You haven't made a mess at all. But it's like Evangeline told you: Most people who are fighters chose that path because they saw no other option - either they had something to protect or avenge, or no other perspective to survive. Hardship hardens people's hearts, to the point where they don't flinch at taking lives anymore.

[He sure is talking a lot, and being more philosophical (or at least serious) than usual... maybe he's really channeling his stern familiar Arashi in his crow tengu get-up.]

Killing a monster is one thing, but could you kill a person if you had to? If you did, how would it affect you? That's what everyone wants to spare you, more than anything else.