[Ah. There it is, the same full-body rush of guilt he felt when he saw Mukuro and Shoto's faces for the first time after his death. Why did he think this wouldn't happen with Jean too? Did he expect him to handle it better? All of them had to grow up much too fast, all of them have seen death and despair and destruction, but Jean of all people has seen his friends and comrades get eaten by monsters.

We all look up to you! We worry about you...

He steps up behind Jean after a moment and puts his hands on his shoulders, firmly but gently (he can't hug him; they're both too awkward for that). God, Jean grew so tall so fast during his honeymoon... he's a married man, and an accomplished soldier, but he's still only 18 years old, much younger than Hijikata.

Because you're like family--]

I'm sorry, Jean. I should've thought of you. I should've taken my self-preservation instincts along on the expedition. None of you should've seen me die.