[closed to existing CR] i have no eyes, i have no love, i have no hope

[abnormalizes]

WHO: Evangeline + friends
WHAT: Evangeline has a depressive spiral and withdraws from all of her friends. This is a little bit concerning probably!
WHEN: September 1-15
WHERE: Nightwake, Amberfall
WARNINGS: Self-blame, trauma, mentioned mental damage, poor coping mechanisms in general.

[Evangeline has fucked up.

No matter what anyone says about it not being her fault - she could have warned people about Relius Clover months ago, if she realized that anyone would actually care that he wanted to make weapons out of people's souls. But she didn't think twice about it. And Wukong died! MK was brainwashed and forced to fight against his loved ones! MK's loved ones had to dive inside his soul to fix him and fight a split personality who had the opportunity to take over and none of this would have happened if she had just said something.

And Porty - she saw the state he was in in his heart. She remembers the way people spoke to her about what her white damage weapon did, about the possibility of lasting side effects. And she hadn't even hesitated to use that on him - had brought it to use on Dick or Gorgon before if she couldn't pacify them with words, people she cared about - and he forgave her for attacking his mind. How much of that forgiveness is because she damaged his self-worth? There's no way to possibly know, is there?

She's known she has issues. She's known her world damaged her in ways that may never heal even outside of it. But the way she views the world, the things she thinks are normal and expected, are hurting other people. People she cares about.

She has to do something, or this will just happen again.]

[A]
[Evangeline is normally a very social person. In particular, she messages her friends often. Booty calls are on the list, yes, but even with platonic friends, she often texts them pictures of funny T-shirts that made her think of them, or just talks about her day and asks how things are going for them.

At the start of September, that stops abruptly. No outgoing messages whatsoever.

If you're looking to get a hold of her, you have a few options. She'll still respond to messages sent to her - she knows that full-on ghosting people will just make them worried about her, and that isn't what she wants. She still shows up to work at the Research Center, even if she takes her lunches by herself in her office instead of with Turo and Clavell, and she still does her work for Jinwoo. She still gives Rinku combat lessons, even if she barely talks outside of instructions. And sometimes she's at home, even if she stays mostly in her room and doesn't cuddle Julie-Su anymore.]

[B]
[Evangeline is usually found in lots of places around the city, but at the moment, when she's not at work or at home, she's universally in the Amberfall Library, looking at books on laws.

She has an entire table to herself, with stacks of books containing every law in Ellipsa she was able to find, and she's dutifully copying each one down in a notebook.]

'A thirty-three percent tax shall be levied and collected by the state on all gross casino revenue received by each casino operator of these facilities.' I can probably just remember that casinos have to pay taxes? It's probably not going to be important how much...

[Mumbling to herself as she works. She has bags under her eyes; it's hard to tell how long she's been at this.]

[C]
[Tragically, Evangeline can't get to her jobs or to the library without walking there, and when walking out on the street, one sometimes sees other people out there.

Those who know Evangeline spotting her out on the street will see panic flash across her face as she spots you - followed by her lowering her head and trying very hard to pretend that if she can't see you, you can't see her. She considers outright running but even she knows that's a concerning sign.

Don't call out to her, don't stop her, don't ask her where she's been, you'll be better off just leaving her alone-]

Comments

a

[roundandaround]

[Things have been... weird since the end of last month, and not in the fun way. Rinku went off to investigate the Nightshade and ended up mind-controlled, and hurt Frieda when she broke her out of it, even if Frieda healed herself right after. Shortly after and in quick chronological order, people started to disappear, some creepy guy Rinku thought she'd seen at the Research Centre boasted about breaking MK's soul and brainwashing him, most of her friends ran into action as she stood helplessly by fighting with herself about not wanting to go in outclassed again versus not wanting to keep standing idle and let everyone else do all the work anymore, she couldn't even go in and help with recovery, and apparently that didn't go smoothly either. Also Ellipsa turned out to have its own Hell with an access point in the Segments, which definitely isn't setting off any idol-themed-trauma-game-CRAU-related irrational fears!

And now?

Ever since then, Evangeline's been... distant. Rinku hasn't even been able to reach her outside of their training sessions, and she's not as social, not talking much, not responding to shows of affection. Rinku tried brushing it off at first, just smiling and hoping things would go back to good, but the days keep going the same way.

She has to do something. So, as Evangeline turns to leave after another training session, Rinku calls out with the first thing she can think of.]

Don't go to the moon, Neechan!

[abnormalizes]

[Well. That works in that it comes as such a non sequitur that Evangeline has to stop and turn back to look at Rinku, no matter how determined she's been to put distance between them.]

Sorry, what? The moon...?

[roundandaround]

[Rinku hesitates. Her face goes a little red, and she shakes her head. She latches onto Evangeline's wrist.]

I mean... I'm worried about you. Did you... [gulp] Did something bad happen? Recently? I mean, a lot of stuff did, but you're different.

[Rinku's theory is more along the lines of "Eva lost her feelings or urge for attachment to a curse or gave them up in someone else's heart game," but.]

[houndofmanchester]

[After a few days of near radio silence, Barghest decides it's time to take things into her own hands. Which is why Evangeline will soon be faced with a concerned Black Dog materializing in a shower of golden sparks on her way back from work.]

Master, I think we need to talk for a while. Please do not resist.

[abnormalizes]

[-Shit.]

Oh, um, hey? Wh-what's up.

[houndofmanchester]

You've been avoiding me. According to what I've heard, you've been avoiding everyone. I wish to know why, so I may determine if you are somehow justified in doing so.

B

[luckynumber13]

Unfortunately for Evangeline Dick also spent a lot of time in the library. It was even where he first met Relius although that's the last person he wants to think about.

Except that is exactly why he's also in the law section. He's hoping to find out just how strong the Jails are here but his ear twiches when he picks up Evangeline's voice an aisle or two away.

"Huh?" It didn't take long for Dick to track her down. "Evangeline? Why are you looking up tax laws of all things?"

[abnormalizes]

"Oh! Dick!" Evangeline's voice rises in alarm, before she lowers it again (they are in a library. "It's, uh, not tax laws specifically? I just want to know every law here."

[luckynumber13]

"You want to know all the laws?" Dick's ear twiched as he fought the urge to tilt his head. "Is this some kind of project to help new arrivals?"

In hindsight he could have done with something like that.

A-ish

[snekeyes]

[Of the two of them, Rider was usually the more reclusive due to her introverted nature- but she loved receiving Evangeline’s messages all the same. They made her smile, even if she was a little slow to reply.

It was unusual, then, that Evangeline was the one who had scarcely been messaging her. And when she scrolled through her message history, it was with some trepidation that she realised it had been a few days now since Evangeline had sent a message… and the last message Rider got had seemed unusually brief. Not strange on its own, but combined with the radio silence, it painted a worrying picture.

Instead of messaging herself- Evangeline would hate it if she was worrying needlessly- she began to look around the city.

Was she safe…? And if so, what else had happened…?

By the time evening came, Rider found herself near the Research Center and- ah!]

…Evangeline.

[abnormalizes]

-Medusa.

[She's just left work and Medusa has clearly spotted her - there's no way she can avoid talking to her right now.]

Hi.

[snekeyes]

Good evening. Is this a bad time?

[Medusa frowned a little to herself as soon as the words left her mouth.

She really was being too accommodating, even when she'd spent half the day looking for her! No, she needed to be a little more forceful this time around.]

Um. I apologise if I am concerning myself needlessly, but... What I meant to say is that you have not seemed like yourself recently.

C - Ib spoilers - I once again apologise for Mary

[ashenrose]

[Mary was sure something had changed. Messages from her friend were coming less and less these days- no, that wasn’t it- they had all but stopped. Even if she still got replies to her’s, it was different!

She had to find out what was going on. Now. And she only wished she had the tattle-tale painting here, too. It would tell what was going on.

But she wasn’t sure what to do. March over to her house? She didn’t know where she worked exactly (all grown ups had jobs, didn’t they?) She couldn’t search town-

Luckily for her- and unluckily for Evangeline- Mary had been sitting on a bench trying to figure this out over ice cream, when she spotted her walking nearby!

Mary scrambled to her feet, half-finished ice cream forgotten.]

Ah-! Evangeline, there you are! Are you okay? You haven’t shown me and pictures in ages and-…

[Then she saw that expression. Evangeline noticed her. Had a look of realisation. Fear.

Just like Garry did, when he saw her fake rose.

When he remembered what he read, about her nature as something not human- it didn’t make sense. Why would Evangeline have that same expression now??

She knew the truth, but they were still friends, weren’t they?

Weren’t they?

Why- why- why-]

Evangeline… why did you look at me like that…?!

Stop it!!

[Yet all the same, her trying to avoid her was worse still-]

[abnormalizes]

Mary?

[Oh, she hates to see that expression on Mary's face, hates to hear her voice shake like that. She wants so badly to rush up to her and give her a hug, but-

Mary doesn't know what friends are supposed to be like. Evangeline could hurt her badly and she wouldn't even know it was wrong, and Evangeline wouldn't know either, and the last thing she wants is to hurt this girl she cares for.]

I'm sorry- I'm sorry-

Oh hi abandonment trauma

[ashenrose]

[Evangeline was still keeping her distance. Mary took a hurried step toward her, bracing should she be shoved away- and the apology- that didn't fit at all-]

Why are you apologising? Why are you looking at me like they did...!

[Was it possible that even once someone accepted her for what she was, they could still turn against her so suddenly? That inevitably, her friends would push her away, regardless? That there was just something so wrong with her fabricated heart that it would always, always, play out this way? With her left all alone?

And that fear flooded its way right through her body, starting to spill down her cheeks as the scribble-like shadow shifted erratically.]

Why don't you like me anymore?!

[No, Mary had no idea what friends were meant to be like, and thus no way to understand that her spiralling thoughts were irrational.]

C

[urtitan]

[Well, this isn't how Evangeline usually reacts when she sees a friend! Immediately, Frieda has misgivings about what might be going on. Sure, recently Evangeline has still been replying to her messages about this and that, but she hasn't been sending her any funny or interesting things on her own as usual... and it wasn't long ago that Rinku got mind-controlled by that Nightshade group! That was an awful experience, and while Evangeline doesn't have that blank expression on her face, she definitely looks harried!

Much as Evangeline may wish for the opposite, Frieda sure enough crosses the street to approach her with a concerned expression. Her voice is hushed when she addresses her.]

Evangeline! Is everything alright? Are you in trouble?

[abnormalizes]

[Well, at least the concern gets Evangeline to stop. The last thing she wants is for people to be worried about her.]

Wh - I'm okay? I'm fine.

c

[dreamsofwings]

[ Eren loses track of time so easily that he's not always sure when it was he last spoke to, messaged, or interacted with someone. He remembers to text people he cares about, waiting for some awful day when they simply aren't there anymore. It happened with Historia not too long ago.

Evangeline still answers, though her messages seem maybe a little shorter? He can't be sure.

He happens to spot her one day outside. She spots him and starts to hurry away. Maybe he should just leave her be, but Eren has never been good at that sort of thing, and he's no longer at his worst and most distant.

So he catches up. He's taller; he just walks faster. ]

Hey. Why are you avoiding me?

[ He just means today, not in general. He's not so self-absorbed that he thinks she's been avoiding him specifically for weeks, but right now she clearly is. ]

Re: c

[abnormalizes]

H-hey, Eren.

[The attempt to run away failed, and more importantly, she can't let him think it was something he did.]

I'm not avoiding you specifically? Just, everybody.

A

[shatteredprison]

Shadow noticed Nine stopped messaging him first. Nine was nowhere to be found and wasn't replying to messages. Now he was suddenly back and Evangeline was gone as well. He hummed as he messages early in the month.

Are you alright? Do I need to hurt someone?

[abnormalizes]

I'm okay! Please don't hurt anyone for my sake!

[Well at least she gave him a speedy answer-]

[A] to [C]

[attempted_purity]

[When she returned to this world after her brief stint in her own, Fajra was overjoyed. At least at first. Of course, she was happy to know she could interact with Evangeline again. Even told her about the groundwork she has done on crossing over into other worlds.

Of course that kind of thing would take time, years, maybe.

However, she was getting worried. Evangeline was answering her, but everything seemed somewhat frosty. She wasn't sure what to make it, other than Evangeline seemed hurt or upset.

Not able to take it anymore she waited until she knew Evangeline would be leaving the library to show up there. Making sure she wouldn't embarrass Evangeline with anyone being around before she made herself known.]

Evangeline...

[She bowed deeply, not an elegant flirtation, but a genuine apology.]

Even if it was out of my control I apologize if my sudden departure made you feel abandoned by me. I promise you were always within my thoughts even if we could not be near.

[From behind her back, she offered a bouquet of flowers. Colorful, with plenty of language of caring and apology in the choice of them.]

I know a simple gesture cannot mend rifts, but I hope it's a start?

[She had come to the incorrect conclusion that it was her relationship with Evangeline that had been tarnished rather than Evangeline's turn concerns having to do with herself.]

[abnormalizes]

...What?

[Evangeline's reaction is open bafflement, enough to overtake her distress. She looks between the bouquet of flowers and Fajra.]

Sorry, what? Why would I be mad at you for that??

C

[twofacedlight]

[ Yeah uh. You see, there's a really big problem with that plan of trying to ignore Jyoti: and that is that hell hath no fury like a Jyoti that isn't getting her way. ]

Evangeline. [ Each syllable drips with an icy venom that, while familiar to Jyoti herself, Evangeline has never heard from her before. ] Just where do you think you're going?

[abnormalizes]

...Iii'm guessing 'home' is not the right answer?

[Oh, she's mad. ...Why is she mad?]