seasonsrpg | semi-open 💐 I had to fall to lose it all

But I'm not going to be good company. [ he counters for all the good it's going to do. he knows alhaitham isn't going to let him bury himself in all of this negativity, but he's on such a steep downward spiral that it's difficult to think anything else. ] I can't keep my thoughts straight. What am I even supposed to talk about... [ normal things, probably, anything but what he experienced in the mansion. ]

[ part of him knows he shouldn't keep it bottled up, but another part of him doesn't want to share any of what he experienced. it was bad enough ayato had to see it. ]

...thank you. [ hopefully having alhaitham ground him in some normalcy will help him recover quicker. ]

You're not there for them, not right now. They're there for you.

[ Honestly Kaveh, why are you always like that... ]

[ Because it's Kaveh. ]

Just like I'll be there for you.

...alright. [ he tells himself that alhaitham's right. over and over and over, in a desperate attempt to hammer it in, but he's having trouble accepting it. he still feels like he's responsible for what happened and that he's going to be responsible for hosting his friends if they decide to come over. he needs to wear a mask, to pretend he's alright, to just... march forward as he's always done, because there is no other way... ]

Alhaitham... [ he drags his hands down his front, ] It, It was awful... [ he screws his eyes shut tightly. ] And it still hurts.

[ He would have noticed if there'd be something blatantly physically wrong with Kaveh, so he can safely assume it's the psychological scars on Kaveh that are lingering... and likely will linger for some time. Tighnari will inevitably be able to assist more than he would from an emotional outlet side, but that didn't mean Alhaitham wouldn't do what he could for his lover. ]

Focus on me, Kaveh. My hand on your back, and yours on me.

[ just as his thoughts start to wander alhaitham wrangles them back, telling kaveh to focus on him. he manages for a couple of moments, but he feels to scatterbrained to concentrate for more than that. ] ...on you, Alhaitham. I'm trying to focus on you. [ he continues to talk himself through what he's meant to do, because that helps give him the direction he needs. ] I'm not sure I want to think about our hands... that thing had so many... all of them reaching and grabbing... [ he shakes his head. ]

[ he manages to avoid having anymore outbursts on the way home, eventually squirming his way out of alhaitham's arms to make the last couple of steps through the threshold on his own. ] Thanks, Alhaitham. [ he looks like he wants to walk off in a thousand different direction, but he settles on toward alhaitham to peck his cheek before heading toward their bedroom. ] I'm going to go draw a bath. I think I want to just soak for a little while.

[ If Kaveh had tried to run, he'd be grabbing him and hoisting him over his shoulder, so there's some relief that the man decides to stay. Even though he hardly looks any better even with being home. ]

Let me know ifyou need anything then. I'll make tea.

Alright. I'll be out in a little bit. Maybe then I can just... sit with you. While you read or something. I don't really know what I want to do otherwise. [ he doesn't think he'll be able to focus enough to draw. the same goes for reading. he just really wants to be near alhaitham. perhaps listening to the steady beating of his heart will be enough to lull him to sleep. ]

[ kaveh hesitates in the doorway of their bedroom. he knows this is probably a bad idea, but he'll put it out there and let alhaitham make the call. ] Do you think you could... spike my tea... [ he doesn't look bad at him. he feels a touch ashamed for having asked, but then he just disappears into the bedroom, shutting the door and heading into the bathroom to draw himself a bath. ]

[ he draws himself a lukewarm bath, because he's not sure he could deal with the water if it was any kind of hot right now. it's not the most pleasant thing in the world, but it's fine. he just wants to scrub himself of all the flower gunk. maybe if he washes himself hard enough he'll erase the memories associated with the mansion... but no such luck. ]

[ eventually he returns in a pair of baggy pants and one of alhaitham's shirts, his hair thrown up in a messy wet ponytail. kaveh wanders over to wherever alhaitham is, so he can wrap his arms around him from the side and just cling to him. ]

[ Alhaitham watches him go with a critical eye, not moving until the man disappears into the bathroom safely. He'd been tempted to tell the man to leave the bathroom door open, but decided against it to give Kaveh what breathing room he might be in need of. ]

[ His headphones are taken off and set aside, to more easily listen for any potentially concerning bathroom noises as he starts the process of preparing tea and preparing a soup stock. Given the architect's state, he doubts he'll be in the mood to eat anything tonight, so preparing for tomorrow when he'll need to make sure Kaveh eats something to recover his healthy is as much as he can do there. ]

[ When Kaveh makes his way back to Alhaitham, he'll find him at the stove, the pot of tea brewing nearby and a glass of wine next to it. The scribe will turn his head when he finds his new attachment, pressing a kiss over that damp head. ]

The wine goes well with this particular tea, so drink both.

[ kaveh slips his arms around alhaitham's waist and buries his face in his back, taking in his warmth and his scent and letting that overwhelm him until he's feeling at ease. he lifts his head just a little bit, to peer over his shoulder to what he's preparing at the stove. ] I'll drink both. [ he takes a small step to the side, but not enough to dislodge him. kaveh reaches for the cup of wine first, bringing it close enough to sip at as he watches alhaitham work. ]

If you need me to move at any time, then all you need to do is say so. I know this might become a problem at some point, but for as long as it's not, then... this is where I want to stay. [ his hand starts to shake, so he tightens his grip on the neck of the wine glass to try to get it to stop. ] Do, do you need any help?

No, it's about ready to simmer for the night.

[ He moves his free hand to rest over Kaveh's wrapped around him, gently stroking over it as he takes a testing sip of the broth. ]

This is fine. We can go read on the couch in a few minutes.

...alright. [ kaveh murmurs, giving alhaitham a chance to finish up in the kitchen. as soon as he finishes he tugs him along to the living room, giving him a subtle little push onto the couch, so he can lay down on top of him and hide his face against his plush chest. he shuts his eyes, which immediately grow wet. he doesn't want alhaitham to see him cry again. ] I want to talk about what happened. [ it's muffled, but firm. ] I know if I don't do it now, then I... I might not ever do it, and it'll eat away at me forever, ... [ something it's already started to do. ] I should, right, ...tell somebody... and that somebody should be you...

[ Alhaitham isn't a dead fish for once, actively walking with Kaveh instead of being half-dragged over to the couch. There isn't even a protest when Kaveh flops himself down right on top of him, instead bringing up his arm to hook loosely over Kaveh's waist. ]

At your own pace then. I'll listen.

I... I think it hurts more, because of how excited I had been. If we could set up more teleporters, Alhaitham, then traveling throughout this world would be all the more convenient. I... still think it's a great idea, but... [ he's hesitant to be a part of it. ] We had to make sure the mansion was safe. [ he tenses, hand tugging at the fabric of his shirt. ] That's all. That's... all...

I didn't think much of it. I went to a mansion with Tighnari and we even went to a mansion... a bunch of ghosts were all that was inside, and the worst of it was them playing tricks on us... [ he gives a laugh, one that's he's definitely trying to hide behind. ]

Six doors, Alhaitham, and I picked the wrong one...

[ he'll feel his shirt start to grow damp. ] M- My luck... why is my luck just... abyssal...

[ His other hand finds its way over Kaveh's back, stroking over the spot soothingly. ]

Was there no prior warnings or required cautions to be taken with this mansion?

No. Nothing. And I'm almost certain other people had gone there before too. For what, I'm not sure, but... they didn't encounter the thing we did. Other things, maybe, but... [ he trails off, going quiet for a few minutes. ] It makes me wonder if even they knew that thing was inside. Hiding.

[ He considers as much as he knows, sure that there's details he's missing, but all the same... ]

... If you were tasked with inspecting the entire building, you likely would have found it eventually.

...yeah, th- that's true, especially since we would have wanted to make sure it was completely safe. A teleporter was going to be put beside, and I can't even begin to imagine how bad I would feel had we given it our seal of approval only to have somebody else meet that fate.

[ Alhaitham's hand trails up to loosely tangle in the edges of Kaveh's hair, hesitant at first as he continues to carefully gauge his reactions. ]

You found a catastrophic event and contained it.

...yes. We came to the realization that we couldn't let that thing get out.

Did you have a set amount of time to make that decision?

Not really. We found it, assessed it as best as we could, tried to fight it, tried to fight it using different tactics, ...and then sent it crashing from the second to the first floor of the mansion. I think that's when we realized that that was it. It kept growing and growing... filling any and all space it could reach. If it got out, then... it could very well swallow this entire world...

So you made the decision after that realization.

...yes. As soon as it had fallen to the first floor the resident spirits had fixed the broken windows and magically sealed the doors. I think that was honestly enough of a hint. We started trying to help barricade them further by moving things in front of them. It wasn't like we immediately jumped to that conclusion. Even the ghosts didn't want these thing escaping.

The ghosts weren't able to assist you, however?

Not escape, if that's what you're asking. I'm not sure they would have let us. I... don't really have all the answers, Alhaitham.

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject