[To not have to suffer through the pain, or to at least not be forced into experiencing it in real-time. There were the physical parts of course, from the injury itself and then being pummeled by rocks and water, Hange needing to pull and tug at bleeding wounds in order to stitch them up, but unconsciousness also spared Levi from the emotional pain brought about by it. Spared the bitterness of betrayal as former comrades and subordinates had them staring down the barrel of a rifle. The impending doom coinciding with the realization that the very same people they would have given their own lives for if necessary had no qualms about leaving their corpses to rot on a river bank, the final layer to the shit-sandwich being their beloved Zeke fucking Yaeger crawling around on the ground with not even a scratch on him.]
[Yeah, Levi. Be glad you weren't awake for most of it.]
...
["I always manage". If the conversation were more lighthearted, Hange may commend him on his perseverance and tenacity, but in this instance all it serves is to leave them uncharacteristically silent as an uncomfortable knot settles in their gut.]
[Reminded of the memory portals, Hange had been able to glimpse at little snippets of a time into Gabi's future, seeing her and Levi experiencing what the healing world had to offer, but even then, that's what he'd been doing, right? Managing.]
[Just as he always had, from growing up in that undercity, to losing Isabelle and Furlan, losing squad after squad. At least for a time they had been managing through it together, with losing Erwin and their other friends, losing the naivety their isolated island had bestowed upon them, the potential of war an annihilation and all that, but it was at least a small comfort to know that somebody else was there beside you to have your back when needed, or give you a little push.]
[But the future's not like that, is it? It isn't that Hange is vain enough to think that he'd mourn their loss more than any of the others, but for being the last one to go (and being so adamant about it too) they know they bear a sizeable portion of that responsibility. Surely Levi must have been relieved that the fighting was over, the world was moving on, and with Gabi and the others there he wouldn't be lonely, but Hange has to wonder... was he happy? Or was he managing, because he still carried all the expectations of those dedicated hearts he had collected one by one.]
...
[Who knows how much time has passed, Hange's jaw tensed and lost in those thoughts as they blankly watch fingers picking apart adhesive from skin until something, a movement or sound perhaps snaps them back into the moment.]
[At least here, right now, he doesn't need to manage alone.]
Here, let me do it.
[They won't push it if met with resistance but Hange reaches out, intending to use a hand to rest along his jawline for stability as the other reaches up to silently continue peeling away the gauze and bandages, choosing to focus on that rather than those feelings of uncertainty simmering within. Hadn't it been less than ten minutes since they'd been at each other's throats over something that now seemed so trivial?]
i didnt mean to make a tag about removing tape into sad but here we are :')
[To not have to suffer through the pain, or to at least not be forced into experiencing it in real-time. There were the physical parts of course, from the injury itself and then being pummeled by rocks and water, Hange needing to pull and tug at bleeding wounds in order to stitch them up, but unconsciousness also spared Levi from the emotional pain brought about by it. Spared the bitterness of betrayal as former comrades and subordinates had them staring down the barrel of a rifle. The impending doom coinciding with the realization that the very same people they would have given their own lives for if necessary had no qualms about leaving their corpses to rot on a river bank, the final layer to the shit-sandwich being their beloved Zeke fucking Yaeger crawling around on the ground with not even a scratch on him.]
[Yeah, Levi. Be glad you weren't awake for most of it.]
...
["I always manage". If the conversation were more lighthearted, Hange may commend him on his perseverance and tenacity, but in this instance all it serves is to leave them uncharacteristically silent as an uncomfortable knot settles in their gut.]
[Reminded of the memory portals, Hange had been able to glimpse at little snippets of a time into Gabi's future, seeing her and Levi experiencing what the healing world had to offer, but even then, that's what he'd been doing, right? Managing.]
[Just as he always had, from growing up in that undercity, to losing Isabelle and Furlan, losing squad after squad. At least for a time they had been managing through it together, with losing Erwin and their other friends, losing the naivety their isolated island had bestowed upon them, the potential of war an annihilation and all that, but it was at least a small comfort to know that somebody else was there beside you to have your back when needed, or give you a little push.]
[But the future's not like that, is it? It isn't that Hange is vain enough to think that he'd mourn their loss more than any of the others, but for being the last one to go (and being so adamant about it too) they know they bear a sizeable portion of that responsibility. Surely Levi must have been relieved that the fighting was over, the world was moving on, and with Gabi and the others there he wouldn't be lonely, but Hange has to wonder... was he happy? Or was he managing, because he still carried all the expectations of those dedicated hearts he had collected one by one.]
...
[Who knows how much time has passed, Hange's jaw tensed and lost in those thoughts as they blankly watch fingers picking apart adhesive from skin until something, a movement or sound perhaps snaps them back into the moment.]
[At least here, right now, he doesn't need to manage alone.]
Here, let me do it.
[They won't push it if met with resistance but Hange reaches out, intending to use a hand to rest along his jawline for stability as the other reaches up to silently continue peeling away the gauze and bandages, choosing to focus on that rather than those feelings of uncertainty simmering within. Hadn't it been less than ten minutes since they'd been at each other's throats over something that now seemed so trivial?]