{ this was nothing to do with trust, at least not in this case, it was ensuring thoma didn't pass out while standing up after carrying him back and being so obviously tired. it's probably why most of it hadn't properly hit him until he'd been laid down in bed staring at the wall and having nothing to do but think.

he nods at her remark though, and really there's more he needs to apologise for. his hand picks at the edge of the teacup before he pulls back hands away. he isn't bringing up how it happened yet, but. }

There is something else I need to tell you that I should clarify first as well, Ayaka. { he takes a deep breath } And if it's upsetting, or makes you angry, please direct that at me.

{ he lets that hang in the air, only for a moment, and before she can protest or ask why he'll continue. }

Thoma knew beforehand, which is why he was there waiting in the middle of the night for me. I asked him... not to tell you until I was back. I phoned him when I knew it was inevitable. After Kaveh had... { he trails off, doesn't finish that. } I didn't want either of you to go looking for us. All I can offer is apologies, perhaps it was incredibly selfish, but the idea of ensuring that would not happen to you was all I could think of in my last moments.

{ and he's saying this now because it isn't fair on thoma to play pretend either. not when it comes to this. }