after all of the natives are rescued or all of the levels have been beaten, you can re-enter the levels and do them again. You won't get the boss loot again, however.
Back in the city, the weather is strangely cold in every district (except the central one that's safe due to the artificial weather there). Even the hottest of them, Solarpeak, is advising people to wear long-sleeved shirts, just in case, even if the temperature only drops to +10 Celsius/50 degrees Fahrenheit at worst.
The reason for the unexpectedly cold weather is simple: a cold breeze travels through the whole city. Sometimes the wind even appears white, as if it's laced with snow and ice. It's easy to tell that this is not a normal sort of wind, but a very magical one.
The wind indeed has a special effect: there's a chance of the wind freezing someone's heart. This doesn't instantly kill anyone, but instead it starts to freeze people from inside out. This effect especially targets people who either have secrets or have feelings that they hide. The freezing is a slow and painful process, taking two weeks to completely encase someone in ice. Once that happen they will end up breaking into pieces and die.
Somehow this wind doesn't affect the plant life or animals at all.
Scientists are quick at work to work on a cure. They have found that there are certain ingredients in all four of the Segments that when mixed together into a potion will undo a frozen heart. So, to help those affected, there are some options that you can do.
Stay in the City to take care of the affected. The key to healing a frozen heart is not only the potion that they will make but also affection. So those brave enough to touch someone who feels cold as ice to touch are encouraged to hug and cuddle, tell them positive things about them and making sure they're comfortable. This will ease the pain and slow the spreading down.
Head to one of the Segments to find the ingredients. The guilds are helping with the preparations to go outside and providing anyone interested clear instructions and maps on where to find them:
• Winter Segment: Bottom of the Unfrozen Lake, a coral that can survive in cold temperatures
• Spring Segment: Breeze Hills, the eggs of a monstrous Firebird (a bird that has wings made of fire that spits out fireballs, not to be confused with a phoenix)
• Summer Segment: Deserter's Desert, a special cactus flower that only blooms during a sandstorm
• Autumn Segment: Mushroom Sanctuary, a special mushroom that only grows on top of the mushrooms that are a size of a house
Once all the necessary ingredients have been found and delivered, people can also participate in potion making. The more people helping with making potions, the quicker everyone affected can get their potions and be cured. The potion is successful if it smell like a warm fireplace during a winter night.
The VR Arcade of the Underground is holding a special event: they have managed to come up with a technology where you can minimize yourself and enter board games! They're looking for volunteers to test this new way of gaming.
For example, there are games like Jenga, Monopoly, Chess, Hungry Hungry Hippo, Checkers, Scrabble and many, many more! The games are made to fit the tiny people, but are also very realistic. Oh and Monopoly has an actual jail, but the money is as fake as can be.
It seems Jenga in particular is at its regular size and people will have to climb to push pieces out. That definitely seems like a fun challenge? Everyone gets a safety rope that's attached to poles around the Jenga towers, that will act as sort of a safety bungee jump rope.
Usually the minimized effect wears off once you end the game and leave the game board, but occasionally the technology glitches and leaves players small. The unexpected side effect wears off between 2 to 12 hours.
Anyone who did participate in the experiment will either get a month of free VR gaming time or a handheld gaming console with classic 8-bit games like Tetris.
Those stuck in a tiny form longer than expected may discover jumping platforms to the fairy mall. It's located in the ceiling of the Underground Mall and is fit for small people like fairies. Here the fairies are all visible as they go about shopping and relaxing. They're all friendly and will make sure you have a lovely time relaxing in this small fairy oasis. Be warned, however, that the food here is strictly for fairies so if you eat it, you might end up sprouting fairy wings for a week. And not necessarily on your back.
Don't worry, you can't turn back to your regular size in the middle of the fairy mall. The magic there prevents that for the duration. Once you return by jumping onto one of the cushions left below the mall, you will return to regular size.
For souvenirs, why not buy a little bit of fairy dust? It's useful for potions, as it gives them stronger magical capabilities but used as is will make anyone be able to fly for 24 hours. The problem is you cannot use it on yourself or else it will horribly backfire and turn you into a talking frog for 24 hours.
• Ask event related questions here.
• Smut is not allowed on the event post, so if your thread is heading that way, please move it to a private entry of your own (your own entry or a new locked post on the comms).
• Remember to content and spoiler warn as necessary!
• All of the prompts happen around the same time but you can get affected by the frozen wind after visiting the Temple of Life or the other way around.
• All natives will be rescued by the end of the month, but the Temple can be accessed later just for fun.
• The frozen hearts potion will be done by the end of the month as well.
Temple of Life
• More Escape ropes can be picked up from the guilds to save more natives, but there's no way to tell there's someone trapped inside until someone goes in, so they'd have to get back after the first visit.
• Smartphones do not work inside the Temple of Life.
• You are very much allowed to work together inside the temple.
• The boss door will only open once the previous group of players has defeated it and have been transported out of the Temple. Then the boss will respawn.
• No one will have basic human needs inside the temple. It's basically a simulator so it doesn't matter how long you spend in there. Once you get out you might need to refuel on touch energy and food as soon as possible, but other than that all one needs to worry is surviving the temple.
• We admit the inspiration for this came from "I can't defeat Airman" without shame.
Frozen Hearts
• The event can affect anyone, not just those with secrets and hidden feelings.
• At the same time, the event can completely miss people as well.
• Samples of the wind can be collected and analyzed but it will turn out as a classic "it's magic" explanation.
• Reminder that this month is Activity Check-in month and check-in ends on July 31st, at 23:59 PST.
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Luckily he didn't bring his huge camping backpack with him since the travel time is short enough for them to make it back in a day, give or take, so he shouldn't be too cumbersome to hold for her - or so he hopes, at least. In any case he's gotten so used to being carried by women who are stronger than him (those Servants are powerhouses in their own right!) that he simply holds on to Saya without being awkward about it. As she carries him through the air he tries to look out for the firebird in the distance, but only spots a few gravity goats and a winged horse.]
I'm going to assume that you didn't tame yourself a mount, given that you can fly yourself?
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Animals are afraid of me. I have a motorcycle inherited from someone I loved, but it's not much good off the pavement. Lots of fun to race, though. [ Of course she races bikes, this should not be shocking. ]
There's something big in the distance. It's making a ton of noise. [ Human ears won't be able to hear anything yet. ] Quick heartbeat for something so huge, but if it is a firebird that makes sense. Making that much heat takes a lot of work.
Once we get closer I'll probably have to fly lower, get some cover to mask our approach.
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What she says about the mounts checks out, and it reminds Hijikata of his mount-hunting adventure with Nikkolaus. The boy wasn't exactly forthcoming about what makes him a 'predator', and to Hijikata he just looked like a guy - but the winged animals did shy away from him for the most part. Surely Saya would struggle all the more to find one strong enough to trust her. (He, meanwhile, still wonders how he ended up with the most docile bull imaginable!)
At her comments regarding the firebird he perks up. Much as he looks around, he can't see anything! But it figures that her senses are this sharp.]
For the record, what's the game plan again? Will you just kick its ass while I grab the eggs? Or should we come up with something a little more refined?
[He isn't exactly a sophisticated man, but just to make sure!]
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[ There are two tactical advantages to this position: first, aerodynamics. They're going quite fast and this way the wind won't pound at him so, and his eyes won't get as dry. Second, from a distance it looks like one creature flying toward the firebird, not two. And that's important because she does have a plan, sort of similar to what he suggested: ]
Birds are protective of their eggs. If it thinks I'm the only thing around, it won't be paying as much attention when you sneak up to the nest. I was thinking I'd lets you off on the ground, then swoop down on it from above, distract it. That's my strongest fighting position in the air. Think of the way eagles and hawks hunt.
How's your climbing? Do you need some spikes to help with leverage? [ She is carrying no such thing. Wanna see another surprise? ]
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Sounds good, but what would I need to climb? The hills are nothing to me, and as for the nest, I'm used to those.
[That may be a bit of an understatement, given that his only experience with giant bird nests comes from that one time a toucan-you-not kidnapped him in the Rain Jungle, but he sure is confident in his abilities!]
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If the thing does nest just in the middle of the ground in an easy place to get to, that's probably a bad sign. Only the most dangerous predators stay in the open like that.
[ Being an apex predator herself, Saya knows something about this. Even though her species' "eggs" are too hard for even a saw or blowtorch to break, they still don't leave them just anywhere. ]
Plus, if that's the case, it'll definitely see you coming.
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In the end they spot the bird before the nest. With it's fiery wings it's hard to overlook as it swoops down on a flock of fabric sheep, catching one of them in its huge claws.]
I guess now it'll eat first, with no young to feed yet... can you locate the nest anywhere?
[There are shrubs and low, wind-bent trees scattered across the hills, but his eyes are not as sharp as Saya's. If she can spot it they may just get right to the egg theft! In case the parent bird arrives she can still fend it off.]
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Over there. Maybe we can just do a fly-by and you can snag the egg with telekinesis...?
[ That plan is immediately foiled when the firebird glares at them and screeches, leaving her meal where it fell. Apparently she'll get back to lunch after it kills whatever dares encroach on her nest. ]
[ Saya curls one wing so that it hides Hijikata from the firebird's view, then quickly dives toward another patch of shrubs. She "speaks" to Hijikata with telepathy, as she did with her doppelganger, so the firebird won't realize there's two of them. ]
< Hop off here, and stay hidden until I lure her away. Then grab the egg and call out to me with your mind when you're ready for me to pick you up. With any luck, she won't know you're there. >
[ Long before she's finished talking, Saya takes off flying again at her top speed, veering close to the nest to make it look like she's going for the eggs and to get the firebird's attention, then shooting straight up and swooping down on the firebird from above, deftly dodging fireballs as the firebird shrieks at her. Aiming to keep the bird looking skyward and not at the ground. ]
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< Got it! >
[He lets himself fall, landing safely in the thick short grass and staying where he is for a moment. He hears the whooshing sound as Saya shoots through the air above him, then the familiar noises of fireballs being let loose... when the sounds seems to move in a different direction, what with Saya making the firebird look the other way in the sky, he quickly gets up and runs to the nest, keeping his upper body low and horizontal for some additional cover.
The winds are strong, almost pushing him back physically as the gets near the cliff, and after struggling against the gale for a few moments he does resort to his telekinesis to pull one egg into his arms through the air. Damn, these things are huge! He considers taking another one regardless, but he hears the mother bird's screech get a bit closer again, so he cuts his losses and seeks cover well away from the nest.]
< I've got one! >
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< On my way. Give me a second to lose her. >
[ Saya focuses her telekinesis on one of the firebird's wings, not to hurt her but just to put her off balance, nothing she can't recover from. Giving a mental shove, the firebird goes into a spin that should disorient her just enough, and Saya takes off for Hijikata at top speed. ]
[ She's got a few little singe marks, but is no worse for wear when she reaches Hijikata and slow down enough to scoop him up. ]
Nice. Let's get out of here, shall we?
[ She puts them in the same flying position, with her back facing the ground and him resting on top of her, and turns on her high speed until the firebird is out of sight. ]
Wow, that thing's huge! I hope it makes a bunch of doses.
[ She can't really smile at him very effectively like this, so she gives him a gentle squeeze. ]
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It should! The potions team will make big eyes when we deliver this.
[He's never been much into potions, not even on Avalon, so he'll leave that part to the experts!]
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[ She's been under, oh, all the stress imaginable. A fight would be nice, but not like that. ]
Hopefully she won't lose her entire nest before we fix everyone.
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[She's not wrong, though - it isn't the firebird's fault that its eggs are part of the cure.]
Perhaps there'll be an egg or two left, but even if this breeding season is a bust, next year we hopefully won't need any!
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I don't know. It feels bad in a way gathering a big mushroom wouldn't.
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I get it. This egg could've been the bird's kid.
[Saya herself had two little nieces who likewise hatched from "eggs", isn't that right?]
But it's the circle of life. Maybe if we hadn't gotten it, some egg-eating creature would've. Thanks to it a bunch of people on our end will survive.
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I don't regret taking it. Saving our people will be worth it. I just wish we didn't have to. I'm very familiar with the calculus of sacrifices that need to be made for the greater good, but I'll never like it.
[ That bit of warmth does surprise her a little, and it makes her smile. ]
My, how forward. Good thing I'm not easily distracted. [ She has to have some fun, okay? ]
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I wasn't-- look, I have to hold on to this egg--!
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[ He sure walked into this one: ]
Dare I ask what you'd do if you had a hand free?
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Of course her retort makes him sputter.]
Nothing!! I just-- look, you're carrying me and the egg, and it's windy up here; I just wanted to give you a boost!
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Relax. I'm only joking around. If you're not interested, or want me to stop teasing, that's all you have to say.
And even if you are, I do have some sense of timing. I'm pretty eager for distractions lately for obvious reasons, but I wouldn't risk the egg I didn't love the idea of swiping in the first place.
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I... I know. Sorry, I'm...
[Prudish. Uptight. Repressed.]
Not good at this.
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[ She gives him another squeeze. Just comfort and nothing suggestive. ]
You don't have to be. We have nothing but travel time until we get back to the portal. You could try being honest.
I certainly hope I haven't given you any reason to think I'm going to lose it on you if you say something other than what I want to hear -- I don't really have anything I want to hear, anyway. You're my friend, I like you, and for me touch is a way I get close to people, but it's not mandatory or anything. [ She has plenty of friends who she doesn't take to bed... a few, at least! It's not a big deal to her, but if it is to him then of course she'll respect it. ]
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I... I can't take responsibility. I have to go home, eventually.
[And back home in Edo he dedicated himself to the Shinsengumi. As its Vice-Commander he can't have a wife or lover; that person would be right in the enemies' crosshairs. He remembers how harshly he rejected the first woman he loved, hoping she'd quickly forget him (she didn't).]
Now, I know you don't care about that. But even here...
[He struggles for words for a very long moment. He did sleep with two people here: Eren, when they both got affected by the pollen in the Creature-Nip Meadow, and Medusa, who suggested the tea-testing quest after he complained that it paid a lot better than the quest that nearly got them both killed by wyverns. (He's substracting his fooling around with Rosen, because Rosen did dedicate himself to Saya afterwards.) There were no negative consequences... so far. He does feel more responsible for them now, despite not being in a relationship with either.
Had it been Saya in the meadow, he would have gone with her like he went with Eren. Had it been Saya who suggested the tea-testing quest instead of Medusa, he might have declined. He wonders why, but it always comes down to the same thing, doesn't it? If he has to make a clear-headed decision, he'll usually decline. In Medusa's case, their Master-Servant bond and the mana exchange offered a good enough excuse... but would he not also have been able to make the same case for Saya, especially if he had let her drink his blood on the occasion?
Perhaps he simply feels superfluous in Saya's life. She already has many lovers. But Hijikata's other lovers here so far are far from lonely; he knows that each has at least a couple of other admirers. Maybe the problem is Hijikata. Maybe he doesn't want to share his lover with so many other people. With his lack of ability for make a bond for life he certainly isn't demanding exclusivity, but he does care about feeling like he's somehow special to the other person. Isn't it damn unfair to think she wouldn't feel that way? She cares about everyone in her life, a lot. You know that.]
...
I'm sorry. I don't know.
[He thought, once upon a time, that casual sex would be easy for a man like him, but it really, really isn't.]
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Okay first of all, you have nothing to be sorry about. [ It's fine for him to think and feel differently about physical intimacy than she does, if that's what he's saying. (And he's being clear as mud here so who can blame her for being not entirely sure.) ]
Who says I don't care about you going home? I care about that. And I care about what you want for your life here for however long you have it. I want for you what you want for yourself.
[ Doesn't everyone want that for their friends? ]
Maybe I'm too casual, I don't know. Where I was last, we were getting tortured every day. Being close physically was... comforting. Uncomplicated in a way that nothing else really was. It's the same thing I love about fighting, really, or flying, or going riding. To just be with someone and not be worried about all the rest of it, for a little while.
It's how I know best to care about someone.
[ She wants to say more but it feels self-indulgent. Things about how the partners she has became the most beloved people in her life and how she's so grateful for that, but she can feel their sadness and desperation as they feel their time with her running quickly out. How she'll soon be nothing more than a burden they have to carry and how the weight of that eats at her. How much she needs care without the responsibility right now. ]
In any case, don't be sorry. It's okay not to know. [ Whatever it is that he doesn't know which she's unclear about, but it's not like she needs more than "it's not a yes". ]
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No. No, you aren't too casual.
...
I didn't mean it that way - the part about going home. I just wanted to say that you're probably only looking at the limited time we have here, not at whatever happens afterwards.
["I know you don't care about that" was a remarkably shoddy way of putting it, one of the many times his bluntness goes so far as to twist the meaning of what he's trying to get across.
He's unsatisfied with how foggy his own reasoning is. He's always disastrously out of touch with his feelings when it comes to romance, but now he stubbornly wants to get to the bottom of it. Saya is a kind and beautiful woman; why does he shy away from embracing her as a lover so much? He imagines her in Medusa's place again, getting ready to test those tea samples with him... but his mind flashes back to Rosen instead, to how drunk and devastated he was after Saya died in the experiment. From what he and Saya herself said, Hijikata pieced together a terrible scenario.
He doesn't think he could handle it. Saya's past is already so sad, the memories are heavy even for him who only saw little snippets. He simply doesn't want to go through all the worry, anxiety and pain as she struggles to avert her hibernation the loss of all her memories. He wants to keep his heart as light as it is right now. Somehow, it feels heavy enough already.
So that's it, then: His self-interest is holding him back, and the knowledge of that will hold him back in the future, because how could he take her hand only once the hardship is over? It'd be cowardly. He doesn't want to do that.]
...
I think I just don't have what it takes, Saya. I don't have a strong enough heart.
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