Just that... I wasn't thinking I'd tell anyone. Because I wasn't sure what people would suggest, and how it would look if I shut it down. Like maybe some people who aren't even alive are more important to me than my memories of everyone I love now.

It's not that, I promise. Sure, they mean a lot to me, more than I probably have words for. The problem is just it feels like that would be -- using them. Exploiting them. Taking away their choices in the same way I did when they were alive.

Sort of like the equivalent of digging up a loved one's corpse and doing experiments on it when you're the reason they're dead in the first place, I guess is the closest comparison I can make.