Eren, for his part, is still too transient in his thinking. Sure, this apartment is his as much as it's Levi's (though the cleaning rules are all the captain's doing, obviously). He has a pet ghost. He buys whatever food he wants and always has things like ice cream because wow. But it's not home.
Eren has no idea what home even means now. The barracks he spent so many years in? The house with the basement, the house he grew up in, the place they learned the truth.
Did we find hope or despair?
He'll never know the answer to that. But that place could no longer be home, not ever again.
As he grapples with the idea of living, he still doesn't feel attached to places. Places aren't home. Places fall apart, smashed into pieces by his doing or Zeke's or Reiner and Bertolt and Annie, or even just other people who want him dead.
People are home to him.
But he knows there could have been a cost for walking into Reiner's space. He'd done it on purpose, after all, knowing Reiner's mission mindset. He hadn't thought of it as vulnerability when he'd basically invited himself there; it was a half-assed manipulation thing, like a lot of his interactions with Reiner have been. He should really stop doing that. The day at the beach was mean and he knows it. The other times, he's often miscalculated, but it's ended up fine.
Eren is dimly aware of the kitchen, the space, Reiner so close, before he slams back into the present. He's not usually in danger if he zones out, but he doesn't tend to do it as hard in dangerous situations, luckily for him. Funny, how this doesn't seem like a dangerous situation to him anymore. Stupid, probably, but wasn't their agreement to live sort of a truce?
"It happens sometimes," he says, but of course offers no explanation. No one still alive knows the Attack Titan's true power, and Eren has always planned to die with that knowledge. Levi knows he gets lost in time but doesn't know why. No one needs to know, he thinks, for their safety and for his. They can think it's the 2,000 years of memories (times two, times three) that fuck him up, or just his own madness, or whatever. It's probably that too.
Without thought, Eren's lets Reiner pull his hand away from his neck, and wet fingers twine into dry ones. There might as well be no one else here, no one else in the world, just the tiny spark of warmth trying to fight off the ice they haven't broken free of yet.
"Of course it is," he answers, nonsensically, realising he's given away something that even he's not sure about. Damnit. He wants to get angry about it, pull away, start another fight.
He wants to forget, to not think about the end of the world and the end of his life and his lingering fear that no one will remember him when he's gone. No one would want to, not after what he's done/will do, he thinks. He's constantly misjudging others' feelings for him.
"You could have been mean," he says, "as payback."
It's probably what Eren would do, but Eren is so much crueller than Reiner and knows it.
no subject
Eren has no idea what home even means now. The barracks he spent so many years in? The house with the basement, the house he grew up in, the place they learned the truth.
Did we find hope or despair?
He'll never know the answer to that. But that place could no longer be home, not ever again.
As he grapples with the idea of living, he still doesn't feel attached to places. Places aren't home. Places fall apart, smashed into pieces by his doing or Zeke's or Reiner and Bertolt and Annie, or even just other people who want him dead.
People are home to him.
But he knows there could have been a cost for walking into Reiner's space. He'd done it on purpose, after all, knowing Reiner's mission mindset. He hadn't thought of it as vulnerability when he'd basically invited himself there; it was a half-assed manipulation thing, like a lot of his interactions with Reiner have been. He should really stop doing that. The day at the beach was mean and he knows it. The other times, he's often miscalculated, but it's ended up fine.
Eren is dimly aware of the kitchen, the space, Reiner so close, before he slams back into the present. He's not usually in danger if he zones out, but he doesn't tend to do it as hard in dangerous situations, luckily for him. Funny, how this doesn't seem like a dangerous situation to him anymore. Stupid, probably, but wasn't their agreement to live sort of a truce?
"It happens sometimes," he says, but of course offers no explanation. No one still alive knows the Attack Titan's true power, and Eren has always planned to die with that knowledge. Levi knows he gets lost in time but doesn't know why. No one needs to know, he thinks, for their safety and for his. They can think it's the 2,000 years of memories (times two, times three) that fuck him up, or just his own madness, or whatever. It's probably that too.
Without thought, Eren's lets Reiner pull his hand away from his neck, and wet fingers twine into dry ones. There might as well be no one else here, no one else in the world, just the tiny spark of warmth trying to fight off the ice they haven't broken free of yet.
"Of course it is," he answers, nonsensically, realising he's given away something that even he's not sure about. Damnit. He wants to get angry about it, pull away, start another fight.
He wants to forget, to not think about the end of the world and the end of his life and his lingering fear that no one will remember him when he's gone. No one would want to, not after what he's done/will do, he thinks. He's constantly misjudging others' feelings for him.
"You could have been mean," he says, "as payback."
It's probably what Eren would do, but Eren is so much crueller than Reiner and knows it.